As OCW Riot rumbles on we come to the high brow, high concept part of the show. The part where I break the forth wall again - the wall between your sensibilities and the wrestling nonsense we do.

The year is 2017, the venue is Madison Square Garden - a locker room to be exact, where the shiny OCW Lightheavyweight title rests on the shinier Paul Pugh's shiny waist. A monologue? You're god damn right...

Pugh: Never turn your back. Its simple advice. Works everywhere. On the street... in the jail... especially in the ring brother.

Pugh: When you turn your back, you offer your weakest part to your adversary... You can't see - your sense are dulled... you get your tights grabbed by a superior and suddenly you're looking at the lights when you should've been basking in the glory brother.

He takes a drink from a small whiskey glass - no ice, he's not a god dam' amateur.

Pugh: You know what brother? You proved that you can hang - but you also proved that you're green as goose poop... Now son - because I'm a good brother, I offered you an option - an option that these people will be glad to hear you took.

Pugh: A free rematch - a freematch. Another shot at glory - a chance at redemption hoot! I for one can't wait... but you... you've got work to do tonight.

Pugh: See, when we get into that ring with those flippy kicky yahoos - you've gotta show me something... prove to me... prove to these marks that you can hang with me... hell go out there and upstage me!

Pugh: I got faith in you kid... do me proud.

The insincerity in Pugh's voice is evident as he grins for the camera, taking another sip of his precious nectar. Why is he drinking when he's wrestling later?

Can an OCW wrestler be drunk? Is this just another RP to disguise ANOTHER no show from Pugh? Zoom forward a little and take a peek at the match - I actually have no idea.

If he's too drunk to wrestle though, we should strip him of that title. Dude is a goddamn animal. Give that shit to Kass or Spider. The scene fades.

The camera pans to the announce team.

	My wall brother!
	What?

We return to the Oasis Day Spa where the attendees begin to prep The Betterness and Madison Cox for the next portion of their sessions. The attendee hands Madison the menu card for her to choose the wrap of her choice.

Madison: I will take the Oasis Purity wrap. It's perfect. “Stimulating, detoxifying seaweeds and kelps are infused with peppermint essential oil to purify, tone and hydrate the skin.

Madison: Good for all skin types including acne-prone, sensitive, and green mist tainted skin.” The purest of wraps for the purest one of OCW.

Dupree: Pure as a dusty dirt button, gimme that.

He snatches the card from Madison’s manicured fingers.

Dupree: This is my session you’re invading, I should be picking first. Let me get the Elemis Nector Body Nourishing Wrap. I would like the omnipotent scent of Canadian Maple instead of the sweet of orchid, please, thank you and hurry up !

The attendees both nod in unison then immediately prepare Dupree and Madison for their wraps.

Madison: Canadian Maple? Gross… But not surprising. That must be why your stench is reminiscent of a urine soaked old folks home.

Dupree: I’m surprised you detached yourself from the virgin long enough to pretty up that hideous face of yours. Yet things will definitely get ugly between me and your enoch Dennis if you don’t extradite yourself from my presence immediately…

Madison: Sorry to break it to you, but me on my worst day is still better looking than you on your best day. And wouldn't you know it, you're looking quite sickly these days, Dupree… must be the telltale symptoms of Kneemonia. Hmm.

Dupree: With that crap on your face? Matsuda marked you like a stray marks a dead bush, pun intended. Nor am I worried about any knee or any other botchy maneuver Dennis is known for affecting my Betterness.

Attendee: Mr. Dupree, sir, please lay still for the treatment so we can wrap appropriately.

Madison: Gross. Are you finished talking yet, Typherius? Siberian? Whatever your first name is. I won't have you continue to pollute my air with your breath during my session. My eardrums are far too superior for your words to drum upon them any longer.

Tibby just sighs like a parent who just found out their child wet the bed, again. The camera fades with another well placed “To Be Continued”.

The camera pans to the announce team.

	2 Peas in a conceited pod!
	HOW DARE YOU SIR!

The Camera Pans To The Blek

Kassidy: Dennis, can you believe the disrespect I get around here? Molly squirting me with a super soaker, Buddy getting a fluke win over me cuz he was just too damn fast, and Mugen has been avoiding me for weeks.

Dennis: Madison always said that Molly looked like a squirter. Never understood until she used a super soaker on you.

Kassidy: I don’t think that is at all what she meant B, When a girl is a squirter its........, never mind.

Dennis: Kass, you are the Top of the Light Heavyweight division. Last week was a fluke, and that too urban little rapper got what he deserved after the match.

Dennis: I mean really, who likes rap? Rap is crap! We should totally make a song titled ‘Rap is Crap’ and sell it on Hausofhoot.com.

Kassidy: I know man, and I should have been the first champion. After pugh was given my opportunity, I knew I had to leave the Purge and fend for myself. I won’t get my rightful spot at the top until I am rid of Mugen and his weird mind control.

Dennis: Truthfully, once you’re rid of Mugen, there really isn’t anyone in your way. Take a look at the number one contender, No2.
Kassidy blinks at Dennis: Don’t you mean H2-

Dennis shakes his head: Nope. No2. Spews nothing but gas, and he smells. Also, ‘No’ just sounds better. Anyway...Madison thought it was clever.

Kassidy: Next week, I’ll make a example out of No2, I have always been the uncrowned Light Heavyweight champion. I’ll do what pugh could not and make it look easy, just like you make beating Peee Ew.

Kass smirks at Dennis,

Kassidy: We are both the uncrowned Light Heavyweight Champion.

Dennis: Agreed! Now then, what happened with Burns can’t ever happen again. You’re much better than that. I can only assume this is Alexa’s fault.

Kassidy: Well, she was complaining about Sophia all week so, yea, it was her fault for distracting me. Always talking, then she's also working against me talking to Molly. Like I don’t have enough to deal with,

Kassidy: Got a psycho trying to control what I do with Compliance makeup, Pugh holding my belt, I whipped his good brother out of sight, Baker trying to be my best friend, No2 stealing my spotlight, Crossbones announced his return and lurking in the shadows like a dirty pirate waiting to steal my spot next, and and and Jookie ran off before I can exact revenge.

Dennis nods intently.

Dennis: Exactly! This company is afraid of letting the greatest lightweights this company has ever seen ascending to the top of the lightweight division. We’re like a modern day Matsuda and Spider, only we’re both winners!

Dennis raises his hand for a high five!

Kassidy extends a hand out and high fives Dennis.

The camera pans to the announce team.

	Never have I ever seen 2 more unlikeable people!
	You are literally the worst.

After her match with the Bombshell Killer Big Bertha Stigglitz, Eerie Sunshine is in the parking lot smoking a much needed Marlboro to the filter. The weird wild woman that escaped from the same halfway house as Anna Mosity comes running up to here with a corked grin.

Eerie: Crazy Daisy?

The deranged Daisy does a moonwalk then points both her index fingers at Eerie.

Crazy Daisy: Happy Friday. I love having weekends off now. I haven't had weekends off in 11 years.

Eerie: It ain’t Friday love…

Daisy spins in a circle then reaches in her single sock and pulls out a folded piece of paper then hands it to Eerie. She begins to Butterfly while Eerie unfolds the paper and her eyes widen.

Eerie: An OCW Contract, where the f**k did you get this?

Crazy Daisy: Are you eating my f**ckin’ pepperoni!

Eerie: I must be crazy trying to talk to a crazy person. I think Berfa knocked me around more than I thought.

Daisy dabs.

Crazy Daisy: CRIME IS TOO DAMN HIGH !!!

Eerie: You must be too damn high, here take this back...

Eerie hands Daisy back her OCW Contract signed in orange crayola. Daisy grabs it with her teeth and starts growling. Eerie shakes her head then flicks her Marlboro.

Daisy takes of chasing it like a dog fetching a ball. We fade with Eerie getting a text from Anna.

“Imma get dat bitch Madison watch ho.”

The camera pans to the announce team.

	Mugens just handing out contracts isn't he!
	Consider it mental health help! Income for edible crayons, Mugens a god dam saint if you ask me!

H20 & Pugh vs TKF

The camera pans to the announce team.

	They did it!
	Wow!

Stacy Clark is in the ring.

Stacy Clark: ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my guest at this time...making his Riot Debut!!!!

there is a long almost awkward pause after she finishes speaking and suddenly... the Diamond's music begins to play and starts to make his way to the ring alone.

he receives a decent reaction from the audience. an audible "Sham!" chant can be heard as the Diamond takes even longer than usual to make his way down to the ring.

taking time to give ringside fans high fives and even at least one autograph. the Diamond makes his way into the ring. he motions to a stagehand to toss him up a microphone and he catches it.

Stacy Clark: Mr. Diamond, welcome to Riot-

the Diamond: That's right. do not adjust your screens. what you are seeing is not an error. in fact, this may be the first thing the OCW has gotten right my entire time here. The Diamond... is on... RRRRIIIIIIOT.

the crowd pops

Stacy Clark: we're excited to have you here, but i think question on everyone's mind is why are you here?

the Diamond: THAT is a great question, Ms. Clark... is that Ms. or Miss? you know what, never mind, we'll talk about that later. for far too long, I have been traversing the baron wasteland that is Turmoil.

the Diamond: Being kept alive by table scraps of hope and sheer willpower, I was in dire need of opportunity. alas... none were available... and thus, my soul-grape withered away bit by bit until there was nothing left at all... that day, i died... and even though, i was dead... my soul carried on!... for in that moment of darkness!

The Diamond: I found a light... and I followed that light ...that very light had turned my soul-grape into a SOUL-RAISIN! that light led me away from the valley of misery where i lived, made dark by the perverted practices being perpetrated-

Stacy Clark: -perverted practices?? what exactly was going on over there?

the Diamond: don't interrupt, sweetie. it's rather unattractive. i'm talking about... the SHAMS.

crowd chants SHAM! SHAM! SHAM! ...

the Diamond: week after week, sham after sham. enough is enough. Shams No MORE! i have finally broken through... I have followed the light all the way to its source and I have made it to the promised land. i have made it to ... SHAM-BHALA.

Diamond closes his eyes, faces upward and outstrectes his arms as the part of the live audience showers him with cheers

Stacy Clark waits a moment to let the Diamond soak in the adoration from the crowd.

Stacy Clark: but... aren't you still under contract with Turmoil? you'll eventually have to go back-

the Diamond opens his eyes and looks sharply towards Stacy. Stacy is startled... but also, kind of into it.

the Diamond: the only thing I HAVE to do is stay black and die.

Stacy Clark: but you're not... wait, are you?

the Diamond: SHAM! all you need to know is that the Diamond does need Turmoil. I'm going to shine regardless of where I am, what show I'm on, what day of the week... you get it, right?

the Diamond: like basically, any permutation possible ends with me shining. if this is what it takes for the melvins at turmoil to realise that, so be it because I'm fixing to shine super hard right now.

the Diamond: to further prove my point, at this time I would like to formally announce the FIRST EVER... "Diamond: excellence in achievement" wrestling open challenge right here on Riot... next week.

the Diamond tosses his microphone up in the air, his music starts to play, he closes his eyes once more. the crowds begins to cheer and the cuts to black.

The camera pans to the announce team.

	What a strange young man!
	I wonder who will answer the challenge?

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