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LIVE FROM MADISON SQUARE GARDEN
We are inside of Oasis Day Spa on Park Ave in Manhattan. Kneesus Christ Mr. Summercide, Tiberius Octavian Dupree is getting a Maple Brown Sugar Body Scrub.
His long luscious hair tied in the most perfect bun imaginable, he lays face down enjoying the aroma of his homeland.
He suddenly hears the most disgusting voice he could remember in recent memory. The screech of her cadence was pure disrespect to his Betterness.
The White Queen herself Madison Cox can be heard in the lobby demanding service. All the attendees scramble to her needs immediately.
Madison: Hello?! HELL-LOOO?? Why hasn't my treatment started yet??
Lowly employee: But Miss Cox, your appointment isn't for another 15 minutes.
Madison: A Queen does not limit herself within the confines of time!! Appointments are for commoners. This porcelain skin won't wait one more minute!!
After accosting the attendees, she is quickly prepped for her hibiscus & pearl scrub while Dupree impatiently waits for his service to proceed. He begins to get more and more irate, as Madison is escorted into the room.
Dupree: How dare you impede on my Betterness with your disgusting presence. Don’t you have a megalomaniac to nurture? One of you plebs finish my body scrub and outcast this filth to the spider bin.
Madison wrinkles her nose at Dupree as she scowls.
Madison: Ugh, it's you. “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Betterness” Dupree. Aren't people of your kind using drugstore Sun-In for that rats nest?
To both their dismay, Madison’s table is set up right next to Dupree’s.
Dupree: Please my hair is worth your blackened soul twice over. And just because you “claim” to be a female, doesn’t mean I won’t knee you into the atmosphere the next chance I get.
Attendee: Sir you have to stop moving…
Madison: You can only hope that those arthritic knobs you call knees would be lucky enough to even graze this holy skin.
Madison: Now then. You there, freckles, bring me a freshly steamed towel so we can get this over with.
The attendee brings over a folding partition to put between them. He helps Madison onto her table to begin her session.
Madison: See that? No free show for you, Dupe-pree.
Dupree: Free show of what…. mediocrity? If I wanted to see that I’d watch …
The camera fades before Tibby can finish his last words “To Be Continued” replace them instead.
The camera pans to the announce team.
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I can assure the audience this is going to end poorly! |
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One Spa cannot contain such BEAUTY! |

A.C Cobra vs Lawrence Larkspur
The camera pans to the announce team.
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Right in the scoobysnacks! |
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Ouchers! |
The camera pans out from Leon's shocked facial expression after seeing this person he knows, in this Tibetan prison with him.
Leon: How the bloody hell, did you get here?
The camera turns to a man, wearing a green 'gamblers visor' shuffling cards and smoking either opium or weed.
Gentlman Jack: I assure you, this is opium.
Leon: Congratulations?
Gentlman Jack: I haven't won yet (Jack draws his attention back to the table of poker players he's surrounded by) ante up gents, we have little time for me to take all your earthly possessions and possibly anal virginity.
Leon: What...the...fffff
Old Man: Yeah, he takes no prisoners.
Gentlman Jack: We're in prison...besides heroin, opium, meth, weed, cigarettes, alcohol, cell phones, model trains, crack and crack, prisoners is all we got.
Old Man: Just deal the cards you bat s*** crazy weirdo.
As Jack begins to deal the cards, Leon makes his way over to where Jack is seated. Looking at his hand, he realizes that he is holding a 7 of hearts, and a 2 of diamonds.
Leon, knowing the spoken and unspoken rules of poker, lets the hand unfold. As the bets go around a few people fold, Jack confidently calls each bet.
The flop hits the table, and Jack now has 3 - 7's and a 2. Everyone drops out, except the old man and Jack. The turn hits, and it's a Jack of hearts.
Gentlman Jack: That's the only Jack with a heart at this table old man. I'd keep that in mind.
Old Man angrily peers at Jack.
Old Man: All in!
Jack calls the old man, and when both men turn their cards, it shows that they're both holding a 7 and a 2.
Gentlman Jack: You dirty bastard!
Old Man: Son of a bitch!
Gentlman Jack: I guess your asshole is safe for now.
Old Man: My asshole is safe for eternity you sick bastard.
Jack smirks at the grizzled old man. He hands the cards to the person to his left, and turns to talk with Leon.
Gentlman Jack: So how'd they find you?
Leon: At the pay per view.
Gentlman Jack: The big priest guy come get you?
Leon: Yep, carried me right out of the arena.
Gentlman Jack: So, let me get this right...Monk's halfway across the world know you killed Versus, but U.S. authorities are still wrapping their heads around it, and ironing out the details? Land of the free, home of the idiots...
Leon: I didn't kill Versus.
Gentlman Jack: Bull sheeeeet you didn't.
Leon: Well, I woulnd't have had to finish the job, if SOMEONE knew how to drive a garbage truck.
Gentlman Jack: It was my first time driving a garbage truck! And in my defense, I was very, VERY high...and drunk...but still very high.
"Place your bets!" can be heard behind Jack as he turns back around to play another hand...
The camera pans to the announce team.
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WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTT SAY IT AIN'T SO!!!! |
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WHO KNEW HE HAD A SPINE!!! |
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