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Live from the Barclays Center
Jack: While I want to thank each and every one of you for that heartfelt ovation, I have to admit that sadly, while tonight will truly be at least the thirty seventh best night of my life, it's going to be a kick in the balls for most of you. Tonight, as the Dennis Black and GM Jack Era officially begins, there's going to have to be some changes around here.
Jack: You see, one way or another, Dennis Black will become the highest paid athlete in OCW history tonight. As his manager, I'm entitled to ten percent of those earnings. It's a good day to be a scumbag kids. Now for this to happen, according to the sons of Abraham down in accounting, that means I'm going to have to fire half the roster just to accommodate Mr. Black's signing bonus.
The General Manager is interrupted by the sounds of disapproval coming from the Turmoil audience. The camera briefly pans to the unhappy ticket buyers in the first row.
Jack: I know, I know, I'm sad too. Do you think it makes me happy to have to fire a kid with a dream like Lil Hudsy just so Dennis and I have access to a twenty four hour car service? No, it breaks my heart people! But as a leader, tough choices have to be made. What benefits Turmoil more? Eliminating the possibility of me being jailed for my ninth DUI or keeping the Johnson House Jobber around? Shout out to Spanish Harlem!
The camera pans to several Spanish people in the audience looking more enraged by the minute.
Jack: Now this next one is really going to hurt as it hits close to home. Deep down in my soul I know Tiberius Dupree is truly fabulous with hair that The Champ and I could only dream to accomplish. As GM, it's my job to make dreams come true! So both Dennis and myself will need personal stylists. Good ones too! Gay ones! I don't know if you've ever had to pay a homosexual for anything, but trust me, none of their services are cheap. With that in mind, I'm afraid I'm going to have to let my dear friend Dustin White go.
Ocw never had intentions of making Dustin White merchandise, but that didn't stop one overweight fan from from making it himself. He threw his half eaten hotdog in the ring.
Jack: I know, I know, it hurts. He'll be fine folks. Jack In The Box is always hiring and he has management written all over him. Sadly Dustin's contract won't cover two homosexual stylists so I'm going to also have to drop Joe Zhivago as well as The 5% Nation.
The audience had no reaction as no one knew who those people were.
Jack: Now naturally we're also going to have to cut back on catering services. We spend over forty thousand a month on chicken salad! Have your mommies pack your lunches for you children.
Even over the normal crowd noise you can hear Bill Ding scream “NOOOO!” from backstage.
Jack: Now sadly as the night goes on I'll be out to announce more cuts. But right now, I got to be honest, I can't stand the sight of you people anymore. So with that in mind, even though none of you deserve to even look at his magnificence, let's bring him out here! The most feared competitor in OCW, the greatest athlete of our generation, a man more talented than God Himself, Dennis Black!
The tactical genius, the anomaly of success in professional wrestling, our Humble Hero Dennis Black let's the crowd have their fun. The roars of disapproval lasted for upwards of five minutes. But much like every opponent he's had thus far in season twelve, the attempts at overtaking him had proved fruitless as his words cut the audience down.
Dennis: Now now, I know Turmoil has it sooo rough. Boo hoo, You've got a World Champion that isn't a part timer. Get over yourselves, Riot hasn't had that in over a year.
Dennis: I've got sponsors, damnit! Shout out to the Triple T! I'm getting a freaking SNEAKER in my honor, and i don't ever wear sneakers. I'm the Tiger Woods of professional wrestling, chasing after the Legend of Jack Nicklaus. Only there will be no scandals -
Jack: Or fat waitresses.
Dennis: Naturally. And the difference is, when all is said and done, the annals of history will have an asterisk whenever Parker or Ortiz are mentioned as the ‘greatest’ of all time! All because of…..me!
Dennis: Now then! On to business.
Dennis accepts the binder and pen from his General Manager, Gentleman Jack. He quickly signed it and slammed the binder shut.
Dennis: And now, I take my leave. Maybe I'll take H20’s woman to the Bahamas where she can feed me grapes and shine my TWO championships. Fear not, I will return for Savage Lands when Jack finds me a suitable chall-
The Turmoil crowd explodes at the unmistakeable CEO , Founder, Ruler, Grand Puba of OCW has made his way to the Turmoil Ring.
Our Hero: Hold on a second, scooter.
Dennis: It’s Dennis!
Our Hero: I don’t care if it's Dorothy Dandridge, Danny McBride, Hell Danny Glover whom just like myself……
Our Hero: Is too old for this *****
Our Hero: You are going to hold on for just one single second my friend. Now I know your whole thing is being for lack of a better word, and I hope the viewing audience will bare with me I am not as verbose or as gifted as say one Bobby Minio so to keep it simple….
Dennis: Get to the point!
Our Hero: You are a Cunt!
The Crowd Cheers Our ‘Humble’ Hero is livid
Dennis: HOW DARE YO-
Our Hero: Now now, hear me out. You didn’t start off as a cunt, but somehow some way a little ember of motivational spite and or possibly rage which has propelled you to great heights, not seen since hell 2006, it has also made you an unbearable human being.
Our Hero: I mean the way it’s supposed to work is once you bust a nut you relax and get filled with a new vigor and zest until the next! But with you.. It seems that once you became a man the opposite effect occurred you have become somehow by some way of science an even bigger cunt.
Our Hero: 9 out of 10 gynecologist have confirmed it Mr.Black you are a HUGE, cunt! And don’t think you are slick with your whole “Humble Hero” nonsense, never in my entire 902 years in the business have I ever met a more self centered douchebag! And I lived through the DARK AGES OF OCW!!!!!
Our Hero: Now then this isn’t about how big of a piece of human garbage you are or your lack of sexual performance, or your height, or your oddly colored hair, or your weird fashion choices. NO! This is ABOUT TONIGHT!!!
Our Hero: If you think you get to “Take The Night Off” you got another thing coming, hammer!
Our Hero: In fact this proposes an opportunity for you. I mean on Riot you have been undefeated in 1 on 1 competition, and hell last week you defeated 2 men in a triple threat match, but what about …
Dennis: DON'T YOU DO IT!
Our Hero: What about…
Dennis: ABSOLUTELY NOT!
Our Hero: A Match...
Dennis and Jack: …(breaths a sigh of relief) ……..
Our Hero: Tonight…..
Dennis: If I must humble another then so be it….
The Crowd Cheers!, as Our Hero looks to the crowd!
Our Hero: I mean these fine folks are up for it!
Our Hero: So Tonight it will be Dennis Black vs The Backwoods Badass Jackson Montgomery!
The Crowd Cheers as Dennis looks unphased!
Our Hero: Vs The Future Investment Winner #Austin Lee
The Crowd Boos!!! As Dennis is Clearly annoyed.
Our Hero: Vs the OCW Hardcore and North American Champion, HE BUILT THIS MOTHER ********* CITY, BILL DING!!!
The look in Dennis Black eyes speaks volumes at the mention of Ding, he spikes his microphone as the crowd comes unglued!
Our Hero: TONIGHT in a Fatal Four Way match in the MAIN EVENT!!!!!!
Our Hero: Remember Dougie!.........
Our Hero along with the Crowd: ITS MY WORLD, AND YOU’RE JUST PAYING RENT!!!!
Our Hero tosses his mic to The Champion as he makes his way to the back! Dennis looks to Jack and starts to yell, asking if Mr. Sensation can do that. Of course he can, it's his company.
The camera pans to the announce team.
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What a way to kick of a show that is going to be one hell of a Main Event! |
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I just hope I have a job by the end of tonight. |
Big Ed vs Jett Draven
The camera pans to the announce team.
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I knew that one would be interesting. |
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I figured it'd go one of two ways and it did. |
We now go backstage to GM Jack's office. Jack is sitting at his desk with a stack of contracts. Sitting across from him are two of Israel's finest from accounting, Ephraim and Moshe Blumenstein, the nation's top jewish brother accounting team.
Ephraim: It's not kosher Jack. The numbers don't add up.
Moshe: You need to shlep at least six more goyims to make this kosher.
Ephraim: Can we get a little nosh? This hunger is driving me mishega.
Moshe: Oy! How can you eat at a time like this?
Ephraim: Don't be a schmutz! When you gotta eat you gotta eat!
As the men continue looking over contracts, Moshe notices something incredible.
Moshe: Jack you shlemiel! You're still paying Aries and RD more a month in a legends pension than your midcard combined! Just cut them loose and your problems are solved!
Ephraim: He's right. Cut those two guys, along with your earlier cuts and it adds up. Dennis Black is now the richest man in OCW history and Turmoil won't go under.
Jack: That's nice and all, but what if we really cut deep? Let's not aim for breaking even boys, let's line the coffers a bit.
Moshe: But who else can you fire?
Jack: Jimmy Henry!
Ephraim: OY!
Moshe: Are you mad? I'm no fan of the Catholics but those people hold grudges Jack.
Jack: What's he going to do? Cry about it?
Moshe: Firing Jimmy takes chutpah Jack. I commend you.
Jack: Let's dump that moron Loki and those inbred butt ******* the Hattons too.
Ephraim: Oy vey! There's nobody left Jack! Everyone else is indispensable! You still need people to fight in the ring to sell tickets!
Jack: Don't be so schmaltzy Ephraim. I'm not done. Not yet.
Jack smiles as the scene fades.
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