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A humungous hamstrings welcome to the first ever edition of Momentum!

I'm Ana Vargas and obviously if you've watched OCW at any point in the past decade you'll know who Aries is.

Of course they know the prince of pecs, but do they know any of the nobodies on the show tonight?

Maybe not, but after tonight they certainly will.

I hope you're right, and that they follow through!

I sincerely hope that's not a fart joke, but an annoying voice in my ear is telling me we need to go backstage!

Camera cuts backstage

Jacob Trance: You look ridiculous!

Loki: I told you, I need to find me!

Trance: How the hell is this you?

Loki: I need to embrace my German heritage!

Trance: You’re IRISH!

Trance and Loki had been having an argument for the past 10 minutes. It was obvious why and therefore no surprise that most were avoiding the two as they traded loud verbal barbs in the midst of Momentum’s catering area.

Trance: You can’t wear that! The guy you are facing tonight will think you’re mocking him. He’s from Ukraine, don’t you understand the significance of a German vs. Ukrainian!

Loki put his hands on his hips and planted his feet. He glowered at Trance before speaking: You’re damn right he is Czechoslovakian! But I fail to see the point! Tonight I’m going to blitz him. I’m going to run right over him. I’m going to occupy that ring tonight and invade. When I get done with him I’m going to put him on a train, yes, yes. A train. I’m gonna put him on a train and send him to Fort Lauderdale, I hear that place is hot, miserable, and filled with old, dying people.

Trance eyes were wide in shock. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Meanwhile Loki absentmindedly hummed to himself.

Trance choked on his words and stuttered: Are...are you an….an...IDIOT!

Loki looked offended: I will have you know that I have a degree from Yale in Economics.

Trance: That wasn’t you! That was your Asian alter ego, P.F. Chang! I’ve seen the degree! It’s a piece of paper you wrote: To, Mr. Chang. You know numbers. Signed some Yale dudes!

If Loki looked offended before, he looked worse now. His eyes dropped and his shoulders shrugged: Well that’s disappointing…

Loki suddenly perked up and his eyes were shining with happiness: If P.F. Chang could earn it that means I could earn it too! After tonight's match, I’m gonna go get a degree!

Trance: ….You are going to get me so fired.

Loki began to bounce away: SNOW IS CHILL!

Trance: What does that even have to do with ANYTHING?!

Jacob balls one of his hands up into a fist, biting on it as Loki flees, presumably in the direction of the gorilla position to take part in his match.

I am scared and confused

That voice in my ear said I should say 'that's what she said' but personally, I think that's rather low brow. Do you think those two will get along?

It's hard to say, they have the makings of a good tag team, but not the makings of a GREAT tag team like two friends of mine...

Do tell? Are you referring to the two young teams taking part in tonights main event?

Hell no, I'm referring to my battling bulging bicep brothers, Thunder and Lightning! Now bring on the performing moneys!

Loki McGregor VS. Andriy Yarmolenko

My superstar senses are tingling, the arms on that guy!

Is that all you care about? I mean, Loki was all over him!

Spoiler

Sure Dmitri had won, but what he didn’t know is that Loki having embraced his inner yodeler for at least one week meant that his cardio was was top notch. It takes a lot of effort to maintain that lung capacity. So while Smirnoff celebrated Loki jumped up and no sold that Ukrainian 5 like Germany no sold World War I. And while Loki didn’t quite understand what that meant he none the less didn’t take too kindly to all the taunting, If they are taunting, they think they are winning…which he did, but the semantics didn’t stop Loki!

Loki: Oi! Poland!

Kirilenko turned around and found Loki waiting for him.

All over him? Now he's smacking him in the face with his snake, part of me is jealous but a cobra? Hah... I'd pummel him with the python.

I.. I don't...

Oh but you will!

No, no I won't. Please, for the love of god roll the next segment.

Anthony Baker vs. Espado

Crikey!

I think our audio feeds got a little mixed up there...

Anthony 'Chameleon' Baker with a great showing against Espada, who had to overcome a stroke at the start of the match just to compete...

I hope if there's any lasting damage both men receive the physical care they need.

We find Adam Adams backstage in the locker room with Jordan Jax discussing their upcoming tag team match.

Jax: I’m telling you, the Double J’agermeister and Double A teaming up. Think anyone is gonna stand a chance against this dynamic duo? Fuhgeddaboudit. We gonna smack around those little fugazis and show these OCW fans that we’re here to stay. Know what I’m sayin’?

Adams : I think so, but honestly, I can usually only understand about half of what you say.

Jax : We’ll be bringing the haymakers, milkshakers, and earthquakers. Ya dig?

Adams: Seriously, that makes no sense whatsoever.

Jax: Sure it does. It means that we’re going to go out there and show some of the haters that we have what it takes to ride that tidal wave of momentum all the way to the top. Capiche?

Adams: Capiche. Now that’s something that I can get behind. Let’s go out there and show that crowd that we belong.

Jax and Adams give each other an encouraging nod and bump fists as they continue to prepare for their upcoming match.

The alliteration is strong, but not as strong as the Aries' awesome abs workout, available now at all good retailers.

I'm Vegan, does this workout accomodate my needs?

Only if you accomodate my sausage.

Arnaud and Charles Young are both sitting in the audience. Arnaud eating popcorn ,while CY is again with note pad.

Arnaud: Hey explain to me why we are here again ?

CY: Well the first reason is Tyler Rose hasn't showed . Second is how can we know what is on the mind of the OcW fan unless we experience it for ourselves.

Arnaud: Hell I could have thought of a hundred other ways than this.

CY: Look I can remember when you were trying to get booked you were right here trying to appeal to these same fans .So it's always smart to do homework on everyone. That includes friends.enemies and mentor !

Arnaud chokes on a kernel.

CY: Don't worry old timer you good with me. Just know there are things that I know that you could'nt teach me.

Arnaud: Oh ok, how about we just get back to the show.

And we're back to the show!

Back to a sexual harassment lawsuit more like.

Is that a yes?

I can't believe this... No wonder they were surprised women wanted to work here.

Hey, I've got another job for you if you don't like this one.

TJ Stevens/Chico Blanco VS. Adam Adams/Jordan Jax

And there you have it!

Redemption, making up for that previous loss in style... The height he got on that!

And that's all we have time for this week, what do we have for them next?

More ex-division action and some cracking singles matches! Good fight, good night

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