The scene opens in a quiet cocktail bar filled with patrons in high end smart-casual clothing; an artsy looking crowd with knitted scarves, glasses with lenses that don’t alter your vision, man-buns; you know the type, hipster vibes.
They wander the venue with cocktails in hand. Upon the walls hang paintings and photographs, all abstract looking pieces.
As the camera pans right we see Justin Jehst and Elsa walk into frame, arms linked. Elsa has a black flowing top, gold earrings and bracelets, and a pair of tight black pants with short boots to match. Jehst rocks a casual navy blazer/white t-shirt look, with navy pants and brown shoes/belt.
As they wander in they are handed a glass of champagne each, to which they nod to the waiter in thanks.
Elsa: This place look amazing; where we go first?
Jehst: Let’s make our way around the whole exhibit, come on.
He takes Elsa by the arm and they saunter over to the first painting; a medium sized white canvas with multiple coloured splashes and streaks of paint across it.
Hipster #1: It really shows a different side to the artist, don’t you think? You can see the red lines here representing the heartbreak she felt, as they move into a more tranquil blue, it signifies the release and letting go of those emotions.
Hipster #2: I agree, yes. And the green blotches up here in the top right; such passion and precision went into this catharsis - - -
Capo: Looks like a bunch a’ splashes and spots to me. I’ve done better in the toilet stool…[scumbag laugh]
Horrified at such a base description of this incredible work of art, the hipster couple turn to see none other than Capo Genovese. They give him a dirty look before moving on to the next work.
Jehst: You sure know how to play to a crowd, hahaha.
The two friends dap up and engage in a bro-hug, Capo is decked out in a dapper suit, gold chains and dress shoes.
Jehst: Glad you could make it, man.
Capo: You’re lucky I came in here at all; I saw some broad outside with half ‘er hair shaved off wearing a poncho inside out. The broad was chowin’ down on a Vegan dog an’ I almost turned around right there! What good is a dog that ain’t really a dog?
The 3 chuckle.
Cap turns to Elsa.
Capo: Oh myyyy A Prima Vista. I thought you had two midgets under dat dress...che bella ragazza!
Capo scumbag laughs as Elsa is shocked but flattered at the same time.
Capo: How you doin’, sweetheart? This mook treating you ok?
She smiles and replies playfully.
Elsa: You not worry about me, Capo, I’m doing great.
Jehst: Well, I’m glad you came inside, Cap; now you can immerse yourself in some culture while we talk.
Capo: If I wanted culture, I’d go over to Spanish Harlem and run a full court, maybe eat some of that Arroz con Pollo or Paella while I’m there---at least I know there’ll be real sausages----Why’d you wanna meet here anyway?
Capo looks around uneasy.
Jehst: I figured it’d be somewhere Archer wouldn’t ever dare be seen at; I need a week without hearing his annoying voice. I need to decompress before we face off at Devil’s Night.
Capo: Makes sense... But as soon as we’re caught up, I’m outta this joint...
Capo reaches around and grabs a drink off of a hostesses tray.
Capo: Hey hun, you're the best exhibit I seen here all night...
The group of three begin to walk slowly around the exhibit hall, speaking as they go.
Jehst: So how’s things with you? Haven’t seen you around since your match with Benji; you good?
Capo: Yea, I’m doing ok. I haven’t been on any cards recently, but its giving me time to train and handle the business side of things since I’ve been back.
Jehst: Well, business has always been your number one priority; understandable. You got plans to compete any time soon?
Capo: I got something in the works, for sure. You’ll get your feet wet soon JJ, like everyone else. *scumbag laugh*
Jehst: Your old pal, Jehst, doesn’t even get a sneak peek reveal? C’mon!
Capo: A businessman never lets his right hand know what his left hand is doing!
Jehst: Fair enough, man. I can respect that.
As they continue to walk they come across an interesting painting. There is a grey, brush-painted triangle in the middle. On either side of that are two flat brown brush strokes going horizontally, and beneath each of those are two short, black vertical rectangles.
And at the top of the point of the grey triangle is a yellow circle with what look like ‘light rays’ shining down across the rest of the painting.
Jehst stops and looks at the art while Capo continues speaking, seemingly drawn to it. There is a close up of Jehst’s face with everything in the background heavily blurred as he continues to stare at the painting.
Then, a sudden cut to a shot behind Justin showing all three in frame.
Elsa: Justin? Justin?
He snaps out of whatever trance he was in.
Jehst: Ah, yeah…yeah I’m here.
Capo: You need to cut back on those Mimosa’s, pal! C’mon, let’s get outta this place; I need a shot and a hot broad under my arm. Elsa, you got any friends?
Elsa: No, Capo, none you would like
Capo: Well how bout your mudder(mother) then?...(scumbag laugh)
Capo and Elsa begin walking out of frame as Jehst stops and looks back at the painting for a second before snapping out of it again and following behind the other two.
The scene fades to black.
The camera pans to the announce team.
Hmmm.
Indeed!
The Clark Effect’s set is ready for the two guests of today's episode: Lotus Flojo and Valkyrie.
Stacy: Good evening ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Clark Effect.
Stacy: Please welcome my guests at this time, Valkyrie and Flojo
Valkyrie: Hi
Flojo: Hello
Stacy: Let's start with you, Valkyrie.
Stacy: Diss tracks, dabbing… Internet Experts are worried about you. They say you are not taking your opponents seriously. What do you have to say about that?
Valkyrie: What?
Valkyrie: Look, dear Internet Experts. That's exactly what Kasstianity wants from us: they want us to live in fear, they want me to stop doing what I do.
Valkyrie: But this is who I am Stacy! I dab ALL day, every day, 24/7. And I write diss tracks in my spare time because it's my hobby.
Valkyrie: What kind of role model would I be if I changed my lifestyle because of them?
Valkyrie: This is a message for everyone. Bullies should NEVER dictate who your are. NEVER.
Valkyrie: My true fans know it. As for the others… I'll forgive you, this time.
Stacy: Time for my next question. Heather Angelo says, and I quote, she was reborn under Kasstianity.
Stacy: Not to mention the fact that some say you might have woken her inner demon, Furiosa.
Valkyrie: Oh come on, Stacy. I don't have to prove anything anymore.
Valkyrie: I am an athlete. I keep quiet, I work hard and I win. Yes, I win.
Valkyrie: I've been undefeated for over two months in singles competition. I don't brag about how good I am, I prove it. I keep my mouth shut and fight.
Valkyrie: And I'm saying this in a very humble way, believe me. I'm not flexing.
Valkyrie: I've shown people that hard work and dedication can get you anywhere you want. All you have to do is believe in yourself and work hard.
Valkyrie: I might look like an Angel sent from Valhalla, but right now I am the Demon. I am the woman to beat. Heather should be afraid of me, not the other way around.
Stacy: What about Kasstianity as a whole? Aren't you concerned of how this new religion is spreading?
Valkyrie: I'm not concerned at all. I'm not alone in this fight anymore.
Valkyrie: It's up to me to deliver the first blow against Kasstianity at Devil’s Night. It's going to be tough, no doubt about that.
Valkyrie: But if I don't do it, who will?
Valkyrie: Nomad? Don't make me laugh. I don't even know if he's going to show up. And even if he does, Kassidy is going to kick his ass back to the Moon.
Valkyrie: No, it's up to this snowflake here.
Valkyrie points to herself
Valkyrie: And then, in the main event, Harvey is going to end the Kasstianity experiment once and for all.
Valkyrie’s phone starts ringing. She looks concerned for a second, then picks up the call.
Valkyrie: I'm really sorry, Stacy. This is important, I swear I'm not big timing you…
Stacy: Alright, you are free to go.
Valkyrie quickly leaves the set, as Flojo takes the floor
FloJo: Okay, yup. I’ll see--
Stacy: FloJo, come sit down, please. I refused to be big timed again
Stacy: Got it?
FloJo Nods and sits next to Stacy.
Stacy: All right first question: What are your thoughts on Kasstianity?
FloJo: Uh...pfffft….I don’t know...They’re a bunch of autist...err I mean...cultist making fun of my faith…I think they’ll need an occupational therapist when Valk and whomever the hell beats them.
FloJo: I mean if I wanted to kill myself, I’d climb to the number of chromosomes Heather has and leap to the number of her IQ.
Stacy: Jesus. (hahahaha) Okay. Next Question...How’s your year going? You’re still lagging behind your peers it seems…Your first year, you came in red hot and suddenly flopped...
FloJo: ...It’s going….I’m facing Dragana at the next PPV. Which is not only my first PPV appearance since The Clash in January but it’s my first title opportunity. Pretty neat I think.
FloJo: And...Yeah...Well...When I came in, I was just a look and a theme song...I didn't know what I wanted to be, my ring work sucks and I couldn’t talk. Then a Valkyrie came along and took the OCW Galaxy by storm. She’s good in the ring and her mic work is great. Role model to the kids...
FloJo: Valkyrie chants on Riot. A Superstar.
Stacy: But you’re a star too with a vocal fanbase.
FloJo... Yup, I guess so.
Stacy: How would you describe your fanbase?
FloJo: Um. like a obscure Japanese game, not that great but has a small and dedicated following.
A brief pause...FloJo stands up.
FloJo: Last year, I was doing weird miscellaneous stuff like running the FloJo invitational, working the stands at Wrestlelution and setting up the ring for Summercide and fighting Anitfa just to stay busy. Now I gotta find my way again.
Stacy: Yeah that’s pretty... nevermind...You’re getting better though. Well you almost killed yourself on Riot a couple weeks ago, so not really.
FloJo looks at stacy and then looks away
FloJo: Anyway I’m hoping people will remember how good this match will turn out.
Stacy: How you mean exactly?
Stacy leans back placing hand on the side of her face. Flojo gets up and paces back and forth
FloJo: I don’t know….I just wanna be in that conversation when the OCW producers do their yearly round up thing….Like the others.
Stacy: FloJo have you ever thought about not comparing yourself to other people?
FloJo clenching her seat not having anything to say.
Stacy: I’m sorry nevermind. Let’s move on.
Stacy: I see you’re affiliated with the B-community along with your crew of... Japan-fans. Interesting, how that happen...Actually, how does it feel?
FloJo: Well, it feels kinda like it was when I was in High School. Being Black and liking anime wasn’t cool. We didn’t really fit-in anywhere else so we just stuck together. Working with Bingo is pretty cool though…
FloJo is fidgeting waiting for Stacy to stop staring at her.
Stacy: Any thoughts on your opponent for Devil’s Night?
FloJo: People said I got a death wish, and they’re right. But what else am I gonna do to get myself in the picture? Dragana is quiet but actions in the ring speak for her. I hope when this over we can be friends.
FloJo makes a heart shape with her hands.
Stacy: Okay FloJo we’re about to wrap up anything you want to say to the audience?
FloJo: Not really.
Stacy: You gotta say something, dear.
FloJo looks at the camera.
FloJo: Remember guys, always take a bath. We don’t wanna smell ya at the meet and greets.
FloJo: Henshin -a go-go baby!
FloJo puts her thumbs up and walks off camera.
Stacy: Okay, ladies and gentlemen that was Valkyrie and Lotus FloJo.
Cameraman: Cut.
Stacy lightly sighs
The camera pans to the announce team.
Haha that was great!
A Geek and a Freak, BOO!
The Xtron Flickers On
We pan into the TTT Locker room, Spider is drilling strike combinations with Rust.
Quartz is watching from a couch while eating salad out of a tupperware container
Kassidy walks into the locker room and looks over to Spider and Rust
Kassidy: They snubbed you!
RYU: Huh?
Kassidy: They put Harvey into the Main Event at Devil’s Night!
RYU: Wait, that’s real?
Kassidy: Yeah! It's me vs Harvey and NoShow.
Quartz: Come on man, I’m tryna’ eat here! Is this some kind of sick joke?!
Kassidy: I tell “Our Hero”, “H2O doesn’t deserve to be in the ring with me at all.”, all is well as they put him in with Rust but then add him to the Devil’s Night main event.
RYU: You know, Jay has Nate Ortiz and Dupree in his ear.
Spider suddenly shifts into his Trash Ortiz persona, mocking Nate Ortiz’ inflection.
TRASH ORTIZ: Jay! You gotta stop this! Spider is making me look bad! He’s beating everyone you put in front of him and making me look bad!
Quartz stands from his chair, still holding the salad and chimes in as Quartz Dupree.
Quartz Dupree: Ooooh! No problem, boss, we just won’t book him at Devil’s Night. Sure we’ll lose tons of money not having a Spider match on the card, but this way he can’t keep making us look bad! It’s a sure-fire play!
Spider and Quartz shift back into their normal personas, shaking their heads in unison.
Quartz: Yeah, that's exactly how that went down. You can take that to the bank.
RYU: I mean, I’m the LINEAL Number One contender. I’ve beaten Harvey twice in the past month, ezpz.
Kassidy: And you’ve been calling the SO CALLED Franchise out for weeks now and he’s been too afraid to answer.
Quartz: Facs.
Rust: Big facs.
RYU: And with how Rust has been hitting these pads, he’s gunna take care of Harvey ezpz as well.
RYU: And when he does he’ll be the LINEAL Number 2 Contender.
Quartz: What else did “His Own Hero” expect? This is just standard TTT Domination.
Kassidy shrugs.
Rust finally takes his focus off striking with Spider.
Rust: How do they expect to come up with opponents when all 4 of their top competitors are in TTT? When we run these shows night in and night out… Triste!
Quartz: Harvey is the best Sensation has. Laughable.
The camera flashes back to Ryu who stands determined, stretching his hands after the striking combination practice.
RYU: I think you’re ready for more of the usual, Rusty boy.
RYU: TTT DOMINATION
Kassidy: BAY-BAY
The camera pans to the announce team.
These guys are the worst!
You just do not recognize excellence!
DAMIAN BOURNE vs WREX
The camera pans to the announce team.
Oh wow!
Talk about combonations!
The sounds of calming waves crashing along a beautiful beach are heard first before the scene fades into the view of a beautiful beach somewhere.
The “Limp Bizkit” cover band slide into the view of the beach as we realize it is a video being played on a green screen. The guitarist starts wailing on his guitar as “Fred Durst” starts yelling into the microphone.
We now see Mugen and Drago walking in from opposite ends of the green screen with their matching Tommy Bahamas shirts dancing to the wicked tunes.
Mugen: WELCOME WE
Drago: ARE THE FUTURE
Mugen: OCW Taaaaaaag Teaaaaaam Chaaaaaampions
Drago: The Platinum Platonic Partners…..
Together: P!!!! 3!!!!!
Mugen and Drago whip out two badminton rackets and starts smacking each others rackets repeatedly behind the band until Mugen’s snaps in two.
As the two laugh it off, they make their way to the regular desk and couch area which is now sitting on large piles of sand. We get a shot of the audience area and we see that their bleachers are also placed on top of piles of sand and everyone in the crowd is in beach attire.
Mugen: Welcome to the Special Beach Edition of The P3 Bonanza!
Drago: We feel very good so we take staycation vacation to P3 Beach.
Mugen: A private beach for only the high class citizens like us and youuuuuuuuuuuu
Mugen points out towards the crowd as the crowd go wild. We see Stanley from the office in his own Tommy Bahamas shirt working on a crossword and sighing.
Drago: Today we have great guest. We make him feel like he home so we do this wanderful beach for him, my guy.
Mugen: That’s right, our guest tonight is no stranger to the beach and we think you will appreciate that, my guy.
Drago: My guys, and girls, please welcome………...JOOKIE MARLEY!!!!
A canned clapping sound effect plays while Mugen and Drago clap for their next guest. Their guest…..doesn’t show up. The camera pans over to the curtain. Nobody comes out. Drago looks at his Tommy Bahama branded watch.
Drago: He supposed to be here.
Mugen: He said he was going to be here at this exact time!
Drago: I’m think he promise too.
Even “Fred Durst” looks quite upset at this debacle.
“Fred Durst”: But everything happens for a reason! I don’t even know what I should say.
Mugen looks at his phone and sees that he has a voicemail.
Mugen: Oh, I think he left a message for us.
He plays the voicemail.
Phone: You have: one unheard message. URGENT MESSAGE.
Jookie: My guy, I’m gonna be there real soon, need to do some mall tings first.
Dog: HORA HORA HORA!
Jookie: BUMBOCLAT DOG! GET AWAY FROM ME BATTYMAN!!
Dog: HORA HORA HORA!!!!!
Jookie: AAAAAAIIIUUUUGGGHHHHH
Phone: End of message.
Drago: You think he okay?
Mugen: That rat bastard……….I knew it was a bad idea to get him on the show just like I knew it was a set up from those rat bastards CQC on Turmoil.
Mugen dramatically points at “Fred Durst” like he was an Ace Attorney.
Mugen: Tell me Fred, what do you think about CQC.
“Fred Durst”: I came into this world as a reject, Look into these eyes, Then you'll see the size of these flames.
Mugen and Drago both do their best impression of a thinking emoji face.
Together: Go on…….
“Fred Durst”: With thirty seven tons of new millennium, Dumb diddie dumb,
Where’s it coming from?
Mugen: I get it, you want us to beat up Jookie because he’s a dummy.
“Fred Durst”: Often called by my alias, Polar Bear
Bubba growls and holds up a sign that says “I like it when they call me Big Poppa”.
“Fred Durst”: Pay me no mind, I seen the Fight Club, About 28 times, And I’m a keep my pants sagging.
Drago: I watch Fight Club 29 times. Great movie. Make me want to beat up John Rust face.
Mugen: You mean Francois Quartz…….OOOH I WANNA…..
“Fred Durst”: BREAK STUFF!
Mugen, Drago and “Fred” start running into each other shoulders first before they all bounce off of each other into all the furniture in the room.
Drago picks up Mugen for a bodyslam and throws him through Mugen’s desk per usual. “Fred Durst” grabs his microphone stand and starts swinging it towards the audience who are now at a beach BBQ party.
The microphone stand hits the charcoal grill and knocks it over starting a fire in the audience.
As the audience are running around screaming for their lives, Mugen and Drago pick up shards from the desk and destroyed sound stage to fuel the fire.
Mugen: WE DIDN’T START THE FIRE, IT WAS ALWAYS BURNING.
