Yet Another Saturday Turmoil #2! You excited? Because I am Excited!
Scene opens up backstage as Jackman walked into Malu office.
Jackman: Malu! my man. You like the new look with both titles? And How have you been since last week?
Malu: Same shit, different week. I gotta make the ship run and I carry around that championship as well.
Jackman: I’m glad we worked out that deal last week I’m so glad you support my decision 110%.
Malu: Anyone who does what's best for them fine in my book. I've sat back and been passed over time after time. But when I started looking out for me it changed the game.
Malu:
But know if you try and pull anything with me to get ahead you'll regret it for the rest of your life.
Jackman: Alright I don’t want to keep you from anything I have some business to do. Also, tell my new tag partner I said hi!
Malu: Yea... not happening.
Malu rolls his eyes and shakes his head as Jackman walks out of Malu’s office and pulled his phone out. It’s been 2 weeks since he has messaged Valkyrie back as she has been trying to get ahold of him for sometime. His notification counter was up to 354.
Jackman: Only if she really new where Bingo was. It’s like taking candy from a baby.
As Jackman was putting his phone back in his pocket with a smirk on his face he bumped into someone and dropped his phone.
The person that he bumped into reached down and picked up his phone
CJ: Here I think you dropped this.
Jackman looks at CJ in the eyes.
Jackman: Thanks
Jackman grabs the phone from CJ and keeps looking at and walks off.
Jackman: Alright I still have some business to do.
Jackman is still walking around with both of the tag team championship belts. He has a Code Terror backpack on with the Terror part covered up with tape.
Jackman: Where is the nearest dumpster or trash can I can find.
Jackman found a trash can and he laid his backpack on the ground and unzipped the backpack. Moving away B17 Wig, he then pulls out both of the paper plate tag team championship title belts. Jackman smiles as he remembers the memories he had with these titles.
Jackman: These piece of crap titles got me almost to the top of OCW. Now I am at the top of OCW with these tag titles as I am the tag team champions.
Jackman looks at the titles one last time and throws them in the trash can.
Jackman: So long paper plates and so long Tay Terror.
Jackman walks out of scene from the camera laughing loudly as works around him look at him funny like he is a crazed man.
The camera pans to the announce team.
NEW MAN!
New GOLD!
The camera pans to the announce team.
THE BIGGEST PARTY OF THE SUMMER!
YOU MEAN THE HOTTEST!
[Previously Recorded]
We start the segment with a zoomed-in view of the El Camino from last show, and it pulls out to show Cort Marshall standing next to it, welding torch in hand.
Cort: Hey there folks, welcome to the Red White ‘n’ Blue show, with your host, OCW tag team champion Cort Marshall! Have you ever found traffic a pain? Have you ever been stymied by curbs, bollards, barricades, or speed bumps? Do you cringe when the guy in front of you spits gravel all over the windshield? Do you sometimes wish you could just be… above it all? Well today we got the answer for you, so long as you were looking for a literal answer. Today, your friendly uncle--but not too friendly, not a handsy one, just the kind of uncle who has an old pickup…
Cort slaps the hood of the El Camino.
Cort: … and a passing ignorance of safety procedures--is gonna teach you how to build your very own monster truck. Now let’s get started.
The screen wipes with a low-budget American flag jpeg.
Cort: So the first thing you’re gonna need are tires. Well, the real first thing is the truck but if you can’t get ahold of one of those in rural America you’re not smart enough to try the rest of this. So monster truck tires are expensive. Without a doubt. And if you’re watching wrestling, you’re probably what liberals would call “economically depressed,” which is to say, poorer than a college student in Boston. So you look outside and you see, hey, that tractor hasn’t run in a few years. See where I’m going with this?
The screen wipes again to show Cort rolling some large tires onscreen.
Cort: Now old cracked tractor tires may not have the bounciness of proper monster truck wheels, they might be a bit dry and chafed, but they’re about the right size, and as your wife can tell you, that’s what really matters. But before we get those wheels on there, we need to make ‘em fit. So we gotta fabricate chassis components, suspension, all that good stuff to make sure the truck can handle the rigors of the high road, that road being over the roofs of the poor bastards below you.
Cort steps to the right to show a pile of metal piping on the ground.
Cort: You can buy pipe from most building centres or dumps pretty cheap, but if you’re like me, you never stop on your search for a deal. For instance, I found these just sitting on the outside of someone’s house. Crazy what people will give away these days. To attach all this stuff we’ll use the handyman’s secret weapon… a cheap welder.
We switch to a montage of welding and fabricating, showing Cort reinforcing the El Camino’s chassis, and adding some bracing to the inside as well in the form of a roll cage. Lastly, he cuts off some of the wheel wells to accommodate the gigantic wheels, which he attaches with some difficulty--and the help of a forklift. Then we see shot of Cort in the driver’s seat, arm out the window in the classic “guy who drives a truck” pose.
Cort: Okay, so you got your truck all rigged, now what does it need? Ask your teenage self. That’s right. A bitchin’ paintjob. So I’m just gonna pull this into my garage and get to work.
He drives towards his garage, stopping in front of it when he realizes the truck is comically oversized for the building.
Cort: Okay, so maybe we should have painted it beforehand. Oh well, mistakes into miracles, as long as it doesn’t rain…
The camera pans over to a dead buzzard laying in the sand
Cort: And it almost never does, we should be good to go.
Another montage, of Cort using a backhoe bucket to stand on while he spray paints the truck in a simple red-and-blue motif. Then we wipe again to see Cort in the cab of the truck, speaking to the camera.
Cort: And there you have it. Monster truck on a budget. If you have to ask about safety, you’re missing the point. And remember, if the ladies don’t find you handsome, they should sure as hell find you one half of the tag team champions.
He starts the engine, but before he can drive off, Shepherd walks into frame.
Shepherd: Where are you going? We still got more montages to shoot!
The V8’s rowdy rumble drowns him out.
Cort: What?
Shepherd: WHERE ARE YOU GOING!
Cort: WHAT?
Shep curses and just hops into the passenger side.
Shep: Where are we going?
Cort: To Turmoil, of course!
Cort slams the transmission into gear and roars off.
The camera pans to the announce team.
Oh lord!
HAHAHA
BournIstico
vs
Jett Draven & Benji Moore
The camera pans to the announce team.
RIGHT IN THE BREAD BASKET!
Screw it! YOU ARE RIGHT!
As the scene fades in from black we see a deep purple limo pull up in the carpark area, windows tinted. It stops with the door in front of the camera.
The driver walks around and opens the door, allowing none other than Justin Jehst to step out into the arena parking lot, dressed in a dapper dark grey suit jacket and teal business shirt combo, aviators sitting snuggly on his face.
As the Jehst Man exits the vehicle the crowd erupt in cheers in the background. He repositions his suit jacket and looks left, then right before tipping the driver.
Out from behind him steps Elsa Holmgren, his agent, another employee of the studio that has been screwed over by The 0.5%’s purchase of the film company.
She is dressed in her corporate attire, but even the dull greys of her skirt and jacket can’t hide her Swedish beauty.
Jehst takes Elsa by the hand to help her out of the vehicle before leading the way towards the backstage area. As they walk by several staff members, the more ‘daring’ make chicken dance motions behind his back.
He catches one of them out of the corner of his eye, stops, turns around, and makes his way calmly towards the now seemingly nervous coordinator.
Jehst: You. What’s your name?
Coordinator: My.. name… is … Chris - - -
Jehst: I truly do not care what your name is. What I do care about is the respect shown to me by others, especially the people in this arena. You realise we, OCW superstars, by being here in this arena, give you a job? You realise that we, OCW superstars, go through hell just to be here and entertain the people in this arena?
The crowd pop.
Jehst: And I know my Jehsticles out there, wanna see me slap you silly and send you back to waiting tables at Denny’s but guess what?! I’m not that kinda guy. So take this as a warning, chrysanthemum; do not underestimate my ability to lose my cool, or next time, you’ll be going face first through a platter of finger sandwiches. Got me?
The coordinator shakily nods in agreeance.
Jehst: Good. C’mon, Elsa, we’ve got a ‘Jim Black’ to find.
As they turn and walk away, Elsa can be seen mouthing “sorry” to the coordinator, feeling sorry for the poor guy getting cussed out. The scene fades to black as the pair pass the camera and walk out of frame.
