| |
|
The scene opens to the backstage area. Our Villain and Dear Leader is seen doing his prematch yoga, with his lovely and talented girlfriend/title rack, Minami not too far off hand draped in her husbando's gold.
Jim Black shuffles into the frame, though his presence does not disturb the Super Junior Triple Crown's tranquil demeanor. Without so much as looking up or opening his eyes, the ever vigilant villain senses the dark disturbance clouding his aura, and speaks.
Matsuda: What do you want, Jim?
Jim seems shocked, and quickly responds.
Jim: Oh… uh… Matsuda. Just wanted a few words before your match against Buffness tonight?
Matsuda: Who? You mean Sean McGee? Let me tell you something, Black.
Jim: Do tell, Yellow.
Matsuda: Sean McGee has been here for what? Two years now?
Jim: Yeah… sounds about right…
Matsuda: And I must have faced him one on one about a dozen times now. And guess what? I've won every time.
Matsuda takes a deep breath and readjusts himself into a downward dog stretch.
Matsuda: No amount of steroid and cocaine laced protein shake can change that. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to do my Sirsa Padasana.
Jim black flees the scene as it fades.
 |
Cocaine... |
 |
...IS A HELL OF A DRUG SCAGGS |
|
I completely agree |
Austin Lee vs Sherwood Jameson
Live via satellite from his Chicago home we are joined by Jacob Trance who prompts an overwhelming chorus of boo's by those that chose to grace OCW with their presence in San Diego, California. For some, unknown reason, his right eye seems to have been blackened, and a cut is visible on his temple.
Jacob Trance: "Good evening California..."
Jacob Trance: "As you can see I'm still suffering from Tobin's unprovoked and heinous assault on me from last weeks RIOT. I've spent all week not sleeping, trying to think why he would do that, I thought he was my friend... And I realised that he's probably jealous of how well respected I am in the backstage area, after all, his greatest friend Nate has retired, no one that has any sort of faith in him is still around."
Jacob sighs as the fans sit in stunned silence, unable to fathom how this man is so deluded.
Jacob Trance: "This unfortunately is the case when someone makes unwarranted claims to something they don't deserve. Like I previously mentioned I've been struggling to come to terms with Tobin's vicious assault, I'm having difficulty in getting over it... But I know what he's wanting, he's wanting another shot at my North American Championship, that's right, my belt that I won despite Tobin's cheap, dirty, hook or by crook actions."
The crowd begin a T-Plex chant, provoking a smile from Jacob.
Jacob Trance: "That's right, he does have a T-Plex, a truth complex. He keeps lying to himself about how I'm the bad guy, I didn't do anything wrong, I'm the one that's banged up. Though somehow I'm the coward for standing my ground and doing everything right and just... And now, although I don't need to offer you a rematch Tobin... I can give you my answer... Earn it."
Jacob Trance: "Prove to me at the Clash, if of course you're man enough to accept, and don't blind side me again between then and now, and management permitting... If you can beat me, you can earn a rematch because I'm sure you know how it is... That is of course if Mister Ortiz is mentoring you properly... That in order to automatically qualify for a re-match clause you have to defend your belt at least once."
Jacob pauses and reaches up to brush at the cut on his eye.
Jacob Trance: "Now if you'll excuse me, the doctor states I need to rest up..."
The screen turns off and we cut to the announcing team, utterly flabbergasted at what just transpired.
Hardcore Championship Triple Threat
Bedlam vs Bobby Minio vs POWERNATION
If there's a crappy hole in the wall bar within a 3 block radius of the arena, that's where Betty Ford resides. Betty Ford is the OCW Bombshell Champion Anna Mosity and her bestfriend, fellow Bombshell, Eerie Sunshine.
The raunchy duo sit among the ruins grabbing bottles from behind the counter after a early evening bar fight. Everyone seems to be unconscious or stumbling to their feet. Betty Ford have various scuffs and bruises on their faces and hands. There's what looks like a mix of vomit and blood smeared on the Bombshell Championship.
Eerie: Can you'z believe that ho Lindsay is trying to f*** me. She somehow managed to get me sponsor'd by that Jewboy with da contacts.
Anna: I thought you had a thing for rich meat...
Eerie: I does, but I do my own hoing, I don't need no bitch pimping me out.
Anna: She still has sand in her vag from me winning dis.
She taps a bottle of Ciroc on the Bombshell Championship.
Anna: She can't can't (hiccup) can't touch me, so like the slimey skank she is, she went for you.
Eerie: Dat's okay, I'm show dem hoes how Betty Ford do...
Anna: You ain't no Betty Ford, dis right here say I'm dat #1 bitch Betty Ford.
She taps the title again, Eerie grabs the bottle from her hand. She snatches it back, Eerie then snatches the Bombshell title. The two fight back and forth as the camera fades to commercial.
This segment could be pre-recorded, it could be happening right now, it could be happening on a 7 second delay. We also could still be in Sacramento 15 minutes after last week's Riot, or we could be right here in San Diego for the 367th episode of Riot.
It doesn't matter really all we see is pitch black darkness. Maybe it's the boiler room where Bedlam fondles albino midgets. Or maybe we're deep inside the closet where Paul Pugh hides his questionable manhood.
A single light pops on in the center of a room. It might be a locker room, it might be the basement where neck beards cut podcasts, I might be everywhere but nowhere. One thing is certain, that's Mugen, the Lord of The Lariat, the Young Knockout Kid, sitting tied and gagged to a wooden chair under the dim light.
We hear the whisper of women's voices in the background, followed by the unmistakable laugh of the Mustard King of Betterness himself Tiberius Dupree. On the left of Mugen is a work bench, it's dust freshly parted by a landing doctors bag.
The Menace from Nesquehoning, Mr. Future Investment, Dimsmore slides into the light just as Tibby makes his way to his side. Off in the distance we can see two finely shaped females, obviously Lacey Love and Madeline Osiris.
Madeline: Don't you think they're being a little overly dramatic?
Tibby and Dims just stand there staring at Mugen, who is only half coherent. Tibby isn't smiling, but Dimsmore is, a sick, disturbingly sinister smile.
Lacey Love: This is how my Dimmy poo likes to have fun.
She smacks her gum, Maddy shakes her head as the camera pans back to Tibby and Dims. Dims opens the doctor's bag with white knuckles, while Tibby stretches latex gloves over his hands.
Dupree: Mugen, Mugen, Mugen, how did we get here, huh?
He pats Mugen's face with his latex fingers, while Dimsmore removes a folded towel from the bag and aligns it perfectly with the table.
Dupree: I'll tell you how we got here, you were born, born to deface and defile everything beautiful in the world.
Tibby twists the curl hanging from his illustrious new hairdo. Dimsmore pulls out the tiniest pair of scissors you've ever seen and places them on the towel.
Dupree: First you came out your mother's wretched womb somewhere in ChinaTown Japan. Then a few months back you were reborn hatching from Pugh's battered sh*terus to inflict even more misery on OCW and the world.
Dimsmore: I hope we remembered to pack it.
Dims removes a slightly larger pair of scissors and places on the towel next to the other. Tibby circles around Mugen.
Dupree: See deep down I'm a nice guy Mugen, I always try to do what's right. You on the other hand, you and Pugh are not nice people. Matter of fact C4 are the most disgusting examples of human beings I have ever encountered in my glorious life.
Dimsmore: Is it in here??
Dims pulls out what looks to be huge hedge cutters, that couldn't have possibly fit in the small doctor's bag. He places them neatly on the table next to his other utensils. Tibby continues to circle, mushing Mugen's head from time to time.
Dupree: Granted we could have simply jumped you in the parking lot and shaved your lopsided head, right then n' there. Your probably wondering why go through all this trouble just to cut your hair. It's not about that, it's about sending you and Pugh a message.
Dimsmore: Wait I think I see it.
Dims reaches in the bag, his arm disappearing nearly fully into the bag for him to pull out a pristine butter knife. He places OCD style next to the hedge-cutters. We hear the girls give quick commentary.
Madeline: What in the world does he plan to do with a butter knife?
Lacey Love: Just watch honey, he never disappoints.
Maddy just rolls her eyes.
Madeline: I think I need a coffee, want one?
Lacey shakes her head no, as Dimsmore pulls out a welder's mask. Maddy fades into the darkness, Tibby eyes her as she goes.
Dimsmore: AH HA!!!
Tibby grabs a chair from the abyss and turns it backwards and sits towards Mugen.
Dupree: And now it's time to watch my colleague here go to work.
He cracks his classic half smile, just as Dims pulls out Grille Lighter, flicks it on a few times and places it next to the welder's mask.
Dimsmore:THAAAAA FIIIIIIIIYAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
The camera fades with those last words.
|
|
 
 
|
|
|
