The scene opens outside what appears to be a Baltimore butcher shop. The cameras enter and take us into the back where we see the Hardcore Champion Bill Ding, appropriately donning an bloodied apron that reads “FEAST MODE” on it with a knife and fork criss-crossing.
Bill Ding: Well well! Welcommmme ev’rybody to your local butcher shop here in this great city of - BALTIMORRRRE, MARYLANDDD! Home of some fiiiine signature foods such as Pit Beef, blue crab, and sauerkraut…. And hell naw, I ain't talking about you, Madison!!
Audience cheers!
Bill Ding: Why do I bring you all fine mamahs and papahs here today?
Bill Ding: I only find it fitting to get inside the miiiiind of a butchaaah to prop’rly destroyyyy a butchaah.
Bill Ding: Now lemme take you here to exhibit A- some quality beef shoulder.
Ding puts on his hardhat as he walks over to the first hanging piece of meat.
Bill Ding: A little tough, but nothing we can't break down and make mighty yummy..
Ding reaches behind the counter and pulls out a sledgehammer.
Bill Ding: Ready folks? Now watch meh closely now, this is where the magic happens.
Ding raises the sledgehammer and begins going to town on the hanging slab of beef, chunks and pieces flying everywhere. He stops and wipes some spattered blood off his cheek, and walks over to the next piece of hanging flesh.
Bill Ding: Tasty. Now, let's see exhibit B- a lovely example of quality flank steak. Sometimes this one benefits from a little marianationnnn, if you wiiiill. Otherwise, you got to get to work on it a little more, but don't be shy now! Ding daddeh got your solutionnnn.
Ding reaches behind the counter again and pulls out a giant industrial iron wrench. He starts wailing on the meat with his trusty tool.
Bill Ding: DON’T (WHACK) BE ‘FRAID (WHACK) TO PUT THAT (WHACK) ELBOW GREASE INTO IT NOW!
Ding finally stops after obliterating the flesh and catches his breath.
Bill Ding: WOOOF! Tough meat, daddeh. Now, the final piece, exhibit C- and mah personal favorite… RUMP ROAST!
Bill Ding: Look at how tendah and juicy it already iiis… But I say, the job is nevahhh done! You can always take it to that next level!!
Ding goes behind the counter for a final time, revealing a steel chair. He raises it above his head and begins slamming the chair on the precious rump roast, even catching some pieces as they fly through the air.
Bill Ding: YAAAAS mamahs and papahs of Baltimore, THAT is how you PROPERLAY butcher the meats.
Ding readjusts his hard hat as the camera zooms in.
Bill Ding: Take that as a personal message, Butchahhh. Tonight, I do the job for you, with all these fine handy tools and more! You will be demoted to the Butchered. Let's see if you ready to rock wit’ the Hardcore Daddeh!
Scene ends.
The Camera pans to the announce team!
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Daddeh is ready tonight! |
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It's gonna be a barnburner I bet! |
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Up next the biggest challenge for H20 to date! |
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Legend vs Rookie its on now! |
H20 vs PUGH*
The Camera pans to the announce team!
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WOW OWOWOWOWOW |
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Holy shet! |
????: I’lll knee your freaking knee outta your knee!
Dressed in a golden K-Swiss jumpsuit with an equally golden sash tied around his head, Tiberius Octavian Dupree, Thee omnipotent Betterness Kneesus Christ is kneeing a punching bag with a crudely drawn picture of Sean McGee duck taped to it. BBD Gable of TKF’s entourage holds the bag for maximum effect.
Dupree: Do you……... kneed help?!
Right Knee.
Dupree: With that lunch!
Right Knee.
Dupree: You Titttttttttit…...
Left Knee.
Dupree: Turrrrrrr…..
Left Knee.
Dupree: Risssssss!
Tibby backs off as if getting a running start, slightly out of breath.
Dupree: Still hungry hippo?...
He runs at the bag full speed aiming right between the eyes of poorly drawn Buffness.
Dupree: Eat Kneez !
He delivers the knee perfectly on target piercing a hole through the picture and the bag. BBD Gable stubbles back just a tad. Sand starts to leak out the punching bag onto the floor like an hourglass running out of time.
Dupree: I know a man who knows nothing of time, but governs all that is sand. Not the same kind of sand that resides in the feminine regions of let’s say a Paul Pugh or Dennis Black.
BBD has no clue what he’s talking about or if he’s even talking to him.
Dupree: But the kind of sand that takes you down with it, that quick sand. And I will not let Sean McGee take me down like he tried to do at The Clash and on Riot. Tonight I make him eat his freaking teeth.
Tibby finally looks as if he’s addressing BBD Gable directly.
Dupree: Get somebody to clean up this Trash…
The camera pans to the leaking sand as we fade.
The Camera pans to the announce team!
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Looks like The Betterness is ready! |
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But will it be enough! |