MIAMI FLORIDA
The Camera pans to ramp as an old nostalgic tune hits and the duo of Scaggs and Poling head down to the ring!! The packed crowd roars in excitement and begins to chant "OCW" OCW" "OCW"
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Ladies and Gentleman! |
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THIS IS THE HOTTEST PARTY OF THE SUMMER! |
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THIS IS SUMMERCIDE! |
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LETS ROCK! |
The dark outlines of various objects and silhouettes walking around line the P3 Soundstage as the audience members line the seats in front. A particular figure is seen drawing some lines on the ground and placing what appear to be goal posts on opposite sides of the stage.
Finally, the lights turn on and the P3 Soundstage is revealed to be turned into a makeshift football field! The “NFL on FOX” theme starts playing in the background, with additional “lyrics” spliced in by our very own “Fred Durst”.
Drago and Mugen, decked out in football attires with the appropriate gold and platinum helmets, naturally sprint into each other head first.
Drago: Blue 42!
Mugen: Red 69!!!!
The music stops for a second.
Mugen: Hehe…..Sixty. Nine.
Drago laughs with him too.
Drago: Lady and gentlemen!!!
Mugen: The greatest gridiron team of the squared circle!
Drago: Huh?
Both: PLATINUM. PLATONIC. PARTNERS!!!!!
The music blasts through the speakers again, and the pair run into each other once more. Drago gets knocked back into the couch while Mugen somersaults over the desk, this time somehow not breaking it in half.
Drago: Tonight guest is very interest. He make all those football game.
Mugen: He is the voice of the pigskin. Former NFL commentator, former NFL head coach…...JOHN MADDEN!
Bubba comes out with Mac. The pair are wearing tiny referee shirts and hats. They also have whistles around their necks. Whistles they are using quite loudly at the moment.
The sound of the whistles blaring cause a figure to come out and it’s none other than John Madden himself. The man is wearing the usual headset and is grinning from ear to ear. He carries a tablet with him. Drago pulls a basketball from underneath the couch and tries to pass it to Madden.
Drago: Catch!
Unfortunately, the ball knocks the tablet out of Madden’s hands and P3 look on in utter horror. John Madden stares down at the broken tablet but lets out a hearty laugh and pulls out another one from the depths of his pockets. Drago breathes a sigh of relief while the former coach takes a seat next to Drago.
Madden: Hell of a pass there kid. BUT you know, in order to make a good pass, you will have to move your arm in a forward motion while holding the ball in your hand.
Mugen and Drago look at each other with confused faces. P3 Head of Security Graham Greene III pops his head out from the side of the soundstage.
GGIII: I don’t undastand ya American football if you ask me.
Mugen: It’s fine, it’s fine go back to your job Graham.
Mugen focuses his attention back on Coach Madden.
Mugen: So coach, we have been victorious in tag team action recently and my pal here is going up against a pretty tough opponent.
Madden:Is this opponent Brett Favre?
Drago: No, not Brett Farvah.
Madden: Let me tell you, Brett Favre might be the greatest quarterback of all time. 71,838 passing yards, 508 touchdowns, the Hall of Fame career writes itself. Brett Favre is the best. Brett Favre is amazing. Brett Favre, Brett Favre, BRETT FAVRE!
Drago: I not fight Brett Farvah. I fight Nate Ortiz.
Madden: To be honest, Nate Ortiz might be the Brett Favre of wrestling. Championships, Hall of Fame Rings, more Championships he is just like Brett Favre. Brett Favre, Nate Ortiz, Brett Favre, Nate Ortiz, Brett Favre, NATE ORTIZ.
Drago puts his hands to his ears to help shield himself from the excessive yelling from Coach Madden. The Sensation clone from the crowd that we have seen from week to week suddenly stands up wearing an Oakland Raiders jersey that says Ortiz on the back and starts flailing his arms in the air.
“Sensation”: INVESTIGATE NATE-11!
Mugen: Coach, I know you are a big user of the illustrator, can you draw up a gameplan for my buddy over here to use during his match.
Madden: Sure!
Coach Madden repositions himself with his tablet and takes out a stylus. He taps on the tablet and suddenly the TVs on the P3 Soundstage all show an image of Drago and Nate mid-grapple from a previous match.
Madden: So what we are going to do here is show you what you could do from here.
Coach Madden draws an arrow going up right into Drago’s arms.
Madden: You want to attack the head and neck area since Nate is a bit older now.
Coach Madden circles the head of Nate repeatedly.
Madden: Then you just want to pick him up there at a 45 degree angle.
Coach Madden draws a 45 degree angle from Drago’s arms towards Nate’s head.
Madden: Then you strike him right in the throat.
Coach Madden uses a different color this time to indicate going right for Nate’s throat.
Mugen is clapping profusely at the amazing gameplan drawn out by Coach Madden as Drago is seen intently studying the diagram and nodding to himself.
Mugen: Coach Madden, you have seriously been a pleasure as a guest on the Bonanza this week.
Madden: The pleasure is all my kid. And just remember Drago, in order for you to win the match, you will either have to make your opponent tap out in a submission hold or pin their shoulders down to the mat for a 3 count.
Drago: Yes I think I know that already.
Madden: Great! Good luck kid!
At that moment, we see a huge muscular man come out of nowhere tackling “Fred” through the soundstage wall. We find it to be former office linebacker, Terry Tate.
Terry Tate: THAT’S FOR NOT CHANGING THE WATER JUG AFTER YOU EMPTIED IT ALL PATNA. WATER, IT’S A PRIVILEGE, NOT A RIGHT WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
GRUDGE MATCH
LA ESTRELLA FUGAZ vs BLAINE
The scene opens in Valkyrie's new apartment.
She is sitting on the couch and looking directly at the camera. Right next to her you can see her stuffed unicorn collection gathered in a semicircle.
You can see the World Women's Wrestling Championship around her waist.
Valkyrie: Once upon a time, in a land far away there was a beautiful Princess who had become lost while traveling. She arrived in a big town which was supposed to be the capital of the Kingdom and she decided to live there for a while because… reasons.
Valkyrie: The townsfolk instantly fell in love with her. She was unique and special, truly a breath of fresh air in a city filled with vampires, naked weirdos and all sorts of sociopaths.
Valkyrie: The rest of the local girls didn't like that fact and tried everything they could to take her out. One in particular, whose name I cannot pronounce on Live TV, was the leader of a local gang of evil witches.
Valkyrie: There were three of them: the Leader, who had a passion for luxury and gambling, her Henchwoman who was pretty much a Walmart version of Harley Quinn and a third member who was a part of the local Italian crime family.
Valkyrie: The Hero of this Fairy Tale defeated the criminal and the henchwoman easily. She then took the fight to the Leader herself. It wasn't easy as her rival was a lot more experienced. But even though she lost a few battles, she ultimately won the war and cleansed the land of those criminals.
Valkyrie: All by herself.
Valkyrie stops for a moment.
Valkyrie: The Princess then caught the attention of a Vampire. He had built an entire religion around himself, with followers from all over the Realm. The Vampire had this weird obsession for her and tried to kidnap her in multiple different occasions, with the ultimate goal of converting her to his religion.
Valkyrie: The Princess joined his ranks in an effort to eradicate the cult from the inside… it kinda worked. She destroyed all of his followers, one by one, including an actual Demoness.
Valkyrie: Then things got… complicated.
Valkyrie caresses her Women's Championship title
Valkyrie: See, the grumpy old ass King used to love the Princess. But one day one he changed his mind because…
Valkyrie: ...Fuck knows really...
Valkyrie: Thing is he started hating on her for absolutely no reason. He exiled her from his Kingdom for a while… but then she came back because even the King himself had to admit that without the Princess around, the town was pretty boring since nobody could replace her.
Valkyrie takes a look at the Wrestlution 13 poster
Valkyrie: Meanwhile a bunch of other Women were inspired by her actions and tried to become the Heroes of this Fairy Tale themselves. Some got a little bit too inspired? Oops I'm being disrespectful again.
Valkyrie: The thing is a bunch of others have tried to accomplish what she had accomplished but ultimately failed, either because they couldn't slain the Monsters or couldn't win the hearts of the townspeople.
Valkyrie: And so she went for her final Quest, accompanied by her two best friends.
Valkyrie: The trio fought against the Evil Forces once. Her two friends, unfortunately, did not survive the battle… she did though and slain the Monster who had to run away in defeat.
Valkyrie: But it was not over.
Valkyrie: The Monster came back, looking for revenge and this time it was one on one. The Princess defeated the Monster in an epic battle which will be told for ages to come.
Valkyrie picks up the Women's Champions and simply stares at it for a couple of interminable moments
Valkyrie: She then came back to her people. She had saved the Land from every single threat: she was no longer the innocent young girl who she used to be when her Journey began. She was now a Champion. The Champion of her People. The Protector of her Hometown.
Valkyrie: She thought that was it… her Happy Ending. She thought she could finally relax and live Happily Ever After… but she was wrong.
Valkyrie: An even more vicious enemy was lurking in the shadows. She had the full support of the King who had a weird obsession for her, much like the Vampire had an obsession for the Princess.
Valkyrie: They fought one time. It was super close but somehow the Princess was able to fend her rival off… but it was not over.
Valkyrie: They were set to fight again and this time it was going down by her rival's rules. An all out war in which every weapon, every move, every shortcut was legal.
Valkyrie: I don't know yet how this Tale is going to end.
Valkyrie stands up and looks directly at the camera.
Valkyrie: But if I've learned anything from all of the books I've read… is that the good guys always win in the end.