It is indeed a cold day in hell as OCW’s Lightheavyweight Champion swaggers around the Barclays Center ring. The crowd is electric, scintillating even… and why? For me you big silly. Of course its for me - they’ve never seen anything so spect…. Oh we’re starting. Pugh (me) pops the microphone to his(my) mouth as the crowd pause for the cause.

Pugh: Ladies and Gentlemen may I present to you… your Champion of Turmoil… THIS GUY!

He points to himself as the crowd half boo, half cheer - what on earth is this guy talking about. He begins to explain

Pugh: Wrestlution 11 Tokyo Dome - 2 Main Events. One Riot - Boo that please

He holds up the microphone as the crowd boos

Pugh: ...one Turmoil. Now ordinarily you’d expect the Turmoil Title to be defended in the second to last match yes?

The crowd boos again. Why are they booing! I’m discussing their awful show!

Pugh: ...well… you boys and girls are shoot outta luck. See, while your Turmoil Champion was fighting that dude during the piss break slot, old Pugh was out here making the goddamn town! Battling The Bitterness himself in that Turmoil main event slot for this very title.

He lifts the title above his head as the fans pop huge. They’ve never seen such a dignified title belt

Pugh: ...and as winner of that match - you know what that makes me?

The fans erupt again

Pugh: ...That’s right - YOUR WORLD CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!

Pugh drops the Championship to the floor and falls down with it. Once on his knees, he soaks in the adulation and heavy boos from the two-thirds full (capacity?) crowd. He puts the microphone back to his mouth

Pugh: ...The Champion of this Show! OF MY SHOW. KID EGO’S OWN TURMOI….

“Princes of the Universe” by Queen cuts of the fecal matter flowing from the Lightheavyweight Champion’s face. The entity responsible for your salvation is no other than Tiberius Octavian Dupree, Kneesus Christ. He walks down the ramp and towards the ring.

Dupree: KID what?! You’re like 50 you twit, and this has always been MY SHOW, the moment I graced these halls with my Betterness….the moment I kneed the Purge out of Tobin’s freaking life...that was when I staked my undeniable claim here!

He points to the apron.

Dupree: You have never even won a match on TURMOIL, and if you did I’m sure it wasn’t memorable. While mine was absolutely….positively the greatest Main Event in this show’s glorious history.

Dupree: Therefore the aforementioned Turmoil Main Event of Wrestlution 11 only happened because I was in the match. Otherwise you’d be jerking the curtain on the kick off show with a selfie stick.

He stands on the apron.

Dupree: Just look at the ratings, I’m sure Neilsen himself will tell you why there’s been a dramatic increase in recent weeks.

Dupree: It damn sure ain’t Dennis Black filling these seats with his Napoleon complex and regional championship, it damn sure ain’t you with your fanny pack full of Bingo chips.

Dupree: It’s because of the Betterness and if you want me to prove that, I’ll knee the soul out of your freaking body right now!


The camera pans to the Turmoil World Heavyweight Champion stepping on the stage. Being the tactical genius that he is at such a young age, the anomaly of success in professional wrestling, our Humble Hero Dennis Black remains on stage to avoid being double teamed by the retirement home escapees. He looks none too pleased as he taps the mic three times against the newly minted Turmoil World Championship.

Dennis: It wasn't until Wrestlution of last season that I started to feel this sport of ours was no longer a young man’s game. Our two main events of this season’s Wrestlution and tonight’s display of ‘whose back hurts’ more between the two of you only strengthens that…

Dennis: OCW truly stands for ‘Old’ Championship Wrestling.

Dennis pauses as the audience shows their disapproval of him. He raises as hand in an attempt to calm them down.

Dennis: Hold on I can do this. ‘Outdated’ Championship Wrestling? Better yet...

Our Humble Hero points to the ring.

Dennis: ‘Obsolete’ Championship Wrestling. All I see are two men that I've beaten in Title matches this season squabbling over a title that rightfully belongs to me. Now if you'll excuse me…

Dennis: I’m sure these people would rather hear about what they saw only a few nights ago at the Manhattan Center.

Pugh: Hey Peter Dinklage - shut up for a second. How about you show a little respect when there are legends talking you wee shit. I’m not Han Solo, I don’t need the help of an Ewok… Matter of fact… How about you come down here and I show you why I’m the Turmoil Champion!

Dupree’s eyes bulge as Pugh finishes his sentence

Dupree: YOU?! You’re not that champion! I’M THE RIGHTFUL CHAMPION!

Pugh’s eyes bulge almost as big

Pugh: You?! YOU? I’M THE GODDAMN CHAMPION!

Dennis: Neither of you are the Champion!

Pugh looks at Dupree.

Pugh: I’ll flip you for it…

Dupree: Deal.

Pugh produces a coin from his fanny pack and fires it into the sky. As its coming down, he talks

Pugh: Heads I beat his ass, tails you beat his ass.

Dupree nods sagely as the coin falls into Pugh’s hand. He takes a look at it and smiles.

Pugh: Heads!

Dupree shakes his head

Dupree: Show me!

Pugh offers Dupree the coin but refuses to turn it over for a second, before Dupree snatches it from his hand

Dupree: Double sided! KNEW IT!

Pugh: Pshh Pshh - shut up and get out of the ring I’ve got work to do!

Dupree gives him a better bird and hops out of the ring as Pugh prepares to do battle with Dennis Black. Dennis reluctantly makes his way to the ring.

(Non Title!)

Dennis Black (c)

vs

Pugh (c)

The camera pans to the announce team.

	...
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