Blaine sauntered through the front door of Urban Pie Pizza. The owner had contacted her the previous week about sponsoring the next OCW Strong-women competition. She asked if they had a bar. They did, so she accepted and suggested the next contest be held there. The owner was ecstatic. So it was set. Dragana vs. Blaine, round two of five, tied at 0 as the the rope had snapped in the tug of war contest.
A crowd had already packed in behind the bar and in every booth.
Dragana and her mouthpiece were both waiting.
Johnny Law: You’re late!
Blaine: Can’t be late if it can’t start without me.
Dragana looked agitated, but remained as ever silent.
The blonde hair student from the gym once again was present and stood atop the bar with his microphone.
Student: Ladies and gentlemen, we are here for round 2 in the Battle of the Bitches!
Dragana takes a heavy glass, whips around, and throws it at the wall, narrowly missing the student. Dragana stares a hole through him and he cowers behind the bar. The crowd cheers.
Blaine: What’s wrong, not used to being talked down to? Does it bother you? Not fond of being objectified? Hmm?
Dragana just stares straight forward stoic.
Blaine leans in so only Dragana can hear.
Blaine: They think we’re freaks. You and I. We’re just something to stare at behind the zoo bars. Did you really think they cared?
Dragana’s eyes narrow and her expression turns from stoicism to sorrow. She looks around at the crowd as they’re waiting anxiously, then she turns back to Blaine, then she looks down at the table. The Silent Queen sighs.
Dragana: …
Johnny struggles to put on his referee shirt as his mask gets in the way, but he eventually makes it.
Johnny: All right, ladies. Here are the rules. One fall to a finish, because I don’t have the patience to sit here for an iron woman match. No using your other arm as leverage, your elbow must be at the designated spot at all times. I think that’s about it. I dunno, I don’t really watch professional arm wrestling contests or anything. We clear?
Dragana and Blaine nod. They lock up as Johnny places his hands on the competitors’. The crowd start getting even more anxious.
Crowd: PUT HER IN A BODYBAG!
Crowd: Why is a woman facing a man? Isn’t this unfair?
Johnny: Ready? Three. Two. One.
Dragana clenches her teeth and Blaine tenses up.
Johnny: GO!
The crowd goes nuts as Johnny releases his hold and the two ladies go at it. The table shakes vigorously around them, with no clear advantage given to either competitor. Blaine finally starts gaining the lead over Dragana, which causes her face to turn red.
Crowd: BOOOOO!!!!!
Crowd: SOMEONE’S GOTTA CHECK HER UP. I THINK SHE’S JUICING B.
The Women’s Champion exhales sharply and lowers her head.
Blaine: Come on! This the best you got?
Dragana: …
Dragana’s other hand slams the table and she is fuming, her nostrils flaring. She slowly turns the tables as the crowd roars.
Crowd: YEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Blaine: S***!!!!!
Dragana pushes forward and Blaine is on the brink of defeat, the back of her hand nearly touching the table. However, Dragana is distracted by Blaine’s face. Her eyes start to look around and her face recoils a bit.
Blaine: Ah. Aaaahhhh…
From out of nowhere, Blaine sneezes on Dragana’s face, blinding and grossing out The Silent Queen. With this, she easily overpowers Dragana and slams her arm onto the table.
Dragana: Augh!
Crowd: WHAT THE F***!
Crowd: SHOULD’VE TAKEN YOUR DAYQUIL, YOU FREAK.
Blaine looks slightly confused as Dragana stumbles, coughing and nearly puking multiple times before she rushes to the bathroom. Johnny scratches his head.
Johnny: I guess…...That makes Blaine the winner.
Blaine throws up both hands and lets out a savage yell of victory.
Crowd: BOOOO! YOU CHEATED!
Blaine: Cheated! Cheated! Explain to me how I cheated? Because I sneezed and Dragana couldn’t handle some gruff, vile, in your face, reality? Shit happens!
Man in crowd: Blaine’s got a penis!
Blaine doesn’t let this chant get started. She rushes the man, grabs him around the throat, and cocks her fist.
The crowd falls silent, the man, however shrieks.
THUMP
Just before Blaine’s fist can find its mark, Dragana catches the punch with one hand. Both women just stare at each other.
Blaine leans in: Nice catch, freak.
The man runs away in fear as do the rest of the crowd. Blaine lowers her fist and Dragana leans back against the bar exhausted.
Dragana: …
Blaine: I’m up one. I just need two more, and that title’s mine. Maybe then you’ll see things my way.
Blaine walks off as Dragana looks on. Johnny walks up and consoles her.
Johnny: Let’s get out of here.
The scene fades.
Stacy Clark walks into frame arguing quietly with someone offscreen. She stands in front of the usual Clark Effect set up backstage, with logo and curtain as prominent as ever.
Stacy eventually turns to the camera in a startled and annoyed state. She is wearing a large black sequin dress that drapes down past her feet, completely different than her usual professional business attire.
She’s wearing an unusual amount of makeup with her hair pinned up in a very fanciful way. She looks totally out of her element. With a forced grin on her face, she begins the introductions.
Stacy: ...and… welcome everyone. OCW Universe, welcome to the…
She starts yelling to someone offscreen again.
???: A wager is a wager, Stacy. Say your damn lines.
Stacy reluctantly turns back to the camera.
Stacy: ... Welcome to the TTT Effect.
Spider struts into frame with shit eating grin on his face followed by Kassidy Hayes, Ijitu Quartz, and Rust Cohle. CQC stand behind Kassidy Hayes, carrying their belts with pride.
All 4 men are donning the same “CQC is in the BDC” logo T-Shirt, available on OCWShop.com.
Stacy puts her forehead in her off-hand and continues to speak in an annoyed tone into the microphone.
Stacy: … Now, my guests this evening are TTT.
Kassidy: Hey THOT. That’s not what we agreed on!
Spider peers over to Stacy, who is staring at the group with an immense level of contempt.
RYU: C’mon now. Do it.
All four men pose at the camera in front of the Clark Effect set as Stacy sighs again.
Stacy: Here with me tonight… The Spider Ryu Matsumoto…
Stacy: ...The lineal World Heavyweight Champion Kassidy Hayes…
Stacy: …and the OCW World Tag Team Champions, C.Q.C.…
An awkward pause happens before Spider shoots another look over to Stacy.
Stacy: ...The pillars of OCW, the handsome, the talented, the only, the undisputed…
Stacy: Trill Trash Trademark… TTT!
Spider immediately snaps into performance grabbing the mic from Stacy and shouting into the camera.
RYU: That’s right OCW! TTT is here to continue to drag this show along. TTT - Undefeated. NEVER LOST.
Stacy: But didn’t you…
Rust Cohle turns to Stacy and wags his finger “no” in her face, silencing her.
RYU: I know you ”””people””” love the merch, and you can get your very own CQC is in the BDC shirts on OCWShop.com. Use the promo code “DragoSux” to get 5% off of your order.
RYU: Now Stacy, why don’t you tell the ”””people””” why we’re here?
Stacy: Last week…. I wagered that one half of the Tag Team Champions, Quartz… would lose.
Kassidy Hayes peers over to Stacy and finishes the statement.
Kassidy: ...You wagered that the greatest tag team talent in OCW history… the hottest up and comer in the industry would lose to Austin Lee?
RYU: That’s right Kass!
RYU: and you were wrong, as THOTS often are. Stacy, so now we are here to AUDIT this THOT.
Stacy, with her head down in embarrassment, turns around to show her gorgeous black dress has a piece of paper taped to it that says “Upper Echelon CQC Rulez”.
Quartz: Heh, my idea.
RYU: But that’s not the only reason we’re here. This was a scheduled CQC segment. Those dummies upstairs refuse to see how much the people want to see TTT in all its greatness. So let’s get it started, shall we?
Matsumoto lowers the microphone slowly and hands it to Quartz… but before Quartz can take it, it is snatched away by Rust Cohle. He winks at Quartz, who laughs to himself and surrenders the mic.
Rust:Bonjour, Idiots. Welcome to the TTT effect. It must be fun watching Upper Echelon greatness every week. With the power of Quartz and the finesse of Rust Cohle. It’s no wonder we’re undefeated in tag team action this season. It’s unmatched CHEMISTRY.
Rust: You all saw what happened on Turmoil! Quartzy here, BLACK PHOENIX’D Lokistico’s sorry ass through the table. A travers la table! Et ouai! What a Good Guy!
Quartz: What did you call that freak?
Rust:Je m'en bat les couilles! Lokistico, that is his name now. Good guy Rusty said so.
Cohle pushes back the mic the chest of Quartz with some power, making Quartz laugh.
Quartz: Man, what a good guy everyone!
Quartz walks over to Stacy Clark, who has her arms crossed angrily. He leans down and tilts his head to look at her.
Quartz: Now then, I think you had some questions for the greatest tag team in OCW history, right?
Stacy looks at Quartz’ smug grin with contempt and leans into the microphone.
Stacy: Yes, I do. This is my show. Quartz, what do you have to say for yourself regarding your disrespectful actions on Tur…
Quartz yanks the mic away and wags a finger at Stacy.
Spider lets out a deep sigh and crosses his arms. Kassidy Hayes hands her several cards with writing on them. As Stacy looks at them with disdain, she quickly forces out the questions to Quartz, who is still holding the mic.
Stacy: How does it feel to know you have.. Ugh. How does it feel to know you have no competition in the tag division in all of OCW?
Quartz: WELL STACY, great question might I add. I dunno about Good Guy Rusty here, but it feels great. Just going out there to entertain those wonderful idiots knowing you can’t - and won’t - be brought down by another team. Just awesome, Stacy.
Stacy rolls her eyes and immediately asks the next question.
Stacy: With The Inception adding Bobby Minio 2 weeks ago, how much easier does it make them to beat?
Quartz: Much easier, Stacy. Much easier. Bobby Minio is nothing more than a glorified microphone with a drug problem.
Quartz: When he sided with the shampion Harvey Ocean at Super Turmoil, he developed a bigger drug problem. His drug of choice this go round is way more dangerous than any he’s seen before.
Quartz: This drug is definitely a downer, and if you’re not careful, it’ll leave you dead, flat on your back in the center of the ring. This drug is called CQC.
Rust: It’s bad enough the lot of you mascots thought we’d be brought down by P3. You want a piece of this gold now?
Quartz nods with approval before capping off the sentiment on Bobby Minio.
Quartz: Bobby, bring your washed up quad XXXL friend KD with you if you want. We’ve beaten Shep and Cort Marshall so many times I’ve lost count. You guys seem to have trouble with them and they’re nothing more than our sloppy seconds.
Quartz: Any time, any place, Sensational Scrubs. We’ll put you in your place the way so many before us have.
Quartz steps back next to his TTT cohorts, seeming to prepare for some kind of pose.
Stacy awkwardly takes the microphone and reads the final question.
Stacy: Thank god this is over… Does, ugh barf. Does the group currently holding OCW on their backs have anything else to say before they go?
RYU: Yes we do Stacy. The only “Inception” made by this little collaboration of yours, Harvey… is the Inception of TTT putting an end to the H2O Experiment.
Kassidy: and after tonight… TTT will be in BDC. Because we are…
RYU: Upper Echelon Trash.
All 4 men on queue throw up the UE with their hands and walk off of the Clark Effect stage.
Stacy: Ugh. Get me out of this thing.
Ryu stops, as if remembering to do something, he walks quickly up to Stacy, and puts his hand to his throat.
Stacy flinches, hiding her face, knowing what’s about to come next, but instead Ryu sticks out his tongue and winks
RYU: Gotcha.
Stacy is furious, screaming at Ryu, ignoring her he begins making his way out of the ring. She goes to follow him, to continue her tirade, but before she can catch up she’s cut off by CQC.
Who proceed to deliver a tandem Pink Mist. Stacy staggers back and falls over screaming. Rust and Quartz high five each other
Quartz: Gotcha.
Rust: A demain!
TAYY BRIEZEE vs SHEPARD
We transition to the front of the OCW Headquarters, where we see Mugen standing with a microphone, wearing a suit.
Mugen: WELCOME to the new P3 Bonanza. If you’ve noticed, we are not in our very nice soundstage like usual. That is because OCW is currently….INFECTED with a disease known as TTT.
Mugen spreads his arm out, showing the streets of New York.
Mugen: Their trash is threatening to spread out to our people, and they don’t even know it. Which is why I’ve recruited my partner, Drago Cesar, to become the trash for one day so that people can witness just what would if trash were part of our daily lives. Drago?
The Light Heavyweight Champion awkwardly steps into view, and he looks quite….grotesque. One of his eyes has been taped shut, he has no shoes, he’s wearing a half-deflated muscle suit, and it looks as if there are multiple prosthetics in his mouth.
Drago: Why I’m do this.
Mugen taps Drago on the shoulder.
Mugen: For the sake of human science, old sport. We need to spread our words of wisdom to the city, because if we don’t….
Mugen puts his hands up to his face like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone, but even better, because Mugen is better, but still a huge fan of Home Alone 2. A few audience members placed behind a guardrail gasp in unison.
Mugen: Trash will engulf….America.
Drago: Not America! We need stop this!
Mugen: And that’s why P3 is taking to the streets. TO THE STREETS.
We transition to Drago arguing with a Puerto Rican bodega owner over what looks to be a few twinkies and a can of Surge poured partially inside a shoe.
Owner: Price is 5.80, and you give me two dolla!
Drago: One plus one is….Five. Eighty. Is that simple. Is fine!
Owner: You pay me what you owe me maddafakka or I call police!
Trash Cesar drinks the surge out of the shoe, shuddering.
Owner: You are disgusting man! Get the hell out of my store! STUPID MOTHA………
The camera pans away to Mugen who has been standing at the entrance of the bodega the whole time.
Mugen: THE SCUM OF THE EARTH. TRASH. LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENS TO DRAGO WHEN HE BECOMES TRASH.
The traveling studio audience collectively go EWWWWWWWW.
Mugen: EXACTLY!
The camera pans away to a classic New York institution, Katz’s Deli, known for their delicious, scrumptious deli meats. Mugen is pictured behind the counter stuffing a delicious slice of pastrami in his face when he looks at the camera still half eating.
Mugen: I’m here at a classic New York institution, Katz’s Deli, known for meats like this delicious piece of pastrami or that delicious piece of corned beef over there. BUT! LOOK WHAT HAPPENS WHEN TRASH COMES IN.
We see Trash Cesar walk towards the counter.
Meat Guru: What can I get ya my man?
Trash Cesar: I have famous Double Fudge Ice Cream Sundae.
Meat Guru: We don’t serve that here my man.
Trash Cesar: That fine, I bring my own.
Trash Cesar brings out an ice cream sundae that has been poorly stuffed into his inside jacket pocket and dives his face into it.
Mugen: Look at this disgusting TRASH. HOW DARE HE NOT EAT.
Mugen stuffs another slice of meat in his face.
Mugen: UGH FOUL PIECE OF TRASH MOTHA…..
The camera cuts away to a random street corner in Harlem where Mugen is seen standing next to a trash can.
Mugen: We are here in the lovely New York City neighborhood of Harlem. Where we are going to show you WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF TRASH INFECTED THE WORLD.
Mugen slides to the side and stands behind a nearby light post as a muscular urban gentleman walks by the Trash Can. When all of a sudden……….Trash Cesar pops up from within the Trash Can still covered in McDonald’s wrappers and ketchup.
Drago: SURPRISE!
The startled muscular urban gentleman jumps up and drops his iPhone and swings his fist at Drago who instinctively ducks the punch.
Mugen has to jump out of nowhere and restrain the gentleman.
Mugen: SORRY SIR! JUST DOING A HIDDEN CAMERA TV SHOW HERE. PLEASE CARRY ON.
Urban Gentleman: Stupid clown ass Chi…..
Mugen interjects to prevent anything from happening.
Mugen: AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN TRASH COMES TO INFECT US ALL.
Mugen jumps back into his observation point as we watch as an elderly couple walk by the Trash. Trash Cesar pops up again from the Trash Can….
Trash Cesar: SURPRISE!
The husband is startled by the situation and falls down into his wife who ends up taking a tumble of her own. A surprised Trash Cesar looks back at an equally shocked Mugen who starts looking to his left and right because he has no idea what to do.
