LIVE FROM SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA
The Arena Explodes in a cascade of Pyro technics as the Official Wrestlution 9 Theme blares.
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The Camera pans to the announce team!
Welcome everyone to Wrestlution 9!!!! |
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9 Years? It doesn't feel like a day past 4! |
We have an amazing show for you tonight, with...oh for the love of god....................... |
The Camera pans to the ramp!
As the fans begin to settle in to their seats for OCW’s biggest show of the year, the lights dim down. The iconic tone of the alarm sounds over the PA, followed by the chanting over a drum beat overflowing with attitude. This is the herald of the Revolution, the One Man Revolution, one third of C4, Bobby Minio.
Dressed in black warm up pants and a C4 t-shirt, it is clear that Minio arrived in the arena only a short time ago. He carries a mic in his hand as he paces across the entrance ramp, encouraging groans and sporadic boos from the crowd.
Bobby Minio: Welcome. Ladies, gentlemen and heavy set, small children… to MY FIRST WRESTLELUTION!
The record sized crowd boos his selfish spin on the big day.
Bobby Minio: Let me start by saying this. GET USED TO ME. In only my first year here, I have made a name for myself, I have put my name, in the mouths of some of the biggest ‘talents’ you have on this roster. Matter of fact, I did all of that in less than a year. How many more of your precious legends can say that?
The crowd is filled with mixed boos and the chatter of fans who are taking the opportunity of a heel promo to get their refreshments for the undercard matches.
Bobby Minio: Very few, is the answer. Goddamn, I have to write a script for you silly geese. Moving on. I know I sound like a broken record, but that’s what I am. I’m a throwback. I’m a classic. I am vinyl, and SO MANY of your paper champions, your cereal box heroes, they are MP3. You are a convenience. I am the REALNESS. I am the preferred format. I am the aficionado's choice!
Of course, the OCW galaxy seems to be of a different opinion.
Bobby Minio: That’s right, let the world know how you feel. Let self absorbed feminine napkins like that greasy haired geisha Matsuda hear you. You sit around in your underage mail order bride diddling headquarters of yours, your little slice of Neverland ranch, and you run your mouth at a SAFE DISTANCE about my failed revolution. What part of my revolution has failed? I have become one of the most talked about superstars in this industry and I don’t even have to win matches. I have earned the respect and hatred all at once of my colleagues and peers. I have become a target, with northern imported bedwetters like A.C. Cobra gunning to turn my own friends against me just to hang on to my dingleberries as I rocket off into space. Even the number one contender, Mr. Mayo on a ham sandwich himself, Tobin Frost, thinks he’ll get a rub off of Super Tobin Bombing my brains into my balls…
Bobby Minio: Face the facts, dummies! If I am this joke, this obscure little locust buzzing away all summer long, you all wouldn’t care to even deal with me, or speak about me. No, you have all betrayed yourselves, your jealousy of my ability to speak my mind without the fear that you all fear of losing to each other, because quite frankly, I just don’t give a S***!
Bobby Minio: … but my revolution failed. The nerve of you. The nerve of you all! Do you know why I joined up with C4? Do you think I was desperate for friends? Do I look and sound like a man who is here to make FRIENDS? No. I joined C4 because C4 goes over EVERYTHING. That’s not a bumper sticker, that’s a fact. C4, over EVERYTHING. I live by that, and if you’ve been paying attention, it is the goddamned truth. Who is getting more time on a Riot show, your tag team champions, the M.I. A-Team?! What have you been tuning in to, me verbally destroying an entire roster week after week or Cody Storm’s disgusting oedipus complex?
For just a moment, the fans join with Minio’s narrative, booing the yulmucha off of Cody Storm’s name and actions.
Bobby Minio: Do you tune in to watch your precious heroes like OMG implode, or fade into obscurity like a wet fart? Give me a break. It is time to get REAL for a second. It’s time to look past the presentation of well packaged mental misfits like Cut-Throat and look at the cold hard facts. Your heroes have failed you. The OCW has one hero left, Tobin Frost, and he’s only in this for himself anyway. C4 have been your heroes from the start. We were the first ones to tell you that OMG was rotten, and now look at it, a molded over caved in mess, like a jackolantern in January. Who else is left? The ex-convict ex-boss of this company? Really, your hero is going to be some criminal who’s conjugal visits consisted of a foam cup of Vino, a guy who robbed a corner store and a pillow to bite?! I’m expected to believe in THAT?
Bobby Minio: Your heroes are right in front of you. Long after Matsuda has retired to ride the teacups in that love letter to his ego he calls a home, long after Tobin Frost has come up short against Cody and the wacklist, long after Cut-Throat has demasked to show that he’s really just some guy who used to bag groceries in a suburb, Bobby Minio, and C4 will be left standing. Stealing every Riot. Stealing every Lution...
He turns, facing the Wrestlelution banner that is raised high beside the stage. He pauses for a moment, staring at it.
Bobby Minio: We were the only set in the OCW who promised your asses we would take it. Well look right now. We already own the spotlight. We already own the mouths and minds of the roster and the fans. C4 has gone over everything. You’re just watching our victory lap.
To punctuate his statement, Minio’s free arm extends, his fingers folding down, his index finger pointing at the Wrestlelution banner, the barrel to his gun as he does the familiar C4 gun at the personification of the hard work that makes up OCW. Finally, he turns toward the crowd, bringing the mic up to his face with a certain deliberance.
Bobby Minio: MIC DROP.
With the warning, the mic drops, a loud bouncing pop ringing out over the PA before the feed from the mic is cut. Minio dips his head to soak in the waters of the ocean of boos, before turning on his heel with an about face, and walking backstage as the instrumental of Childish Gambino’s Bonfire plays him out.
The Camera pans to the announce team!
I thought he would never shut up. |
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How dare you disrespect the future of this company. Stop living in the past Charles stop living in the past! |
The Camera pans to the parking lot!
The Camera pans to the announce team!
Oh boy he's here! |
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YES! |
The scene opens up to the grandiose locker room of Your World Heavyweight Champion, Cody Storm. The Blacklist are hanging around in the room and Storm is no where to be seen for the moment.
Wheeler: "I can't believe we're curtain jerking. We run roughshod over this company for two months. We show we're a force to be reckoned with, and they make us open the show."
Jonny D: "How can you be worried about our position on the card? We're at the "grandest stage of them all"......and our opponents are two guys that are a pack of sparkles away from beating out Robert Pattinson for worst vampire imitation."
The eyes go rolling as Wheeler shakes his head in frustration.
Jonny D: "But that's ok. Ultimately, we've made it to their pinnacle show, and now we have the opportunity to tear down these walls and push our invasion one step further."
Wheeler: "Alright, time to go then."
Wheeler turns and yells towards a doorway that wasn't in the frame of the camera before.
Wheeler: "We shouldn't even be ten minutes Cody. We'll be back before you know it."
Wheeler and Jonny D turn and exit the locker room, and right after the door closes a loud bang comes from the opposite direction as the screen fades out.
The Camera pans to the announce team!
The Young Bloods are Ready!
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It's Blacklist not Young Bloods you dolt! |
The Camera pans to the ramp!
Rebelution stands in the ring to an loud boo. A.C. along with Luke Funetes are in the ring in there Cobra WL9 gear. A.C. grabs the mic and begins to speak.
A.C. Cobra- Wrestlution I made it I made it. See I'm not so happy about that though.
A.C. pauses and the crowd begins to cheer. Luke is clapping his hands and Cobra is laughing before he speaks.
A.C. Cobra- Not happy because this has been every star biggest jump from mid card to main event. Or main event back to the depths of mid carding and half assed promos.
Cobra begins pacing around the ring. He points down towards the ring with his index finger.
A.C. Cobra- See it's this very stage right here that people will kill and die for. Look at your world champ he rose from the ashes and is now main eventing the biggest stage.
Crowd boos at even the slightest mentioning of Cody Storm.
A.C. Cobra- This stage represents everything OCW stands for. This is the birth place of 500K entrances, comebacks,heel turns this is the PPV for it all! But as I sat in my room last night I begin to think what if someone does it different?
A.C. Cobra- What if someone stops letting clowns like Drago and Bobby rise to the top because there the wrestling Seth Rogans? What if someone ends the ignorance of seriousness?
A.C. pauses for a second and continues
A.C. Cobra- We've been warning you brainwashed fans weeks after weeks about commander coming. You don't care why is that? Is it because it didn't come with a catchy tag line is it because we didn't spoon fight for half and an hour. Rebelution could give 2 flying forearms about you morons perceive us.
Crowd begins to boo some more.
A.C. Cobra- What we do care about is getting OCW back to its glory days. Yes! Yes! I can see it now commander as champ and us as tag champs. Will do away with the mid card titles. Will do away with half assed wrestlers who's only in for the gold. Will do away with weak Cold War comic relief gimmicks. Will do away with backstage politics. Will do away with it all and only Rebelution will be standing
A.C. and Luke exit the ring the decent fades
The Camera pans to the announce team!
Reblution is a mystery! |
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Doing things that no one sees! |
Up next the Black list make there debut against Kindred! |
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This is going to be exciting! |
What a way to start the show! |
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No word! and I mean no word, not no words. |
The Xtron flickers on focused on a dimly, lantern lit corner somewhere in the rafters of the arena, nothing can be seen on the screen besides the small flickering flame, directly in the center of the darkness, the sharp, screeching sound of scraping metal pierces the arena as it screams out from the state of the art sound system, this goes on for about 15 seconds and suddenly comes to a halt, and the edge of an old, metal bucket can just be made out in the flicker of the flame.
2 boots quickly come in and out of focus, as a figure sits down atop the bucket, the figure leans down, close to the source of the light, the only parts visible being the lower half oh his face, a bare torso and the cuffs of his 'flesh' coat.
The figure begins to speak, the man is instantly recognized by the crowd when he speaks as he exposes his numerous gold teeth.
Cut-Throat : 'Little Fish'.....
Cut-Throat : Tonight be the night...in the grandest port in all the land.
A grubby hand comes into view as he twirls on his rat-tail goatee.
Cut-Throat : It be the night that ye be taken down, down to the very gates of the Kraken's lair.
Cut-Throat : Ye want to play the path of the righteous man, ye want to judge me, and ye want to lay claim to putting down the legend....
Cut-Throat : Well...Ye cannot open the book of my life, and jump in half way through....
Cut-Throat : Ye know not who or what ye be dealing with....
Cut-Throat : Ye lips be ordering goods ye do not have the silver to pay for...
Cut-Throat : CUT-THROAT ONCE SOLD A COMB TO A BALD HEADED MAN!!!!!
Cut-Throat : Do ye see what ye be dealing with???
Cut-Throat : The Legend continues........
The Camera pans to the announce team!
HOIST THE COLOURS! |
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Oh sit the hell down! |
We break away from the excitement and glamour of e-wrestling's biggest night to the harsh landscape of the largest female correctional facility in the United States, the Central California Women's Facility, where we find half of Betty Ford in Anna Mosity surrounded by fellow inmates, passed out on a cot in the minimum security holding area.
The reason why Ms. Mosity seems to have skipped the judicial process and sent straight to the facility which is the state of California's only death row for women is because of a particularly brutal bar fight, the night prior, where Anna, in preparation for her Wrestlution debut against the Unrelenting Fists of Yale, was brawling with a small party of Hells Angels over a game of billiards.
After sexually assaulting a police officer, Mosity would skip the drunk tank and go straight to the state pen, where she remained to this moment, sporting a broken nose cast and a shiner from the previous night's festivities.
Slowly, she begins to come to, rubbing her throbbing head as she begins to realize where she was.
Anna: What the f*ck happened last night?
Shuffling to her feet, Anna narrowly avoids smacking her head on the bunk bed above her, propping herself up on the set of beds adjacent to her. Of course, still slightly intoxicated, our heroine stumbles and falls onto the belly of a giant jabba the hut of a woman, sporting an eye patch and a stubbly mustache.
The MUTO of course reacted violently shoving Anna off her and onto the ground. The name on her orange jumpsuit read Beatrice Maloney.
Big Beatice: Dafuq you think yer coin' fresh meat? Do you know who I yam?!
Beatrice arises standing at an impressive six feet tall, maybe six inches taller than Anna.
Anna: Are you the baddest b*tch in here?
Big Beatrice: No. That'd be my wife…
Just than an even larger more hideous woman with an anchor tattoo on her neck rears her ugly head. Her uniform reads "Paul", for some reason.
Paul: Is this *** bothering' you?
Anna: So you're the baddest b*tch in here?
Paul: SO what if I yam?
Without warning Anna ounces on her taking her down and punching wildly. The rest of the inmates break out into a massive brawl and the scene fades.
The Camera pans to the announce team!
You know Anna could take some lessons from Orange is the New Black! |
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Why isn't she in man jail, she has mannish features! |