The camera pans into the dining area of an Old Country Buffet the quiet bustle of people enjoying their meals is rudely interrupted by loud yelling
The camera focuses in on Trash Ortiz, dressed in the same raggedy version of Nate Ortiz’s jacket, bald cap, fake beard and wig
TRASH ORTIZ: Listen HERE! Do you know?! Do you know how many young rookies I buried back in my day?!
Hostess: I don’t know sir…
TRASH ORTIZ: SIX HUNDRED, NINE HUNDRED, AND SIXTY NINE; LIMP WRISTED, CHICKEN ****, NEVER SPENT A DAY IN THE MARITIMES, BURIED BENEATH MY BOOTS, ROOKIES!
Hostess: That’s, ummm…. Wonderful?
TRASH ORTIZ: DAMN RIGHT IT’S WONDERFUL, A WORLD WITHOUT ROOKIES
Trash Ortiz wipes a tear from his eye as he reflects on the GREAT service he’s done OCW
A hand reaches over and pats him on the shoulder, it belongs to Quartz Dupree, whose poorly kept wig is still falling apart
Quartz Dupree: They don’t appreciate what we’ve done, Ortiz. It’s sad, is what it is.
Quartz Dupree reaches down to adjust his old sweat pants. He lets out a grunt as he rubs his knee thoroughly.
Quartz: Gahhhh. The doctor told me this would happen. Kneesus Christ, I need more advil.
TRASH ORTIZ: Hey! Is that a rookie over there?!
Quartz Dupree, still vigorously rubbing his knee in the middle of the buffet line interjects.
Quartz Dupree: Uh, I don’t think so. They’re probably still out being WORSE THAN US.
Quartz Dupree leaps up on his off-leg and shouts again into the dining area.
Quartz Dupree: I LIVE IN CONSTANT FEAR OF CHANGE…
TRASH ORTIZ: HEY KID! I BURY ROOKIES! IN FACT, EVERYONE HERE SUCKS EXCEPT ME!
Hostess: Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to please stop shouting… and weren’t you wearing that in here yesterday?
TRASH ORTIZ: HEY. WATCH IT LADY.
Quartz Dupree: Yeah! We legends wear the same things because anything different or new SUCKS.
Trash Ortiz dramatically takes off his sunglasses to reveal another pair of sunglasses under those. He looks around the room.
TRASH ORTIZ: Where… is… SENSATION?! I’m THE TRASH ORTIZ. I don’t put up with this crap!
He quickly grabs his walker and very… very slowly… stammers towards the door to exit the dining area. Quartz Dupree looks back at his plate, which is nearly full and shouts down Ortiz.
Quartz Dupree: Wait! I haven’t finished my peas yet!
TRASH ORTIZ: I HAVE TO GO.
Quartz Dupree: What is the rush!? You can just walk in and you know they’ll hand you a title shot at anytime!
Dupree shakes his head, causing more hair clumps to fall out. He grabs his knee once more and shuffles out towards Ortiz, shouting one more time into the dining are as he exits the room.
Quartz Dupree: DON’T FORGET WHO RUNS THIS PLACE!
The camera pans to the announce team.
SO disrespectful.....
(Crying from laughter) THIS IS GREAT!!!
The Xtron Flickers On
The scene opens up showing the P3 Bonanza stage and the lovely ladies of Deal or No Deal on the stage standing next to 24 different suitcases marked appropriately from 1-24.
As the Limp Bizkit band starts playing, the lead Fred Durst look alike starts staring down the suitcases.
“Fred Durst”: 22.
The girl standing next to briefcase #22 smiles and waves to the crowd before she suddenly vanishes into a poof of smoke and all of a sudden we hear a loud yell coming from one side of the sound stage. A big Asian gentleman grabs briefcase #22 and stares down “Fred Durst”.
Big Asian Guy: DEALU OH NO DEALU
The band starts to play even more furiously than before as we see “Fred Durst” sweating over the decision.
“Fred Durst”: DEAL
The Big Asian guy takes briefcase #22 and starts to bend it with his bare hands.
Big Asian Guy: AIIIIUUUGGGHHHH
He lets out a loud yell before the suitcase completely explodes as does the Big Asian Guy and right where he was standing is our esteemed hosts, Drago and Mugen waving to a roaring crowd.
Together: LADIES AND GENTLEHOOTS
Mugen: WE
Drago: ARE
Together: P3!
The crowd roars and gives them a standing ovation. We suddenly find the audience stomping in the bleachers to the rhythm of We Will Rock You as Mugen and Drago clap along.
Mugen: Thank you so much for giving us all the love as we are the #1 Most Highly Rated Talk Show at the Time Slot of 3:32 - 4:07AM in Latvia, Cambodia and Papua, New Guinea.
Drago: We still only #2 in Djibouti.
Mugen: Who’s booty?
Drago: Djibouti. Booty. Blowfish with Hootie. Rootie Tootie. White Girl WHOOTY.
A Reggae Airhorn starts playing over the PA System that sounds like BEW BEW BEW BEWWWWWWWWW.
Mugen: OH MY GOOD GOODY GOSH. MC DRAGO SPITTIN THEM RHYMES.
The camera pans to Drago dressed like a typical early 90s breakdancer complete with a boombox over his shoulder. He tries to do some dance moves but winds up kicking the desk into pieces. He then stands up and does the Drago Shuffle around the couch.
Mugen: BEST IN THE WORLD. DRAGO CESAR!
Mugen points to Drago and starts doing the we are not worthy hand motions. The crowd follows suit as we see a small Filipino lady in the crowd frying chicken with her miniature air fryer.
Mugen: This week’s guest is one of my long time nemesiseseses.
Drago: Yea. We don’t like guy who book us on show and say you wrestle.
Mugen: That’s right, this week our guest is…………..THE BOOK!
The curtain pops open to reveal two large security guards trying to restrain a tiny book. The book appears to be wrapped in chains, probably not having been opened in years. The guards struggle as the book puts up a valiant effort, but eventually The Book gets chokeslammed onto the couch.
Mugen: You look a bit smaller then I remember……………..
Bubba pops up from behind the couch and examines The Book. An eerie growl comes from his mouth as he paws at the front cover.
Drago: This the guy you tell me about? Every time I try to mention what book I’m read, you go crazy. And now he here.
Bubba tries to smell The Book, but The Book starts to tremble, startling the lion. Bubba walks over to Drago and sits next to him.
Mugen: Yup………...I’m mad…...now.
Mugen walks over to The Book and grabs him by the front cover.
Mugen: TELL ME WHY YOU BOOKED US.
Mugen starts pointing at Drago who starts pointing at Mugen who starts pointing at Bubba who starts pointing at Drago who starts pointing at the Filipino lady in the audience who starts pointing at “Fred Durst” who…..doesn’t point at anyone and instead takes a drum and puts it through his drummer’s head.
“Fred Durst”: It’s all about the he said she said bulls*****!
Mugen: TELL ME WHY YOU BOOKED US ON TURMOIL. I KNOW THAT IM THE TYCOON OF TURMOIL BUT I NEVER INTENDED TO EVER BE ON THERE AGAIN.
Drago senses that something might go badly and stands up from his couch. He walks over to the side and drags a new desk over. He slowly props it up vertically.
Mugen: TELL ME!!!!!
The Book doesn’t answer him. Mugen slaps the front cover, but The Book no sells it. Mugen throws a closed fist at the front cover, but The Book no sells it again.
Mugen: GAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!
Mugen tries to get The Book in position for MICHELLE OBAMA but The Book fights out of it and has its pages around Mugen’s throat!
Mugen: AR- I’M. CHOKING!!!!
Mugen starts running around, flailing about like a madman to get The Book off of him, but those damn pages are too tight. Drago carefully stands himself up at the top of the desk, looking to do something that could probably hurt himself more than whoever he’s trying to hurt.
Drago: Mugen. NOW!!
Using the power of friendship, Mugen breaks out of the choke hold and Imugenates The Book back to the couch! He sees Drago getting in position, so he holds The Book down.
Drago does a brief prayer before he jumps all the way across the stage, executing the Jungle 2 Jungle onto The Book, causing the pages to go flying! Unfortunately Drago also lands ass-first onto the stage.
Mugen: WE ARE SAVED!
Mugen fist bumps Drago with their Friendship Rings.
A single page from The Book starts floating around in front of Mugen who is trying to pick up Drago from the ground.
Mugen grabs the page and gasps for a second and yells….
Mugen: HES GOT A SON?!
On the opposite side of the sound stage we see a large Robotic Machine Book with completely metal arms and legs burst through a wall like the Kool-Aid man.
The Machine Book: I am MechaBook 5000 and I have come to avenge my faaaaaaather. Beep boop boop beep boop.
Mugen and Drago look like they’re finally about to meet their end! What can possibly stop this monstrosity?
Bubba grins as he pulls out a remote. The MechaBook 5000 is charging its lasers from its eyes, preparing to incinerate P3. Bubba slaps the button on the remote and a large crash can be heard from the other side of the stage. The light illuminates what can only be…...BUB-209.
BUB-209: YOU ARE IN DIRECT VIOLATION OF THE HOOT CODE SECTION B, ARTICLE NINTENDO 64. YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS TO COMPLY.
The Machine Book: Beep boop. This book reads: You all die. Ha. Ha. Ha.
The MechaBook 5000 fires its lasers at BUB-209, but they are deflected!
BUB-209: YOU ARE NOW.
BUB-209’s mechanic eyes light up yellow.
BUB-209: V I O L A T E D
The mechanical lion fires its lasers at the MechaBook 5000, and it explodes into ripped pages.
BUB-209: THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION.
BUB-209 stomps off as Mugen and Drago look around in shock.
Mugen: Uh, so old sport? What did we learn today?
Drago: Eh……
Suddenly, “Fred Durst” pops out and stuffs one of the pages down his throat, eating it.
“Fred Durst”: ITS JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS. MOTHAF******* BOOKS!!!!
The camera pans to the announce team.
WHAT THE!
*****************
The Xtron Flickers On!
The camera pans to the announce team.
Well that was...
Different!
Stacy: This OCW Superstar has taking all of us on roller coaster thrill ride right into his 3rd consecutive season.
Winter of 2016 we witnessed the beginning of his Head Rookie Campaign. A campaign that he les onto winning OCW’s Rookie of The Year Award.
The following year the Rip Tides kept crashing in as he laid out dozens of superstars to become OCW World Lightheavyweight Champion. But towards the end of his 2nd season the roller coaster took a dive as he lost the championship.
Or did he technically?
But are there more Rip Tides coming this year? What is with this new alliance? What does Harvey Ocean have in store for us this season?
All these questions will be answered on this episode of….
Scene opens to Stacy Clark sitting on the set looking for H2O. He’s nowhere to be seen. She ask her producers for his location but no one seems to know where he is.
Stacy: Out of all the people to no call no show. I sure didn’t expect HIM not to show up! This is ridiculous! First, Nomad now…
H2O: Ta-da!
Stacy turns around in her chair quickly to see who said that. Out from behind the curtains is H2O carrying cups of coffee. The cups have some tape covering the logo.
You can partially see something green underneath the tape. A star is uncovered on top of the tape which is a clear indication of the brand of coffee he has brought in.
H2O gives her a cup and he sits down opposite of her and they each take a sip of the caramel macchiato that was made best at...well you know the place.
Stacy: Why thank you, Harvey! This is really good. How’d you know I would like this?
H2O: I always pay attention to women. Especially, to the ones I like.
Harvey smiles and takes another sip. Stacy crosses one leg over the other. She rolls her eyes and smiles. She places both her hands around the cup of coffee and takes another sip.
It’s a clear indication that he charmed her. She puts the coffee down onto the small round table that separates them both. She picks up the papers that has her questions and topics she wants to discuss with The Head Superstar.
Stacy: Oh stop! I’m onto you. Let’s get to it shall we Mr. Air F’n Ca…
Some strange reason that part of the discussion got cut. Bad feedback perhaps. We promise all connections are good from this point on.
The feed comes back clear and both Stacy and Harvey laugh nervously.
Stacy: Your former tag team partner, Anthony Baker who’s now a Kasstian, lost you in an alley somewhere.
Stacy: We all find out you ended up in Mugen’s time machine. You went to the future and didn’t come back right away. Someone else did. Care to explain that?
H2O: Yes. When I arrived into the future I was met by someone. I was met face to face with myself. He was The OCW Heavyweight Champion.
H2O: He was much different than who I am today. He was rugged, seasoned, angry. He didn’t care much for anyone or anything. All he cared about was destroying Kassidy Hayes and everything he stood for.
Stacy: That guy gave me the creeps! I could not STAND his ego or his arrogance. His arrogance smelled worse than curdled milk.
Stacy: What scares me the most is that right now all you care about is destroying Kassidy Hayes and everything he’s stands for like he did. We’re already starting to catch up to 2020. Right 2020 was the year you went to?
H2O: Yes it was, Stacy. But I’m not him trust me. He told me he was going to come back to this timeline and speed up the course of history; right before he knocked me out.
H2O shakes his head. He then reaches down for his coffee and takes another sip. The thought of getting knocked out annoys him just a bit.
H2O: He came back and lost The Good Light to Mugen.
Stacy: HE did?
H2O: HE did. Not me.
Stacy: Why?
H2O: To get me ready to become The OCW World Heavyweight Champion. Something I am destined to be anyways. It’s the only reason why I’m even here.
Stacy: I see all this in a different light, Harvey.
H2O: Really?
Stacy: I do. I don’t see the arrogance that he has. I see an ego no question but not the ego The Future OCW World Heavyweight Champion has. No offense.
Stacy: You’re not following the timeline to a T to become OCW World Heavyweight Champion though. As they say if you change any parts of the past then it’ll change the present and the future.
Stacy: Do you still see the World Title in your future given your current state in OCW?
H2O: I always see it. How can’t I? When you have Kassidy Hayes come out each and every week pressing his foot down on OCW’s throat.
H2O: He keeps sending out Ryu to derail me. Then the acquisition of Heather. The rumor of Alexa Hayes returning to side with her! He’s doing the impossible! They hate each other!
Stacy: Then C.Q.C. joined forces with TTT.
H2O: It’s obviously too much to handle for just one man against all that talent. I don’t know how my future self did it. But I can’t do it alone.
Stacy: You haven’t had much luck with friends and allies. Dimsmore departs from OCW at the hands of Our Hero. Kassidy Hayes has Baker somewhere. Which leads me to my next question….
Stacy: What is this new alliance you have with K D’Angleo and Valkyrie? This is really unexpected!
H2O: It was for me too, Stacy. Valkyrie, KD and myself are all hard working individuals. Day in and day out we put in work in that ring out there and in the locker room.
H2O: WE are The Old Country. WE are The New Country. WE are The Past, WE are The Present and WE are The Future of OCW.
H2O: The three of us are monumental in our own right. Nothing was given to any one of us. Despite what some revolutionary superstars have to say.
H2O: I respect their opinion still because they paved the way for guys like me to come in and build off of their hard work.
H2O: Which by the way thank you for omitting that one song for the opening of this show.
Stacy: “Wicked Side of Me”? Absolutely! I know that was a dark time for you.
H2O: Indeed it was. I look back at my rivalries at that time. Ugh...let's move on.
H2O: Valkyrie will handle my ex once and for all and run full steam ahead for The OCW Women’s Title. Believe me she just had about enough of that bipolared beast.
H2O: KD and I will take the tag titles just cause we can. I mean that Wagner guy beat both of them by himself. Wagner was big so imagine KD? Rhetorical! Plus The Good Light behind him? Also rhetorical!
Stacy: (Chuckles) That means you’ll be dual champion?
H2O: I’m aiming to be bigger than I was last season. You have to keep pushing yourself to remain relevant, Stacy. Make the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows.
H2O: That’s what the three of us is all about. We’re here to do our best for the greater good of OCW. If that means new mountain will be created just for our faces to be engraved in it then that’ll be a bonus.
Stacy: Well ok, Harvey. Before we go I want you to give me one word to describe each of these superstars.
Stacy: Jacob Trance, Cort Marshall, Drago, Dragana.
H2O leans back in his chair and looks up to the ceiling as he tries to think of some words to say.
H2O: Relentless, Resilient, Inspiring and humble. In the same order.
H2O smiles and takes one last sip of his coffee. He sucks his teeth because his beloved coffee got cold.
Stacy seems to have more to say.
Stacy: Kassidy….
H2O: Oh, him!? I got more than one word. He’s a jerk, annoying, manipulative, pompous…
As H2O keeps going on and on, out from the shadows of the background lurks The OCW World Heavyweight Champion.
He stands directly behind H2O and looks down on him with only his eyes.
Stacy: No! Behind you is Kassidy Hayes!
Into the light walks a group of ghoul priest, who proceed in duct taping both H2O and Stacy to their chairs, while Kassidy grabs his own chair and sits in the center of the shot between them.
Kassidy: Welcome to the Kasstian Ministry Show!
Kassidy smirks and looks back and forth between Stacy and H2O.
Kassidy: Our featured sinners this evening is the possibly tax evading thot, Stacy Clark; Do your part in reporting these money grubbing thots to the IRS #ThotAudit.
Stacy Clark goes to speak and without even a glance from Kassidy, a ghoul priest duct tapes her mouth. Kassidy then turns to Stacy,
Kassidy: Your turn to talk is over, and you clearly aren’t paying for those clothes, jewelry, and that car in the parking lot with the money OCW pays you.
Kassidy turns to look at H2O.
Kassidy: and none other than thee most disappointing, dead-beat, never was, flunke of the “new generation”.
Kassidy stands up and walks in front of H20.
Kassidy: You say being OCW World Heavyweight Champion is in your future, it is your destiny, but yet you can never win the matches to even get a chance at it. It is almost like you are losing on purpose because while it's easy to say you want to destroy me and what I stand for, you know doing it, isn’t in your realm of possibility.
Kassidy: One on One, Three on Three, Five on Five, it doesn’t matter; You will always lose to ME!
Kassidy: For Ryu’s Sake! You lost to a snowflake complaining about snowflakes.
Kassidy: That was supposed to be your gimme match to get to me because the people who run this place always try and place these opportunities at your feet and you blew it.
Kassidy: Hell, I kinda wish you were in this match at Devil’s Night so I have a easy person to pin.
H2O is calm and content in his seat.
H2O: I’m in complete control of my destiny. Yeah, I lost to a snowflake but look who still has your attention.
Kassidy shrugs.
H2O: A disappointing, dead beat, flunke of the “new generation” who’s just trying to mind his own business. But you come and just trash Stacy’s interview.
H2O: But since you’re here and I have your undivided attention, why don’t you fight me? C’mon Duckssidy Hayes?
Kassidy slaps H2O in the face. The smack brings trickles of blood from Harvey’s mouth.
H2O just laughs it off. He sucks the blood together inside his mouth and spits on one of the ghoul priests.
H2O: That’s what I think of your beloved Kasstians. Give me my best friend back! Give me OCW back!
Kassidy: ….and if I don’t?
H2O: It’s not a matter of if. It’s a matter of will. I want to see you before you reach Devil’s Night.
The camera pans to the announce team.
Intense!
He deserved it!
RYU MATSUMOTO VS A.C. COBRA
The camera pans to the announce team.
Outta nowhere!
Word!
[Timestamp 12/4/18 12:45pm EST]
We are a few hours before showtime and most of your favorite OCW Superstars are just arriving. One of them who storms into the backstage area is one MJF. MJF seems to have a very determined look on his face.
He’s carrying what looks like a laptop bag. We can’t make out what he’s saying but he is asking stopping everyone he passes to talk to him. By looking at his expression, he doesn’t seem to be getting a response he wants to hear.
He comes up on a couple OCW Backstage Staffers to now speak with them.
MJF: Have either of you jablokes seen that glow in the dark highlighter Mugen?
Both staffers shake their heads no. MJF waves them off and moves on down the hall.
MJF: (Screaming) MUGEN!!!!
MJF finds the catering area to look for Mugen, but doesn’t see him. Just as he starts tearing down the hallway again, Stacy Clarke and a cameraman hustle to try and catch up with him.
Stacy: MJF. MJF. A quick word.
MJF stops in his tracks. He is visibly frustrated. While MJF is waiting there, Stacy and the cameraman are getting their equipment set up.
Stacy: I’m here with MJF. And I’ve seen you tear thru this backstage area looking for Mugen. What is going on?
MJF: You want to know what is going on? I’ll tell you Renee. It’s a miscarriage of justice. I, Maxwale Jaykub Freeman, the premier light heavyweight superstar in all of OCW have heard rumors that imbecile Mugen put back on (Does air quotes) “De Five” and now the powers that be want to put me in the ring with that behemoth?
Stacy: Um…. My name is Stacy.
MJF: So I’m looking for Mugen to step on this official scale that I have in my bag. And if he is over that light heavyweight limit, then he needs to be disqualified and MJF should be awarded the win tonight.
Stacy: I don’t think that’s how it works MJF.
MJF: I have called everyone in the OCW offices that I could. I have sent emails. And not one response. This is outrageous. Where is Mr. Sensation huh?
Just then, an OCW producer comes to whisper in Stacy’s ear.
Stacy: Well I have just received word directly from the office of Mr. Sensation. And the match tonight will go on as planned regardless of the rumored “De Five”.
MJF puts his head back and covers his face with his hands in disbelief. He mumbles to himself as he walks off down the hallway.
