Ladies and Gentleman, DID YOU MISS US???? we are back on the scene! With RIOT 572
ULTRA EDITION!
We fade into the P3 Soundstage, where Mugen is seated by himself at his desk with his loyal corgis at his side, playing tug of war with his Legendz Champion Chip as always. The spotlight shines on the Sultan of Safety.
Mugen: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the P3 Bonanza. We’re back after another historical Wrestlution in the books. So many safe contests, great battles, and most importantly….
The spotlight disappears and the entire soundstage is lit up with bright shiny lights and confetti. Drago is seen dancing around and playing a trumpet. Bubba follows along with him, prancing around on his hind legs.
Mugen: EMP IS STILL CHAMP!!!!
The Sensational Impersonator: MAMA GUEVO!
EMP is seen with the World’s Women’s Wrestling Championship on her shoulder. She gingerly takes a seat at the couch.
EMP: Ow ow ow.
Drago takes a seat opposite EMP. Bubba positions himself between the two and lies on his side.
Drago: We are so proud. It was this time last year you leave.
EMP: I only came back for P3. Never expected to be in the title picture.
Mugen: But you know, things could’ve been different. Our next guest has some insight….to the future! Please welcome….The TOLMCinator.
The crowd gasps as they see a giant man wearing shades, jeans, and a leather jacket, suspiciously looking quite similar to The World’s Greatest Hunter. He stands beside Drago and the two exchange an awkward glare. He looks back at Mugen.
Mugen: So who or exactly what are you?
TOLMCinator: I was sent from duh future to ensure the darkest timeline would not happen.
EMP: Sounds terrifying.
TOLMCinator: It is. But I still have work to do to complete my mission. Judgment Day is at hand.
A portal opens up in the middle of the soundstage and The TOLMCinator steps through it, transporting all of us to a point in the past….
The scene is September 2 Remember 2016. The Overlord Mugen has just defended his OCW Championship against Drago Cesar in the cell. However, the war isn’t over.
The two of them square off at the top of the cell. Mr. Sensation, or perhaps better known at the time as The Winter Sensation stands beside Mugen.
Having lost his job at the hands of The Overlord and his sanity thanks to the Purge serum, he stares daggers at Drago, ready to pounce.
However, The TOLMCinator arrives from his portal at the top of the cell, wielding a double-barreled giant BB gun. He points it up at The Winter Sensation.
Winter Sensation: What the fu-
Without a moment of hesitation, The TOLMCinator blows away the former boss, sending him flying and careening into the announce table below.
Overlord: JESUS CHRIST. WHO IS THIS?! WINTER SENSATION IS SUPPOSED TO BE PUMPED FULL OF SERUM AND PUERTO RICAN RAGE.
Past Drago: Who are you???
The portal opens back up and The TOLMCinator steps through it once more.
A FEW YEARS AGO……
The year is 2014. Drago Cesar, the young fledgling hunter is seen prepping backstage for his upcoming match against the then OCW Champion Cody Storm, studying his matches by watching a TV hooked up to a VCR.
The TOLMCinator transports himself right in front of the TV. He swings behind him and destroys the television. Drago stands up and looks at the strange man.
Past Drago: Hey! I’m watch it TV what you doing?
The TOLMCinator: Do not compete against Cody Storm tonight.
Past Drago: Why?
The TOLMCinator: Because duh future depends on it.
The TOLMCinator grabs him by the throat and takes him to an undisclosed location.
PRESENT DAY
We go back to the P3 soundstage, looking just as it was before. The TOLMCinator stands in the middle, BB gun in hand.
Mugen: Doesn’t look that different to me.
Bubba sits up and starts whimpering. He starts to dissipate, reaching out for Drago.
Drago: HEY! What the hell is this?
The TOLMCinator: You return Bubba to the wild, feeling responsible for not raising him correctly in the wild.
Drago: The wild? What wild? There no home for him there anymore! Environment going bad and people gonna try to kill him!
EMP: Um...Guys….
“Fred” starts to dissipate as well, leaving Drago and Mugen distressed. An incensed Drago looks around and storms out.
Mugen: I thought this was supposed to PREVENT the darkest timeline.
The TOLMCinator: We did. SkyNate is no longer present and humans can live peacefully. But “Fred Durst” becomes the real Fred Durst, and your “real” Fred Durst no longer exists.
Mugen: Ok….So who’s the OCW Champion in this “ideal” timeline?
The TOLMCinator: The Mantis.
Before Mugen can muster a response, Drago comes out from behind and smashes The TOLMCinator’s head in with a guitar. He puts him in a camel clutch while screaming in his native language. Mugen joins in with a boston crab.
EMP steps in and stomps on the robot’s head. Eventually the three rip The TOLMCinator in half, causing sparks and wires to go flying everywhere.
Mugen: THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY WE CAN ALLOW THIS TIMELINE TO BE CONSIDERED IDEAL.
Drago: What do we do?!
EMP: Oh no!
Mugen: UH UH.
ROOKIE DEBUT A.C. COBRA vs. OWEN
Previous recorded radio segment
SourMilk: L.A. Leakers here with Justin Credible, Power 106. I think this is the first time ever we had a wrestler on our show to do a freestyle.
Credible: Yes. Yes. We’re sitting here with one of the biggest OCW Superstars; he is no doubt THEE Head Superstar and Longest Reigning OCW World Heavyweight Champion H2O.
H2O: Respect. Glad to stop by. Had to visit my boy Tyson Wagner in town so I figured to stop by and show how Canadians can have fun and rhyme.
SourMilk: So you're gonna be fire like Drake?
H2O: I’m going to be cool like H2O.
Credible: OKAY OKAY! Confidence is at a high tide today!
SourMilk: No question! But we do have one question before we get into it, what’s with the dreads Harvey?
H2O: A lot of people know the story about Samson. But not many people know the story of the Rastafarians and why they wear them like the late great Bob Marley.
H2O: It symbolizes a lion’s mane. My birthday is in August so I’m a leo. I’ll be 33 years young like Jesus when he died. With that being said, it also symbolizes the return of a powerful leader. I’m making a full return of my job with a new position as Head Greatness.
SourMilk: Now that’s dope, Harvey. Instead of saying “HOV”, we gonna say “O”.
All three men laugh.
SourMilk: Your confidence is definitely high my man. Let’s give you a beat right now and ride this wave. We’re going to give you a unique beat. It’s a Jay Z like beat called “Upper Class” just for your stature.
H2O: Say no more. Let’s go.
DJ SourMilk plays the beat as Harvey bobs his head to wait for the right moment to go in.
Rated R Superstar? Nah//
More like the longest reigning Head Superstar//
H2O you already know//
Dominate the ring from coast to coast//
Franchize ego is obese and big as Mark Reese//
I snipe that ego inflation with no hesitation//
Cuz I have no fear like The Deer//
Play defense on shooters like my last name Tucker//
Don’t play games like dem boys at The Rucker//
I take it to MSG and the Barclays//
Those are the playgrounds I like to play//
From day to day men pray on my downfall//
I know they thirst for H2O, Chill//
Weed is what you need//
Otherwise I’ll make you drown in this league//
With my prestige leaving fans intrigued//
Curing this mic like a doctor//
Mood can turn 180 to 1080, kidding me//
My life went full circle call me H-2- Infinity//
Planning to eat salami with fettuccine cause I’m nasty//
Riot I’m gonna eat some full course mexican//
To prove to the world I can flex again//
He made it to 361? Sounded like fun//
Ya pockets fat with green and big like Pun//
They’re filled with so much envy, Wow//
H2O has to run them pockets now//
To show you who really runs this town//
I’m the only water that brings fire//
To give OCW what it desires.
H2O: Riptide jawlines to make you talk like Kanye Thru The Wire.
DJ SourMilk cut the beat off then him and Credible applause H2O for his bars.
Credible: That was pretty good coming from a wrestler.
H2O: Shout out to Anthony Baker. B2O days can’t ever leave me.
SourMilk: We have to get paid and let our sponsors take over. LA Leakers will be right back.
Previously Recorded
It's another busy day at the OCW Combat Center as the last round of midseason tryouts are underway. A notable face in the crowd is Elliot Parker, but he is not there for himself. With him is one of the new signees, who just so happens to be his wife, Alyssa Marceaux.
Parker: Alright babe, here we are. I've taught you everything I could teach you about this company. Now, it's time to show these ladies what you're made of.
Alyssa looks toward him with a sly smirk.
Marceaux: Hon’, these girls aint gon’ know what hit ‘em. I'll be runnin' through this roster like a bobcat in a forest.
Parker: Loving the enthusiasm! They ain't gonna know what hit them.
Marceaux: And how about a little bet… whoever gets a title first is payin' for a date, And you know my tastes.
Parker: And that's a bet I probably won't be losing.
Coach: Alright ladies, showtime!
Hearing that, Alyssa playfully rolls her eyes as the women's tryouts begin. Elliot wishes her luck and heads to another area of the facility for weight training, though she doesn't need it.
…
The following segment is pre-recorded and took place before the show.
We join the scene in the parking garage, there’s a bit of a raucous, fans watching, hollering and clapping. The on-goings, however, are horrendously bizarre.
A Brit, a vanilla midget and an old man are, for reasons unknown to all, playing basketball with one another. Jordan Trance manages to steal the ball from Colin and grins, showboating with his dribbling.
Jordan: Bet they don’t have this back in Limey Land!
He crosses over and drives past, Judge lumbers in the background as Jordan goes up for the dunk, and just sails under the hoop, crashing and burning in what can only be described as a sick bump. Without a word, Judge quietly picks up the ball and shoots for an easy two.
Colin attempts to get in the way and block with one of his signature long jumps, but he appears to jump in completely the wrong direction, allowing the ball to sail into the basket, unopposed.
Colin:Bugger. I hate this targeting system. What’s the score now?
Judge just shrugs, he’s winning by a considerable amount and checks the ball back to Colin for his turn.
Colin: Alright, I’m feeling good about this.
Colin blows Judge and does a quick dribble move to get passed Jordan, going to the rim for an easy lay, but out of nowhere Colin gets swatted. He is sent crashing to the ground hard as the person stands over him.
Colin: Jesus, these American sports are brutal.
Colin looks up to the person standing over him which turns out to be Just Derek as Tre and Mac step up with him.
JD: Man you are too little to be playing this sport Colin.
Colin gets up off the floor and stands with Judge and Jordan Trance. Jordan tries to leap forward and attack one of the Wolves but Colin stops him and tells him to calm down.
Colin: Don’t worry, I called them here. Visited them in a dream and told them we were playing basketball, it was great.
Tre’s eyes widen for a second, but it’s not long before Colin clarifies.
Colin: Nah, they had some stuff in a storage lot, I had it sent to them along with some other stuff saying that they’re crap and we can beat them.
Judge and Trance both look at Colin incredulously.
Colin: What, it’s how wrestling works, I say someone’s rubbish, and they try and fight me to prove they aren’t rubbish. Also, man’s got my belt, and I couldn’t even get my Brexit passport sorted, it’s a nightmare.
JD: We didn’t come here to brawl with you Colin, we came here to play a quick 3 v 3 pick up game.Our rules.
Jordan steps in front of Judge and Colin and walks toward Derek and gets in his face.
Jordan:Why should we play by your rules? How about this, we do a jump ball and whoever wins we play by their rules. I’ll jump for my time.
Colin and Judge: Are you serious Jordan?
Colin and Judge both sigh and step back as Jordan gets ready to jump.
JD: Alright then here’s our jumper. Nate Mac.
Mac steps forward and looks down on Jordan and chuckles and gets ready.
Jordan: I don’t think I got this now.
Colin: You think? You absolute donkey.
Derek takes the ball and throws it up as Jordan jumps in the air, but he jumps way too early, and Mac grabs the ball without jumping before handing it to Derek.
JD: Alright, so here’s the rules: First to 21, no fouls, no outs, and we go by 1’s and 2’s. We get the ball first too.
20 minutes into the game after many alley oops, three’s, paint bullying, and blocking. We come to the game point. The score, 20-0. The Wolves up 20. Jordan Trance has the ball as Colin and Judge are being locked up ,as Derek is guarding Jordan.
JD: Come on, Trance, go for the drive, be yourself man. Or you can keep living in your daddy’s shadow and being a failure to carry the last name Trance, you tiny bit-
Jordan visibly angry slaps Derek to move him out the way and drives the ball to the rim and jumps and and dunks.
Judge: No gosh-darn way!
Jordan, Judge, and Colin celebrate as if they won the game, but they’re just happy they scored a point.
JD: Are you forgetting something, mini Trance?
Derek is spinning the basketball on one finger, and Jordan realizes that when he dribbled past Derek he stole the ball and Jordan just dunked air.
Derek outta nowhere passes to Mac and Mac drives to the rim jumps and goes under the leg and throws it off the backboard and Derek catches it and goes behind the back and throws it off the backboard.
Colin:You know what? Let me do this. I'll stand under the rim and try to block.
Judge: No Colin, get from under there!
But the Judge is too late. Colin is standing under the rim as Tre jumps up, having caught the pass off the backboard from Derek. Tre performs a spinning 360 tomahawk dunk and literally dunks on Colin. Tre does his best AI impression and steps over a now grounded Colin to go and celebrate with the Wolves.
Tre: That’s game, mutha-!
Colin: That may, indeed, be game, Tre. Thing is, though, it’s not the game that matters, we just wanted to tire you out before our match. We outsmarted you, you guys are gonna be knackered out there.
Tre: Colin,the match is tomorrow, it's Thursday, not Friday.
Colin thinks and checks his mobile. He looks up from it, the camera focusing on him and his blank, disappointed expression.
Colin: Pacific time. Always catches me out.
Jordan: It’s Eastern Time.
Colin: I knew it was one of them.
Without warning, Mac blasts Jordan in the back of the head with the ball, knocking him across the make-shift court. Judge retaliates by punching him square in the face and all hell breaks loose. The five men, whilst Jordan recovers, begin brawling.
Colin winds up in a double headlock from Derek and Mac, Tre and the Judge brawl back and forth, hurling obscenities at one another. Eventually the group begins to collect underneath the hoop, just in time for Jordan to climb up and deliver a massive hang-time moonsault into the dog-pile of bodies.
Everyone hits the deck and begins to groan in pain as match officials swarm the area, looking absolutely livid that the six-man tag have just potentially taken themselves out before the show.
Colin: Oh, Jesus, I am not going to feel great tomorrow.
Tre: Shut up!
Jordan rolls over onto his back, moaning.
Jordan: Oh god it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Judge: You pesky kids!
Mac just stares up at the ceiling, windmilling his feet in the air as he makes odd noises, presumably they’re pained noises.
AHOY HOY ROOKIE! CHRIS BAXTER
vs. HUNTER MCINTYRE
The cameras open up to the backstage area of Riot 572. The calm before the storm, the ring crew is putting together the ring, the producers are going over their notes for the show, and we see promising rookie Christian Garcia doing some stretches.
Out of the corner of his eye he sees a limousine pull into the venue, as the driver gets out and opens the door, we see Dennis Dillinger, and El Parca.
Parca exiting the limo in a lavish Louis Vuitton suit has both Tag Team Championships draped around his neck. The two men make their way past everyone until they finally are about to pass Christian.
Parca taps Dillinger on the shoulder and gives him a smirk mouthing “I’ll catch up to you.”
Parca turns toward Christian Garcia and eyes him up and down. He takes a step back and puts his hands up like they are a camera.
Parca: I gotta say, with all the rookies that I’ve seen you take the cake for the angriest looking one yet. Why so glum chum? The birds are chirping, I stand before you as Parca Dos Straps 2.0, and Mark Reese is gone! What could you possibly be so stoic for?
Christian looks at El Parca, initially, as if the champion had insulted him. However, his expression very quickly returns to a solemn neutral as he stands back to his full height.
Christian: I’ll be a lot angrier if you don’t explain why you’re interrupting me.
Parca laughs obnoxiously in Christian’s face.
Parca: INTERRUPTING YOU?! Oh goodness. Tsk tsk tsk, y’know I thought rookies were smarter nowadays obviously that appears to be false. I’m not interrupting you son, I’m blessing you with my presence and allowing you the opportunity to absorb some of my greatness by just being around me.
Christian pauses, staring at Parca for a solid, silent several seconds. Finally, his composure breaks, and he tries to suppress a smile. He’s clearly humoring Parca at this point.
Christian: You know what, champ? You’re right. Wasn’t that busy anyway. So, what brings you to… bless me with your presence? Just the first rookie you found, or what?
Parca’s demeanor changes, it shifts and he seems like the Parca of old for a moment.
Parca: No, not the first rookie I found. The first rookie that I saw that is WORTH it. I seen that spark in your eye in the Rookie Rush, unfortunate circumstances lead to unfortunate results. Trust me, I’d know.
Parca takes a step closer to Christian as he puts his hand on Christian’s arm.
Parca: You ever wanna take the opportunities instead of standing by the wayside? Come and talk to me again.
Parca removes his hand off Christian’s arm as he smirks at the rookie. He walks away as Christian is still there.
Christian’s false smile quickly fades, but he doesn’t resume stretching, instead staring after Parca with that same stoic look on his face. The cameras pan down and move on to the next segment.
The camera switches to Tiberius Octavian Dupree’s office, where the General Manager is signing off on some paperwork at his extravagant HARD maple wood desk. After a moment, someone knocks on the door.
Dupree: Come in!
The door swings open as Solomon Caine comes through the door frame, dressed in a t-shirt and jean shorts. He walks over to one of the fuzzy chairs in front of Dupree’s desk and takes a seat.
Solomon Caine: You called?
Dupree: Why do you look like you're hosting a garage sale?! Did you even shower this week?! Kneesus Christ, matter of fact….
Solomon Caine: If you think I’m gonna sit here and listen to you rant, you’ve got another thing coming.
Caine starts to sit-up out of the chair before the General Manager interrupts him.
Dupree: Hold your matteos, don't get your panties ruffled. I have a gift for you, well it's not exactly from me but the great man who pays my elegant salary and I'm just taking credit.
Dupree reaches underneath his desk, pulls out a silver briefcase, and sits it in front of him.
Dupree: You have earned this, I am told.
Solomon Caine: What is it?
Dupree: It's a damn sammich! I don't phreaking know, it's not mine to open.
The General Manager lays the case down on the floor and kicks it over to Caine, who picks it up.
Dupree: Now please leave, your mediocrity is ruining the decor.
Solomon Caine: With pleasure.
Caine stands up and heads out the door with the briefcase in tow. He closes the door behind him and goes to sit on a nearby stage crate.
He unlatches the case and cracks it open, revealing a piece of paper that Caine begins to read. As he reads, Caine slowly begins smiling.
Finishing the paper, he places it back in the case, latches it up, and heads down the hallway with some pep in his step. The camera fades to black.
