So looking back in retrospect on her debut match....Val couldn’t remember a damn thing. The only thing she remembered was being dumped on the back of her head, courtesy of Joanna Silver (which she had deserved for alluding to her larger frame...) and the thunderous slaps of the official on the canvas to signal her demise - and then everything after that went black.
The day after the match, Val had changed in every area possible. She shaved off one side of her beautiful hair, she adorned the shaved side with bright orange flames - heck, she even discarded her debut attire and went for something more on the Marvel side of things.
Val could finally see the light, or in this case - the very flame that burned so very brightly inside of her.
Val covered her eyes with a half mask that truly made her become the super heroine she had always dreamed of. With her hands clasped onto her hips, she was the epitome of a do-gooder of righteousness.
VAL: ‘’I am the mighty Valcano and I shall bring you to your knees, don’t underestimate the power of justice, as I make you bow down and appease.’’
Val sprung into action and did a karate kick followed up by a front chop, reminiscent of the old days of Batman & Robin with the word ‘’BAM’’ and ‘’THWACK’’ just showing up at her side after each move.
VAL:’’The next battle is set for Turmoil, as I take on Debbie D for one fall, I hope and I pray that I get to blast her with my special flaming FIREBALLL!!!!!!!!!!!’’
Flames surround the very feet of Val as she stands proudly looking to the horizon, from where she is situated.
VAL:’’So take a good look at the victor, who shall stop Debbie’s influencing days, I am on a quest to succeed in the ring, armed with my intense heat rays.’’
The light on the camera blurred from the heat of the flames and flickered, with only Val’s heroic silhouette emblazoned in the wild fires, with the shot coming to a close.
The scene opens in the kitchen of the P3 soundstage and we find OCW Women’s Champion Emp hard at work on a Bobby Minio life size cake for the next P3 Bonanza. She has Icing and batter is everywhere as she’s hard at work trying to shape Bobby’s cake head. She goes to place the head on the rest of the cake body when the door swings up straddling her almost causing her to drop the head.
Emp: Jeez what is wrong with I told you...
Emp looks over toward the door to see a crew of people storming into the soundstage and start moving things around and setting up lights and audio equipment. Emp looks around confused as one of the crew members bumps into her with his boom mic and causes her to drop the head.
Stagehand: I’m sorry about that, how's your head?
Emp: I haven’t heard any complaints yet....
Emp: Oh you mean the cake...it's fine...wait a minute who the hell are you people? Did you Mugen send you all here?
Suddenly Valkyrie walks onto the soundstage followed by a few camera guys and more stage hands.
Valkyrie: Guys! Welcome to the very first episode of How I met my Tag Team Partner. In this show we are going to explore the world, the seas, the skies… the whole stratosphere in an effort to find myself a new tag team partner!
Valkyrie: And what better way to start than with my very first guest! Ha! Let’s not waste any time and let’s goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Emp walks over toward Valkyrie covered in cake and carrying Bobby Minio’s cake head. She stops a few inches away from Valkyrie and stares into the camera.
Emp: Hi Valk! What’s going on? Are we in The Office? Is this the Office?
Valkyrie: The Office? What? NO. This is an OCW Network exclusive series. How I met my Tag Team Partner! And I am here tonight to ask a very simple question….
Valkyrie: Will… YOU be my new TAG TEAM PARTNER!?!?
Valkyrie kneels in front of EMP much like someone would do in front of their loved ones.
Emp: Awwwww valk...I would love to reform our tag team.
Emp: But, you see I kind of don't have the time. I have this bake off I need to be the judge on and Gordon Ramsay wants me to be a guest of Hell’s Kitchen. So maybe next time?
Emp offers Valkyrie a cupcake with Valkyrie’s face on it. Emp gives Valkyrie a hug and kiss on the forehead leaving behind cake frosting on her head. Emp walks away toward the crew members next to her cake.
Emp: Get the hell away from my cake!
The camera pans back to Valkyrie looking down at the cupcake. She looks at it with a flabbergasted expression on her face. The episode then fades to black
DEBBIE D. vs. VALCano
We cut to a live promo set, with Cort and Jehst standing in front of a Turmoil banner accompanied by Jim Black.
Jim: Evening fans, tonight I'm standing with one of the more popular tag teams in OCW today, Hollywood USA, who are back for action tonight after quite some time out of the division. It's fair to say you're looking to re-establish yourselves, gentlemen?
He leans the mic to Cort.
Cort: Revenge… it’s a funny thing. It drives a man to the DEPTHS of depravity… to the edges of the human limit and beyond. It turns friend into enemy, and takes blood from a stone.
Cort is speaking in an overly dramatic tone, to which Jehst reacts quizzically. Cort pauses and clears his throat.
Cort: But I’m not talkin’ ‘bout none of that psycho sh*t tonight! Tonight it’s as wholesome as can be, some back-to-basics swear-it-was-1982 revenge, baby. KD took my Pride title before I even had a chance to remember what it looked like! Tonight I got two jobs--make sure everybody knows Hollywood USA isn’t getting drowned in the deluge of tag teams streaaaamin’ into this company, and getting one over on KD’Angelo.
Jim: What about Shepard?
Cort: Don’t even get me started on him! We could be here all week listing all the things he did to me. To summarize, he broke my leg and made fun of me with a Billy Joel song. And nobody does that. Nobody sullies the good name of Billy Joel and gets away with it. Sooner or later, hopefully tonight, I’mma kick HIS ass too. Get it?
Jim: Got it.
Jehst: And I ain't got no real beef with these boys, Jim - but if you play a funeral video for my friend and try to embarrass him on national television, YA DAMN RIGHT I'M COMIN' FOR YA!
*DOUBLE BICEP POSE*
Jehst: And KD, we've never shared a ring, but I've been waiting to put that man to the test! I see him and see competition! He's the current Pride Champion, but I've fought people from all over the company - champions, rookies, vets, legends - I'm ready for this challenge! And with Cort Marshall watching my back, ya better believe Hollywood USA is coming out on top, and making our way to the peak of tag team wrestling in OCW!
Cort and Jehst point at the camera in stereo then pump their fists, exiting the scene with excitement.
Jim: You heard it here first! Tag team action heating up here on Turmoil.
HOLLYWOOD U.S.A vs.
K'DANGELO* & SHEPARD
The following segment has been pre-recorded.
CCW Champion, B17 sits in a bush outside of a large Beverley Hills style mansion. He reaches into his pocket and pulls a camouflage paint stick out, before proceeding to cover his face. Slung across his back is a shoulder holstered and presumably fake grenade launcher.
In a fluid motion that reveals he’s wearing a red tank top, army boots and Camo pants he rises, drawing the grenade launcher in a swift movement. His thumb clicks the safety off and he gazes down the iron sight. The champion is visibly torn and eventually lowers the ballistics device.
B17: No. That’s not how the last action hero does things…
He tossed the deadly weapon aside, contemplating how to get inside what may very well be the set of the hit action movie, The Commando, starring big Arn.
He walks off screen momentarily, before returning with a rocket launcher.
B17: This is how the last action hero does things!
Bingo pulls the trigger and the obviously cheaply made set in front of him explodes, launching the door, most of the wall, some flimsy furniture and other debris flying.
A short walk and a triumphant shout acknowledges his entry into the former mansion.
From within the mansion an almost familiar voice calls out through the numerous emergency alarms: What in the actual fuck?! He shot that at the house!
B17: I'm back!
The crowd of men who had rushed into the room all looked confused.
Henchmen #6: When were you here?
Henchmen #3: Yeah I don't recall you ever leaving…
And with that he rushed into the crowd with a mighty double Bingo Punch that flattened two men. More, and more goons begin to pour out of numerous unseen rooms, falling man after man to Bingo Punches. B17 keeps thinking of amazing one liners, but doesn’t deliver as he, instead, just starts giggling frantically with every punch he delivers.
Eventually, and many, amny goons later, he comes to a huge room with a golden door.
B17: Well now, this is modest!
B17 pushes the doors open, revealing a huge command chamber. In front of him lies a large leather chair, facing away. Slowly but surely it spins, revealing a man stroking a creature. Unfortunately for B17 it’s not his beloved pet dog, instead it is a cat, with his wig. The man is torn, he looks towards the evil mastermind… Wait.
B17: Wait a damn minute here, you’re not Archer. You’re not even a good body double!
It’s true, the skinny bald man with a moustache is quite clearly a cheap knock off of someone familiar.
Maybe Caine: Huh?
B17: Solomon Caine?
Not Caine: Who?
B17: Enough talk! Is that The Wig!?
Not Caine looks at the wig.
Not Caine: He told me he had no use for it anymore. That after all of these years the life and energy was sucked out of it.
B17: He did what!?
Bingo pounced and held up his fist to threaten the crappy body double.
B17: What did he use it for? What madness has he unleashed into this world? What has he done? Answer me!
Not Caine cowers.
Not Caine: I don’t know! Please! Don’t hurt me! It was something to do with making Maxx Edwards a box office draw!
B17: Those monsters! Give me that wig!
Without waiting for a response he grabs the wig, causing the cat to go flying across the room with a yelp. Bingo enters slow motion mode and manages to Bingo Punch the devil creature in mid air, retrieving the remains of the wig.
Bingo coddles it.
B17: Shh shh shh. You're safe now.
Glaring at not Caine, Bingo delivers the coup de grace: Tell your boss I'm coming for him, and hell's coming with me!
Not Caine responds, simply by groaning in pain. As B17 leaves the wreckage behind him, the cat can be seen starting to gnaw on it’s former owner's head.