With her opponent now gone, Kat stood to the sound of applause from the audience. She was in poor condition after the attack last week, and still put on a hard fought battle. Those cheers quickly turned to jeers as Madison and Alex appeared on stage, both with mics in hand. Madison turns to Alex rests a hand on her hip.
Madison: Are you sure that Kat is regarded as one of the most dominant Bombshells in history? Again...I'm not seeing it.
Alex: Perhaps I was too kind in my description of her career.
Both started to giggle loudly. Madison wiped away a fake tear as she returned her direction to Kat.
Madison: You know, I almost feel bad for you. Almost. I mean you're lucky I don't come down there right now and end you myself, but my wrist hurts.
Madison rubs her own wrist for a moment.
Madison: Keeping the Television Champion relaxed is a full time job.
Madison looked to Alex as the crowd started chanting crude remarks at her, not safe for work.
Alex: Perverts and degenerates, all of them.
Madison: Exactly. I massage his shoulders and temples, jerks! Gutter minds! Anyway…
Alex starts to speak: Putting you through that table two weeks ago was amazing. Fascinating stuff! So fun that we want to do it...one...more...time.
Alex: Summercide, we want to put you through a table. But we’re kind women.
Madison: Generous women.
Alex: Much like our charitable works, donating time to soup kitchens, we will extend to you that very same charitable behavior.
Madison: We'll even let you try to find a partner. Though I can't imagine anyone stupid enough to team with you.
Madison: This tables match just might be the last match you ever have. A historic night for Turmoil's Queen. I will walk away with not only one but both of Turmoil's Championships...
The crowd started to boo at the woman's insatiable greed.
Madison: But i will walk away knowing that I ended your career. A tables match against us is something that you alone, or with a partner, just can't win. Besides, who handles wood better than Alex and I?
The crowd starts chanting crude remarks once more.
Madison looks to Alex and sighs before yelling at the crowd. Kat finally asks for a mic while pointing her bat toward the stage.
Kat: Tables match? Summercide? You gonna regret this!
Alex whispers into Madison's ear before the pair exit behind the curtain.
The camera pans to the announce team.
Those 2 will live RUE THE DAY!
Rue, Deez, no one likes Kat. She won't have a partner!
We return backstage as Baker, Flynn and Matt continue to wait for Mugen. Baker who has the attention span of that of a child has his headphones on as he is jamming away to his music. Matt and Flynn both have matches they need to get ready for.
Matt Sheldon: "I really hope he hurries this up. I got a match coming up very soon."
Flynn: "You and me both."
Anthony Baker: "Oh gosh, I really got to use the potty."
Matt Sheldon: "How old are you?"
Anthony Baker: "Shut up you pedophile."
Matt looks at Flynn.
Matt Sheldon: "If you really are his dad then I can understand why you do the coke."
Anthony Baker: "I'M IN LOVE WITH THE COCO, I'M IN LOVE WITH COCO!"
Flynn nods at Matt: "Yep."
Anthony Baker: "I GOT IT FOR THE LOW, LOW!"
Matt Sheldon: "I can't take anymore of this..."
Anthony Baker: "IF YOU SNITCHIN I GO LOCO!"
Voice: "EXCUSE ME?"
Mugen has arrived as he is standing in front of Baker, Flynn and Matt with his arms crossed. Baker is miles away. He continues to sing. Flynn pull out his earphones but that doesn't stop him.
Anthony Baker: "BAKING SODA, I GOT BAKING SODA!"
Anthony Baker: "BAKING SODA I GOT..."
Mugen: "Stop.......now.....before I rip your face off your face."
Baker stops and looks up at Mugen.
Anthony Baker: "Sorry dad."
Mugen: "That's right."
Matt Sheldon: "How many dads you got?"
Flynn: "He calls everyone that."
Mugen: "Shut up DUMMIES! Now get into my office! All three of you!"
Flynn, Baker and Matt all walk into the office. Mugen makes his way to the table as he picks up his phone. He sounds like he is talking to his assistant.
Mugen: "Tell them, that they can come on up now."
Mugen: "Do you know why you are here?"
Anthony Baker: "ERRRR DAD? I really got to use the little boys room."
Mugen: "Well aint that a shame."
Mugen goes to open the door as two people who all look like cleaners come walking in. They're pissed off.
Mugen: "So someone here thought it be FUNNY TO TAKE A S*** IN THE URINAL!"
Matt Sheldon falls to the floor crying.
Anthony Baker: "Oh no Dad."
Mugen: "OH YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY MATT?! HOW ABOUT WE HAVE ONE OF THESE TWO MEN TAKE A S*** ON YOUR VANILLA WHITE FACE"
One of the cleaners starts to talk.
Cleaner 1: "We try to clean S*** from urinal but it was too big. Then S*** went everywhere, there S*** on toilet seat. S*** all over windows. S*** all over sink and S*** all over the floor!"
Cleaner 2: "We can't do this job anymore."
Both cleaners:: "WE QUIT!"
The cleaners storm out of the office. Tears pour down Matt's face. He is dying of laughter. Flynn goes bright red and is just silent.
Anthony Baker: "I really, really got to use the little boys room DAD."
Mugen: "The boys room is out of order because one of you thought it be funny to GO S*** in the urinal."
Anthony Baker: "No!!! What am I supposed to do?"
Matt Sheldon just can't stop laughing. Flynn feels humiliated but he looks at Mugen.
Flynn: "It was me."
Mugen: "IT WAS???"
Flynn: "Yes, but you see. Matt Sheldon gave Baker this cake and I don't know but he must have drugged it because we both needed to S*** really bad after it. There is only one stall, one stall and Baker was in it and I just couldn't wait. So yes I did the dookie in the urinal."
Mugen: "One of you needs to clean it up because I am not paying for another cleaner. One of you better decide who is going to clean it."
Matt Sheldon: "I think it should be Flynn. He said it was him that S*** in the urinal."
Flynn: "No way man, you caused this so it should be you."
Matt Sheldon: "It's your S***!"
Flynn: "You caused me to S*** in the first place."
Anthony Baker: "WILL YOU DINGLE BERRIES SHUT UP!!!"
Matt and Flynn stop as they look at Baker.
Anthony Baker: "My dad has to fight Dennis black tonight. If my dad loses then he has to clean the bathroom..."
Mugen: "But...?"
Anthony Baker: "If my dad wins then this pedophile has to clean up the S***!"
Matt Sheldon: "What? No way. I tell you what though. If I win my match which I will because Kass isn't on my level. Then Flynn needs to clean up his ****. That's all I am saying because no way will I lose."
Mugen: "Looks like the kid has a point. Your match is next so you better get out there."
Matt Sheldon: "I will, see you chums in a bit."
Matt Sheldon makes his leave.
Anthony baker: "I really hope he hurries up because I got to pee really bad."
The camera pans to the announce team.
I feel dumber having watched this.
I just have to ****.
Kassidy Hayes vs Matt Sheldon
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The camera pans to the announce team.
Right on the button!
He's gonna need Advil cold and sinuses!
The scene opens in the make-shift Crew quarters in the canteen of the arena, the camera zooms into the custom fort that seems to mysteriously pop up in every arena around the country, inside Crossbones and connie can both be seen sat on the floor, lacing up their boots as Bones is preparing to to to battle to defend his Hardcore title later tonight.
Connie: You know, I've never noticed that before.
He turns his head towards her.
Crossbones: Noticed what?.
She points at his right hand.
Connie: Your thumb, you have no nail on your right thumb..that looks weird, kind of like a shriveled walnut, how did that happen?
Crossbones : Oh this ole thing *he waves his thumb around* I thought I'd told ye about this before?.
Connie: Nope
Crossbones: Must have been one of the old wenches I had on board, ye are all kind of a blur to me, breasts and teeth.
Connie: I am neither a wench nor old!!
Crossbones: No need to be so touchy me dear, settle back and i'll tell ye the story of the 'DoLittle thumb'.
Connie: The 'DoLittle thumb'?
Crossbones: Aye, because it let's me communicate with the animals.
Connie rolls her eyes.
Connie: Jesus,,this should be good..please...go on.....
Crossbones: T'was almost a disaster, I almost lost me thumb.
This thumb be letting me control the animals, like the wizard Dr.Doolittle ,One of the first things I learned when I became a pirate, a rugged old git called Cannonball Jones revealed his secret to me......
Crossbones looks down at the ground, removes his mask, his hair draping down, covering his face, his voice a low town, tinged with sadness, he clasps the mask tightly in both hands, he looks deep into the eyes of the mask and begins to reminisce.
Crossbones: Japanese merchants slammed two cannonballs into our side, Chief.....
48 men went into the water
Vessel went down in twelve minutes. Didn't see the first shark for about a half an hour. Tiger. Thirteen footer.
Very first light, chief. The sharks come cruisin'. So we formed ourselves into tight groups.
The idea was, the shark goes to the nearest man and then he'd start poundin' and hollerin' and screamin' and sometimes the shark would go away. Sometimes he wouldn't go away.
He rubs his index finger over the long scar running down the right side of his face.
Sometimes that shark, he looks right into you. Right into your eyes.
You know the thing about a shark, he's got... lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eye. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be livin'. Until he bites ya and those black eyes roll over white. And then, ah then you hear that terrible high pitch screamin' and the ocean turns red and spite of all the poundin' and the hollerin' they all come in and rip you to pieces.
Y'know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men! I don't know how many sharks, maybe a thousand!
He looks down angrily at the floor.
Connie: A 100? You said 48 went into the water?
Crossbones: I know I said 48 men went into the water, it's for dramatic effect!! Who be tellin' this story, me or thee!!!
Connie: Isn't this from Jaws?
Crossbones: Jaws? Me cross-eyed ex wife?
Connie: Jaws the movie.
Crossbones: Don't own a tv, never seen it.
Connie: You have a cross-eyed ex wife?
Crossbones: Aye, one eye on the beans, one eye on the toast...anyway, back to me story.
He again looks at the mask.
Crossbones: I don't know how many men, they averaged six an hour. On Thursday mornin' chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Hookhand Robinson, from Cleveland.
I thought he was asleep, reached over to wake him up. Bobbed up and down in the water, just like a kinda top. Up ended.
Well... he'd been bitten in half below the waist.
Noon the fifth day, a Lockheed Ventura saw us, he swung in low and he saw us. And three hours later a big fat PBY comes down and start to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened?
Waitin' for my turn.
And in tha time, frightened as I was, the sharks kept circlin' and ole Cannonball screamed at me, 'THE THUMB, THE THUMB!'
He screamed over, and over, and over, he screamed so loud I thought me ear drums were gonna burst.
Then it happened, just as the plane was comin' down fer me, a dorsil fin appeared, heading fast for my position, 15 footer atleast...I'd given up, I had not the energy to fight no more, just as old white got me in her gaze, Cannonball leapt off the rickety raft behing me, and grabbed the shark's fin with his left hand, he raised his right arm high into the air, fist balled, and screamed 'DOOLITTLE'!!
I looked on in bewilderment as he straightened his thumb from his fist, and swiftfully and powerfully thrust it into the water, and forcefully inserted his thumb straight into the sharks anus.
He shakes his head and runs his hand through his hair.
Crossbones: I know that sounds insane and impossible, but I swear to all the gods, the shark went instantly to sleep, floating lifeless in the water!!
Cannonball had saved me life , and I be ever indebted to him.
Ever since then, when I have been attacked by a wild animal, I pin it down, and BANG! The 'Doolittle thumb' straight up 'em..and make me escape.
Crossbones: Ye ask me how I lost me thumb nail...
He places his mask back on , tucks his hair back in and then points his thumb in her direction.
Crossbones: A bear attacked us one night when we made port, cut 3 of me men down, I jumped on the beasts back, and rode it like a bucking bronco, I had a steely grip on the scruff of it's neck, as it writhed and clawed at me, our howls echoing through the night, I slipped down me right hand and BAM!! DoLittle thumb right inside the beast!!
Crossbones: But instead of going to sleep, the beast stumbled onto the camp fire as he fell unconscious, he clenched, a grip like an iron vice, tighter than Dennis' grip on a pocket, and he bucked as he crashed to the ground, threw me back into the dirt, ripping me nail clean off me digit as it exited his anus.
Connie: That's equally disgusting and horrific.
Crossbones: Aye, I've seen some sh*t.
Connie: What happened?
Crossbones: We gathered up our wounded, buried the dead before the bear woke up and we scarpered, and I vowed that if I ever saw that bear again, I'd get me nail back!
Just then the cameraman nudges the door, and it catches the attention of Crossbones, and also startles him slightly.
Crossbones: The bear! Quick, DOOLITTLE THUMB !!
He raises his arm into the air, thumb extend, and starts to run towards the door, as the cameraman flees in horror at the prospect of what would befall him if caught.
With a big sigh and a shrug of her shoulders, Connie get's to her feet and starts to go after Crossbones, hopefully preventing another lawsuit, mumbling to herself as she goes.
Connie: And the legend continues.....
The camera pans to the announce team.
AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
The Xtron Flickers On!
The camera pans to the announce team.
If you aren't hyped now you have no soul!
Oh this is gonna be TIGHT!!!
Crossbones vs Ed Reed
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The camera pans to the announce team.
His teeth are in the second row!
GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY, THAT WAS A GUNSHOT!
Who doesn't like control? Who doesn't like having power over another individual? If you don't then you're definitely NOT Tiberius Octavian Dupree, not that you could be if you freaking tried. (Just Sayin')
Dupree has had various managers and associates over the years, Chuck The Camera Man, Madeline Osiris, Odessa Ebony and the ever popular Roofus Ruckusington The THOID. Yet none of them are quite like Deuce.
Over the last week Tibby has grown quite fond of the oaf. His obedience is unparalleled in comparison to the others. He's no coward like Chuck The Camera Man, nor is he as educated as Odessa.
Yet he has the testicular fortitude of Madeline and the charm of Roofus the THOID, he's exactly what he needs in his war against Dimsmore.
Dupree and Deuce are in a empty gymnasium with various sporting equipment littered about including a weight bench, medicine balls, climbing rope and a large device similar to the automatic tennis ball launcher, but for dodge balls. Both Dupree and Deuce are wearing jumpsuits, Tibby's is golden of course, Deuce's is silver.
Dupree: We need to whip you in shape for the coming war.
Deuce: I thought we were already at war Mister.
Dupree: The Betterness is always at war with mediocrity my friend, now step behind the line. We're going to test your reflexes.
Dupree: I'd put you in a handicap match, but you are a different kind of special needs.
Deuce steps behind the red tape on the floor, Dupree readies the dodgeball launcher. Dupree signals and the first dodgeball launches hitting Deuce square in the gut, hard. Not even a second later another launches hitting him in his side.
About 5 balls launch before he finally able to dodge one, once he does Dupree turns up the speed. Deuce is repeatedly getting pegged to the point where he's rolling on the floor. Instead of reducing the speed, Tibby increases it even more.
Deuce: ARGHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAGGGGGGGH!!!
Number 2 from the floor punches one of the dodgeballs coming for his face. He gets to one knee and punches another with his left. Screaming at the top of his lungs he begins to punch, kick, elbow, knee or headbutt every ball coming his way.
The final dodgeball shoots from the launcher and Deuce sticks his belly out taking the shot dead on. It rebounds towards Tibby's head, he immediately ducks. Dupree rises back up with a sinister half smile on his face.
Dupree: Savage!
The camera fades with a montage of Deuce doing various training regiments under Dupree's guidance, completing them all in his own unorthodox way.
The camera pans to the announce team.
If you can dodge a ball, you can understand Lacy's poor use of the english lang...lang...oh god dammit.
