OCWFED.com Presents Riot

   

 

LIVE FROM MADISON SQUARE GARDEN

 

The camera pans to the announce team.

Welcome to the big 480!

On a Muggy Summer Night Riot Episode 480 begins!

We got a great show for you tonight!

Surprises and championship matches and it all starts now!

 

Cort Marshall and Jim Black, the dynamic duo of a Clint Eastwood wannabe and an interviewer who doesn't get paid enough for this sh*t, are together again backstage at OCW Riot in Madison Square Garden.

Cort:
You know, I've said this many times, but never quite in this context; this Black guy is a real problem in the neighborhood.

Jim gives him the side-eye.

Cort:
Not you, Jim. Or any of the thugs around here, at least this time. I'm talking about Dennis Black. The next midget in the long list of midgets you people like to book me against. Frankly, he's hogging all the titles. I'm glad OCW management agrees with me, and have given yours truly a title match tonight! A match, of course, that I will win. So. What will you do when I am the prestigious champion of Oh-See-Dubleyew television?

Cort flexes after saying this, the same pose he took as H2O was pinned in their tag match.

Jim:
I'm afraid we'll have to wait and see if you deliver on that promise, sir. After all, Dennis Black has stopped any and all competition laid before him dead in its tracks.

Cort: Okay, sure, he's beaten some other over-the-hill dingus tooters. But do you really, honestly believe, for even a single second, that a man with hair that gross has any chance of beating me? I'm going to wring the 10-30 weight oil out of that half-mullet abomination after I lay him out in the ring tonight, and I am going to rub it on his face to teach him a lesson on proper self-grooming.

Jim: Big talk, coming from you.

Cort: Excuse me? I'll have you know the constant smell of chewing tobacco and cheap alcohol is the smell of AMERICA! Guaranteed to attract the ladies better than any girly-man's perfume.

Jim: And how many ladies have you attracted so far?

Cort turns to stare at Black accusingly for calling him out on his boast.

Cort:
… Back in my stomping grounds? As many as I wanted. Here? None. Because all the ladies around here might as well be men, as I've gone over before. Not my fault I can't convince a bunch of carpet muchers to change their Subaru-driving ways.

Jim shakes his head to avoid that mental image.

Jim:
Back to the match, Sergeant, do you have any special strategies in mind for the big fight?

Cort: Strategies are for homosexuals and Europeans, Jim... not that the two are functionally any different. I, as a proper military man, eschew any and all forms of preparation. Before each fight, I drink and I smoke and I watch Golden Girls—I mean ROCKY IV, with the volume maxxed. I know I can beat Dennis Black, Jim. Because no matter what he does, once I lock him in for the Cort Summons, it's good night, see you later, come again when your credit score's above double digits. And YES, WE DO TAKE AMERICAN EXPRESS! HOO-AHH!

Cort takes a moment to calm down before removing his glasses and speaking in a quieter tone.

Cort:
Of course, I don't want to underestimate him. I've seen what he can do. I've seen the people who've tried and failed to take his crown. But I have more skill in my left asscheek than any of them have in their entire bodies. I'm not a regicidal man. I relish order. I like it to be enforced. Violently. But tonight, Jim... I kill the king.

Cort dons the aviators once again, and walks offscreen with a serious look on his face.

Jim:
You never know what can happen in OCW, folks! Stay tuned for what's up next!

The camera pans to the announce team.

For the love of Pete!

Cort Doesn't give a damn!

 

It's a Match!
Molly vs Heather Angelo

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The camera pans to the announce team.

Woah!

Holy cow!

Scene opens with Gentleman Jack struggling with each sit up. Dennis Black looks on with a sigh as jack breaks wind on his last stretch. After filling the room with an ungodly stench, The Turmoil General Manager begins shadow boxing.

Dennis:
Come to think of it, i’ve never seen you work so hard at anything. Why this? Why now?

Jack: Drago kicked my ass and embarrassed me. On cable TV no less!

Dennis: We aren’t on cable. OCW has their own network. A network can you can subscribe to right now, and get access to all of our pay per views...past and present...including Summercide for only $9.99.

Jack stopped boxing and stared at Dennis.

Jack
: Did you just shill?

Dennis: Never.

Jack: Hmm. Anyway! I got this buddy, don’t you worry.

Jack: Just imagine it....Dennis Black and Gentleman Jack, fighting for the OCW Championship.

Dennis glanced away and rolled his eyes.

Dennis:
It isn’t wise to take Versus so lightly.

Jack: Not worried at all. I got this!

Dennis: You’re high aren’t you?

Jack: Absolutely!

Dennis: Jack?

Jack: Sup?

Dennis: I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. That’s all. I’ll let you get back to your training. Good luck.

Dennis exits the locker room and leaves Jack to his training.

The camera pans to the announce team.

It's ON!

I can't wait!

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