Camera shows the outside of a room with fog engulfed windows, and condensation running down the inside of them. Feint outlines of figures slowly move inside the room, then pause and seemingly stop in position.
Leon Valentine walks into the screen, devious smirk runs across his face. As he makes his way past the room, he drags his fingers across the outside of the window.
Leon grabs the door handle and cracks the door. Steam comes pouring out, and Leon's face immediately begins to start sweating.
Leon: Holy hell...
Leon opens the door and makes his way into a dark room filled with women and a couple of men doing hot yoga. They're currently holding the warrior position, covered in sweat, with slow ambiance sounds playing in the background. Leon looks around, and takes a position next to an older man, and starts attempting to get into the positions while wearing jeans and a noisy leather jacket.
Old man: Might want to take that off...this next pose could scuff your elbows up.
Leon blows sweat off dripping off the tip of his nose.
Leon: I'm good.
The Yogi begins to speak.
Yogi: Now let's go to the dolphin pose, aaaaaannnnnddd into the forearm stand.
Leon follows suit and tumbles ass over tea kettle onto the floor.
Old Man: Told ya.
Leon: You didn't tell me sh*t old man.
Old Man: Leon?
Leon: Shut up Ed, focus on your yoga you old fart.
Ed: You know you can't do yoga with Parkers dick in your a....
Leon: You know, I was reconsidering doing this.
Ed: Yoga? Yeah, I would. You're not very...
Suddenly, Leon stands up, and as Ed holds his forearm stand, he reaches over and grabs Eds left ankle and rips it off.
The sound makes a loud 'pop' like you're taking a suction cup off of a window, which makes the group take notice of Leon, standing next to Ed holding a half of a leg.
Some of the women shriek, and a few of them start making their way over to Leon to stop him. This entire time, Ed holds his position.
Leon: It's not a real leg, and if either of you two butch dykes come a step closer to me, I knock the sweat off your meaty man tits with this prosthetic, you hear me?
Ed: Leon, I'm in my zone right now, so I'm not going to get angry, even though, I really, really am. I'm only going to say this once, you don't want to do that. That's a very important piece of mine and Versus history, and I don't think it's a smart idea to take that.
Leon: I don't think it's a smart idea to threaten a man who's holding your leg. I could give a damn about your history, and I could give a damn about Versus. I'm just tired of you and him walking around here like you own the damn place...because that's my job. Now go hop to a phone and call your hero to get you a new leg, I have some plans for this one.
Leon walks confidently out of the room, threatening to hit people with the prosthetic as he leaves. Ed shakes his head ever so slightly as he reaches over and grabs his phone, still without leaving his elbow stand, and holds down the number 1.
Ed: Hey bud, yeah, I'm gonna need the chair.......No, I didn't leave it in the strip club, Leon just came in and took it. Yeah, just...pop, and off he goes after insulting a few women. Yep, I agree, total dick move. Wanna send a ride in about 45 minutes? Thanks.
Yogi: Is everything alright Ed?
Ed: (takes a deep breath) Namaste Becky...namaste.
The camera pans to the announce team.
What a dick!
Watch you're god damn mouth! That the North American Champion!
Ligerman vs Drago
Loading the player...
The camera pans to the announce team.
OUTTA NO WHERE!!!
The scene opens up in the Purge locker room showing Anthony Baker tie his boots.
Baker: Left over right, then put it here.
He sticks his tongue out as he focuses.
Baker: Dookie. Oh well. This'll have to doooo!
His voice gets high pitched as he says "doooo".
Baker:Today's a big day. You can do this champ.
He looks over at his title before he picks it up.
Baker: Hey, sexy. You're looking good. I hope you know that I love you.
He starts to kiss the title before Kassidy Hayes walks in as Anthony starts to kiss it.
Kassidy: Uh. Baker man what are you doing?
Baker instantly throws the title down.
Baker: Oh. Uh. Nothing. Getting prepared to face the dildo face himself kid dingleberry Pugh!
He quickly stands up and scratches the side of his head.
Kassidy: I don't believe you, pick up that belt.
Baker bends down and picks up his OCW hardcore title,
Kassidy: I know what it feels like to hold a championship, I know how you feel Baker. That right there is your ride or die b**ch, you love that belt, that strap of leather feels great wrapped around you.
Baker wraps the belt around his waist and clasps it tight,
Kassidy: Do a couple of hip thrust Baker, feel that belt bounce on ya
Kassidy demonstrates the motion and Baker follows suit, acting as if he is air-humping his title when Molly walks in, Kassidy stops immediately but Baker has his eyes shut and ignoring the world until, out of panic, Kassidy slaps Baker.
Baker: Um, hel-
Kassidy: What the hell kinda of perverted scene is playing in your mind baker, stop being a stupid idiot.
Kassidy leaves the room, never making eye contact with Molly
Baker: Yes mom?!
Molly: What were you doing right there?
Molly looks at Baker with a side eye and then sighs.
Molly: (under her breath) I didn't sign up for this
Baker: What was that mom?
Molly: Nothing! Just don't let me catch you doing what you were doing again okay?
Baker: Yes mom! I promise!
Molly sighs again as she walks out of the locker room area. Baker sits back down on the bench relieved and starts to admire the belt in his hands again. The scene fades.
The camera pans to the announce team.
Can someone just call child protective services already!
How rude, Dude! They are giving Baker the family he deserves!
The camera pans to the announce team.
Episode 1 was earlier this week and it was a banger!
It's only going to get better!
The scene opens up at Sakuraba's, the finest Asian Fusion establishment in all of Midtown NYC because The Overlord, The Lord of the Lariat, The Messiah of the Multi & Metaverses, Mugen is the proprietor.
Tonight is the Grand Reopening of Sakuraba's after "The Incident" caused by one Mr. Sensation months ago. Mugen has been renovating the restaurant over the past few months and he has finally been able to reopen it. Many of his finest clients are out tonight as we see Mugen chatting it up with various tables.
Mugen: Hello Mr. Mayor, yes yes, it is fantastic I know. Thank you Mr. Mayor and thank you Mrs. Mayor for coming out tonight.
As we see Mugen moving from table to table, the camera starts to focus on one rather familiar looking person sitting at a table by himself. Beneath his beard and glasses, his face of dissatisfaction can be seen from a mile away. Mugen finally makes his way to this man's table and is perplexed by the face of the man.
Mugen: Hello.....? Do I know you from somewhere?
Man: Hell....(cough cough)...Hallo. I don't know where you might have seen me but I assure you I am just a stranger.
Mugen: Really.....I mean, I've traveled around the world and I've seen many faces. You're face is ODDLY striking to me.
Man: I don't know what you speak of. My name is Bartholomew.........Lawrambe..............yes Batrholomew Lawrambe. I am not supposed to disclose this but I am food reviewman from Naples, Italy. I write time to time for New York Times.....Conde Nast......etcetera, etcetera.
Mugen: OH! Well! That's quite the name, tell me Mr. Lawrambe, you seem unsatisfied by the meal you have had so far tonight, please, let me know what we can do better to serve you.
Mr. Lawrambe: Where do I begin? This crab cake appetizer.....It's not very good. Quite frankly, it looks like a donkey's anus. Like a dehydrated turd, more like.
Mugen looks inquisitively at what's left of the crab cake, thinking there's nothing wrong with it.
Mr. Lawrambe: Crab cake....More like crap cake. Pitiful.
Mr. Lawrambe points to the steak on his dish.
Mr. Lawrambe: This steak I had tonight, you call it Mugenta Special?
Mugen: Yes, it is one of our finest items here. The most grandiose of all the steaks!
Mr. Lawrambe: I ordered medium rare. I receive, and its MEDIUM. HOW DARE YOU. LOOK AT THE PINK INSIDE OF THIS STEAK. YOUR SPECIAL HAS NOW BECOME NOT VERY SPECIAL, THANKS TO YOUR D***FACE CHEF.
Mr. Lawrambe grabs the plate with the steak in front of him and places it right in front of Mugen's face. Mugen is extremely surprised as he takes a look at the steak and sees it medium rare.
Mugen: Um.....I'm pretty sure it is cooked me.....
Mr. Lawrambe: Wait a minute, it's not even Medium.......Oh for F***'S SAKE, IT'S F***ING RAW!!!!
Mr. Lawrambe pokes the steak with his fork repeatedly.
Mr. Lawrambe: LOOK AT IT! TOUCH IT! F***ING TOUCH IT!!!!!!! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!
Mugen touches the steak with his finger and again, thinks that there's nothing wrong with it.
Mr. Lawrambe, in a fit of rage, takes the dish and slams it to the ground, causing it to break into pieces. The other people in the restaurant start to look at them as Mugen politely motioning for them to relax.
Mr. Lawrambe: Utterly atrocious. I ATE ONLY OUT OF PITY FOR YOUR CHEF.
Mugen: I can assure you that my chef only used the finest ingredients. He is also an eleventy time MasterChef champion.....
Mr. Lawrambe: DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT TO ME!!!! IT'S MASTERCHEF, NOT MASTER****!
Mugen is trying to keep his cool by doing a brief breathing exercise. He proceeds.
Mugen: He is also a very experienced chef working in.....
Mr. Lawrambe: WORKING IN THE SLUMS. WORKING WITH TRASH. HOW DO YOU EXPECT A MAN OF CALIBER LIKE MINE TO EAT SUCH FILTH AND GRUEL. THIS FOOD IS GROTESQUE, ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL PEOPLE WITH THIS? YOU F***ING DONKEY!!!!!!!
Mugen is completely shocked at the reaction of this man and quickly tries to apologize.
Mugen: I apologize that you are unsatisfied, perhaps I can take care of the meal for you, on the house tonight.....
Mr. Lawrambe: That is correct, I see to it that you pay for my disgusting meal. I would also like another thing from you sir and we can call this how you say..........even.
Mugen: Well of course, what can I do for you?
Mr. Lawrambe: How about a glass of your finest Japanese whiskey?
Mugen thinks for a moment and a figurative light bulb pops up in his head.
Mugen: Got it! Be right back sir.
Mr. Lawrambe (under his breath): Now f*** off, you useless sack of f***ing yankee doodle dandy s***.
Mugen runs off towards The Arm Bar section of the restaurant. As he does that, the man known as Mr. Lawrambe suddenly takes off his glasses and rips off the beard to reveal that it was none other than Drago Cesar who was behind the scheme.
Drago: Stupid Mugen. Too full of himself.
Drago flips the table over to the shock of all the other restaurant patrons around him.
Mugen: As Mugen comes back with a glass of whiskey in his hands, he sees Drago in the center of the restaurant standing on top of the flipped table. The anger in him suddenly reaches a maximum point and the glass of whiskey shatters in his grip.
Mugen starts running from where he is towards and lunges at Drago who is also running towards Mugen. The two collide in midair and crash onto a dining table occupied by an old couple. The force of their collision into the table sends food and table shards flying everywhere. The two roll on the floor towards opposite ends of the restaurant and go into their fighting poses.
Mugen: YOU AND ME! AT SEPTEMBER TO REMEMBER!
Drago: WE END IT!
Mugen: I WILL KILL YOU! I WILL DROP YOU FROM..............THAT'S IT!
Mugen starts laughing maniacally as he flicks a piece of tomato off of his suit jacket.