We cut to the ring, where Stacy Clarke sits for The Clarke Effect. The setup is simple as usual, just two chairs and a small table with the Clarke Effect logo draped over it.
The only unusual item is a small blue cooler next to Stacy’s chair, but before that can be paid any attention to, her guest’s theme begins playing over the arena speakers!
That one Jefferson Starship song you’re probably hella tired of hearing echoes through the packed stadium as Cort saunters out, relaxed and wearing casual street clothes.
He high-fives a few fans and poses with a child decked out in American flag apparel by his rather rotund mother, who blows Cort a kiss. A true man of the Walmart people.
Cort climbs into the ring and mock-salutes the crowd for the warm reception before sitting down in his chair as Stacy begins her interview.
Stacy: Welcome to the show, Cort, glad to have you.
She smiles, happy to have a more relaxed/sane guest on the show.
Cort: Likewise.
Stacy: So to begin, what are your thoughts on the current Pride title situation?
Cort sighs.
Cort: Before I get to that, Stacy… throw me a beer.
Stacy looks down at the cooler.
Stacy: I was wondering why you requested a cooler… I assume it’s not full of fruit juice.
Cort: HAH! No.
Stacy mutters something about staying healthy as she opens the cooler and tosses the can to Cort, who catches it with the practiced, one-handed snatch of a tailgate party pro. He cracks open the can of Milwaukee’s (debatable) Best and takes a swig before answering her question.
Cort: Well… it’s complicated. I feel for Bobby, I really do. This FAME shit has gotten way out of hand; he earned that belt, and all they’ve done is screw him over for it. So I wish him luck against whoever he faces, and I hope that if I do get a shot, it’s against him and not some pompous blonde princess or whoever FAME want to send to fight their own battles for them.
Cort: I’d love nothing more than to tear this stupid corrupt network down from the roots, but what can I do? What can anyone do? Hell, who knows if they’ll get you in trouble for letting me say this!
He takes another swig of the beer.
Cort: It really gets my goat.
Stacy: Indeed… I haven’t been safe from them either. That leads into my next question, what do you make of the threats from Paul Pugh?
Cort: I think he can shove it. I’ve spent half my life being jerked around by peoplein high places, last thing I’m gonna do is let it happen again. I might not be able to take them down, but they for sure can’t take me down either. Fire me and I’ll just show up in the parking lot with a tank.
Stacy laughs.
Cort: You think I’m joking? I will absolutely park an M1 Abrams in front of the arena doors until they let my ass back in to keep doing what I do.
Stacy raises an eyebrow.
Stacy: You have a tank? Is that legal?
Cort: Let’s not ask rhetorical questions, Stacy, if you please.
She nods awkwardly and continues.
Stacy: What’s your outlook on the fatal fourway match for contendership between you, Maxwale, AC Cobra and Tre Golden?
Cort: Finally, we get back to the sports side of things. Because that’s what this is, Stacy. At least that’s what it’s supposed to be. Somewhere in the match interferences and people time travelling and backstage hootenanny, people have forgotten that this is supposed to be a regulated, competitive sport.
Cort: God willing, the best man will walk out of that match one rung higher on his quest for Pride gold… no flaming tables, outside help, unholy powers, production truck magic, or creative lightswitch action necessary!
Cort chugs the rest of the beer and tosses it over his shoulder.
Cort: Now give me a HECK YEAH for fair play!
The crowd gives him one.
Stacy: But one of the participants, Maxwale, isn’t particularly known for fair play himself… after all, he did hit you in the, well… you know.
Cort: Oh, I know. But don’t worry yourself about my balls, Stacy.
She cringes.
Stacy: Please don’t phrase it like that.
Cort: Well, don’t! I’ve got something up my sleeve for that. Little screamy masked guy is comin’ in clutch for a brother in need.
Stacy: You mean Loki?
Cort: Yup, that’s the name.
Stacy: For my last question… what are your future plans after Certified Greatness?
Cort: To be honest… I have no idea. That all hinges on the results of my match and the state of OCW as a whole. We’ve got so much Turmoil, no pun intended, going on right now that all a man can do is roll with the punches.
Cort:
All I can promise my loyal people of OCW is that whatever I do will be, most assuredly… American as apple pie and motor vehicle accidents caused by people staring at other motor vehicle accidents. HOOH-AH!
Stacy: That’s all for today, Cort, thank you for being on the show.
Cort: And thank YOU for not hitting me in the balls.
Stacy laughs.
Stacy: No problem.
Cort stands up, grabs his cooler, and makes his way out of the ring--but stops part way.
Cort: Somethin’ about this just don’t feel right! Why I’ve got all these beers left!
He looks to the left, then the right.
Cort: Any of you folks need a cold drink in these trying times?
The crowd cheers and Cort opens the cooler.
Cort: All righty then!
He grabs a beer in one hand and stands back up, looking at the camera with a sardonic expression.
Cort: Y’all better catch these, I don’t want no lawsuits from beer can concussions.
He underhands the can into the crowd, and the rest follow. The crowd cheer with each one, and as Cort is done, he pumps his fist in the air for the “U-S-A, U-S-A” chants. He exits the arena with an empty cooler and a full heart as the crowd show their support for this act of pure redneckery.
The camera switches backstage where Kassidy has arrived being followed by a pack of ghoul priest when Jim Black walks up before Kassidy, before speaking Jim does a quick cup check,
Jim: Kassidy, excuse me, tonight you face KD in a tables match, what is the gameplan?
Kassidy: Jim, that is easy, I have beaten KD just like I have beaten every member of inception. There is no rules in a tables match besides how you win, so I am going out there to cripple KD and inception will be back here watching it.
Kassidy: and of course to add KD to the Drago Dick Punch Club, which you know all about.
Kass flicks out his hand and taps Jim’s cup,
Jim: Please don’t!
Jim adjusts his cup,
Jim: A few weeks ago, H20 challenged you to a match for Certified Greatness and we have yet to hear from you.
Kassidy: I have a question for you Jim, How many times have I pinned H20?
Jim looks confused as he doesn’t know the answer,
Kassidy: I have pinned him on Turmoil,
Kassidy: I have pinned him on Riot,
Kassidy: I pinned him at Clash,
Kassidy: and much like I am going to do to KD tonight, I have put H20 through a table at Summercide.
Kassidy: I will never shy away from Beating H20, so of course he can have a match at Certified Greatness where he can join his team mate in the same club because it won’t just be about beating H20 again; it will be about humiliating H20.
The X-Tron Begins To Play A Video
We fade from black and back onto the set.
H2O: There’s a wicked side of me and everyone knows about it. Furocity, anger and rage. These emotions I still carry with me this season believe it or not.
H2O: Now how do I instill these emotions into my team? These are some dark emotions that has certain attachments to them.
H2O: Frustration, resentment and hatred….
H2O: How can I use those as a weapon and a form of offense? In order to do that, I have to get them to want to be great.
H2O: I had to get them to wake up every morning and be driven to become a better version of themselves. That’s why I arranged a dinner with them.
H2O: That was just the first phase. I wanted to see if they would even come and they did. So I knew there was a chance to become more cohesive.
H2O: The second phase wasn’t aired. After we ate each member told me their goals as individuals and for us as a unit.
H2O: They laid EVERYTHING out on table just like I did with that salmon dinner. Now I know what my men want.
H2O: Respect to their name.
H2O: Where this group want to go cohesively is greatness. But greatness is not something to be.
H2O: It’s a destination.
H2O: We’ll do anything to get there. Anything!
H2O’s eyes move horizontally and he smiles at each and every member of his newfound family. His eyes stop once they are met with Valkyrie’s eyes staring right back.
H2O: Shut that one down.
Scaggs: That last one on the very end? Shut that light off?
H2O: Did H2O stutter?
Scaggs pauses for a moment. He looks at H2O with a look of concern because the way he said that reminded himself of H2O of last season.
The wicked side.
Scaggs snaps out of his trance. He turns to look over his shoulder to see which member he is talking about.
A disappointed look comes across his face.
Scaggs: Very well then.
Scaggs looks just beside the cameraman and takes his hand to motions it back and forth across his neck.
As he does, Valkyrie’s poster gets shut down and returns back to the darkness.
Scaggs: (Sighs) Well Harvey it looks like the show reached its limit for today. I thank you once again for stopping by to help me improve my brand.
H2O: Harvey always answer the call for OCW.
H2O puts on his shades on and exits the set. He leave Scaggs with the look of concern on his face again.
Scaggs: Oh no.
As you see his adams apple move intensely from a hard swallow the scene fades.
DRAGO CESAR OPEN CHALLENGE*
The camera cuts to Jim Black who is standing next to a closed door. He seems not interested and confused as to why he was placed near this blend door.
The camera zooms out slightly and now the whole door is visible. On the door, there is a gold sign, that says “Billy Saturn”.
Jim Black also notices it and knocks on the door.
Billy Saturn: Come in.
Jim opens the door and walks inside. He shakes Billy’s hand and introduces him, with no enthusiasm.
Billy Saturn: Jim. That is no proper way to welcome the new best thing in OCW.
He walks up to Jim, who is backing up to the wall. Billy suddenly grabs Jim and presses him against the wall.
Billy Saturn: Want to try again, Black?
Jim Black gets up from the floor. He looks shocked. But he obliges and introduces Billy Saturn again, with a slight tin of enthusiasm.
Billy Saturn stands, in deep thought. He then snaps his fingers and 2 OCW staff members enter the room and walk up to Jim Black. Jim drops the microphone on the floor.
OCW Staffer 1: Jim, he warned you last time didn’t he.
OCW Staffer 2: Now, Black. You try one more time and do your freaking job or else…
He raises his fist. Jim seems terrified as he is backed up against a corner by 2 members of OCW staff.
Jim picks up the mic he dropped, takes a deep breath and looks at the camera.
Jim Black: Ladies and Gentleman. Tonight, I have the great honour of presenting the one and only. The saviour of OCW. The greatest of all time. BILLY, SATURN!!!
As soon as he finishes he looks at Billy, terrified. However, Billy Saturn seems pleased. He walks up to Jim and takes the mic from him.
Members of OCW Staff signal Jim to leave the room and he gladly runs out of it.
Billy Saturn: Ah. Isn’t it depressing? First time in the arena and half of my air time is taken up by that dumbass. Nevertheless, it doesn’t affect me. Only you, the audience, who will get to look at the future of OCW for a shorter period of time.
Billy Saturn: You might be wondering what does this great man have to say? Well... I would like to apologize. Before I came here, I said the audience and the show were rotten. I was mistaken.
The crowd start to cheer.
Billy Saturn: This place isn’t rotten. It is dreadful, awful, terrible and disgusting. And when it comes to the people, I don’t understand why anyone would pay to watch this. You truly are stupid.
A loud pop of boos is heard throughout the whole arena.
Billy Saturn: However, you stupid, illiterate fools are in luck. As I have now entered this arena. And it has become a lot better. I am here to save OCW. To drag it out from the grave, you the audience and the wrestlers have put it in.
Billy Saturn: I am here to help the wonderful OCW management make OCW great again.
Billy Saturn: And I have to do it… Because… I, am Billy. Billy Saturn. And I am out of this world!
The camera fades as the OCW staff clap.
Backstage, a smiling Terra is seen with her friend Elsa Holmberg, just outside the ringside area.
Terra: I’m very nervous, Elsa! I don’t really know if this is going to work.
Elsa: You must trying this or you never get better. I believing in you.
Elsa smiles at Terra and tries to lighten the mood.
Elsa: Justin talk to the OCW crowds all times and he never get nervous.
Terra puts her hands behind her back meekly.
Terra: But… Justin is an actor! He’s so good at speaking to people. I feel like they won’t want to listen to me.
Elsa: Now now, Terra, now is too late for that kinds of talk!
Terra peers up into the face of Elsa and puts her hand on her shoulder.
Elsa: We talk about this before, remember? You have been training a lot! You not just some girl anymore. You are athlete.
Elsa: I see you in this ring and you come so far since you get here.
Terra: ...You really think so?
Elsa smiles wide, flabbergasted at Terra’s lack of confidence in herself.
Elsa: Of course! You not give yourself the credit you deserve. You teaching me so much about myself and love and nature. Now it my turn to teach you about loving yourself.
Elsa: You deserve to be in ring and you know it inside. You want to spreading the word of love and peace, right?
Terra: Of course! I have seen so many bad things in my life in oh so little a time… I just don’t know how I am going to change it…
Elsa: This is how. You get on center stage and compete hard… You win everyone love and they listen to you! Not worry about the mean people outside… or inside the arenas. I think you wonderful, Ms. Daturas.
Terra and Elsa giggle to themselves at Elsa’s joke, referring to Terra’s predisposition to niceties and calling everyone “Mr. and Ms.”
Terra: You’re right, amica. Let’s go!
She turns and skips confidently towards the curtain.
Elsa: Good luck!
Terra freezes and turns around shocked.
Terra: Good luck? Aren’t you coming with me, Elsa?
Elsa: Of course not. I know you not agree to this unless you thought I was coming… but I be watching you the whole time back here. I know you will do great job.
Terra: Oh no… I’m nervous again. I thought you were going to be there with me-
Before she can continue her nervous rambling, Elsa gently places the flower garland on Terra’s head and embraces her in a signature Terra-like hug.
Terra smiles, hugs back and nods her head. Her music cuts on and can be heard over the PA system.
Elsa: I think that your cue.
Terra takes a deep breath and skips through the curtain…
