Rust Cohle removes his TTT branded jacket from the hook and slides it on one arm at a time. As he adjusts it over his shoulders, Ijitu Quartz walks into frame and aggressively starts rubbing his shoulders.
Rust: Can you stop?
Quartz: Gotta get those kinks out! It’s time for your big singles return!
Rust shakes his tag partner off and grabs a water bottle from the table, throwing it at Quartz.
Quartz: Agh! Who throws a gah’ damn water bottle? Don’t throw stuff at me, frenchie!
Rust shakes his head at his tag team partner as another water bottle flies in from off screen and hits Quartz in the back. As he turns around RYU shoots finger guns at him.
RYU: Nice job taking down H2NO last week. You had to bring out the big guns to put him down. Tough one that H2NO.
Quartz: Heheh. My man RUSTY here is getting ready to make his in-ring return too. Of course, I can’t accompany him to the ring. He’s gotta carry his own weight in this one.
Kassidy pokes his head through the doorway for a brief moment,
Kassidy: HA!
Rust: Like your fatass carries anything?
RYU: So… who is it this week?
Quartz and Rust Cohle grin in unison and sarcastically stretch, as if they were hiding something. Quartz stands right beside Cohle with his head leaning on Cohle’s shoulder. He tries to put a serious face on, but you can tell he’s holding back laughter.
Rust: Well Spider, it is an open challenge afterall.
Quartz: Right.
Rust: and you know, I’m just looking to compete.
Quartz: Right.
Rust: Looking to show my stuff.
Quartz: Right.
Rust: Looking for a nice, even matchup out there.
Quartz: Right.
Rust: It could be ANYBODY.
Quartz: Right.
Rust: … and whoever makes their way out, I hope we have a good time.
Quartz: Right.
RYU and Cohle look over at Quartz, who is still holding back laughter. He quickly looks back and forth at the two men and thinks for a moment.
Quartz: What?
RYU: Well anyway… I’m off to watch my son take down sheepman. What kind of name is that anyway?
RYU waves off CQC and exits the TTT locker room as Quartz and Cohle laugh to themselves.
Quartz: Wait til you see what I got cookin’ for you this week, Rusty. Hahah!
Rust: Hey, hey. Show me that move. That strut. How’d it go again?
Quartz throws on his PRISTINE SUNGLASSES and struts around the room arrogantly as he did last week after his “victory” against H2NO.
CQC both break out in laughter and continue strutting around the room as the camera cuts to black.
The camera pans to the announce team.
These 2...ugh!
THE EPITOME OF COOL!
HIJO DE MISTICO
vs
RICKY 'THE DRAGON' RAGNARATH
The camera pans to the announce team.
Right in the bread basket!
Will you stop it!
We open on the iconic P3 soundstage, where the Limp Bizkit cover band starts rocking out to “Rollin’”. The guitar player starts doing a solo in the middle of the song, focusing so intently on his performance and shaking his head so much that he looks like he’s convulsing. When the band goes back to the chorus, suddenly we see Drago and Mugen barrel roll into the stage. They get up and welcome the crowd with open arms.
Mugen: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of the P3….BONANZA!!!!!
Drago: That is….
Both: Platinum.
Both: Platonic!!!
The pair start to air guitar.
Both: PARTNERS!!!!!!
Mugen hops over the exquisite antique wooden desk and takes a seat behind it while Drago takes a seat on the dollar store couch.
Mugen: Folks, we have a great show for you tonight.
Drago: Mugen, how you feel?
Mugen: I feel……
The camera closes up on Mugen’s face. It starts getting so close that the camera actually bumps into Mugen’s forehead.
Mugen: DELIGHTFUL!!!!!!
A canned clap sound effect plays. Bubba, wearing a monocle, appears from behind the couch and sits next to Drago.
Drago: We have great guest for tonight.
Mugen: We have a guest? Old sport, you never told me!
Drago: Because is surprise!
Drago sits there and stares at the camera for a few seconds, looking lifeless. The camera pans to Mugen, who seems to be doing the same. The camera goes back to Bubba and he’s staring at the camera menacingly.
Drago: OCW’s favorite insect, Spider Trash!
The figure that appears from behind the curtain is….Ryu Matsumoto? He looks vaguely similar to Spider, but something appears off about him. His hoot tattoo on the neck appears to be missing, and his face doesn’t quite look the same. Drago gets up from his seat and allows “Spider” to sit next to Bubba.
“Spider”: Oh why hullo there, it’s quite the honor to be here, don’t cha know
Mugen and Drago look at eachother flabbergasted at the THICC Wisconsin dialect coming out of “Spider’s” face. They turn back to “Spider”.
Mugen: So tell me friend, why did you do it?
“Spider”: Do wha-
Bubba gets up close to “Spider” and starts growling.
“Spider”: Calm down there kitty cat, I don’t know whatcha talking about! I was only in that Fightgrounds? Battlerumble? Because I looked vaguely Asian, don’t cha know.
Mugen: Really now?
“Spider”: It’s the truth! There was a poster about it at the Arby’s I was at too, thats how you know its true. Something about being a double for the “most powerful” wrestler out there.
Mugen strokes his chin. Drago grits his teeth and starts to get angry. He rips his shirt off.
Drago: Powerful????
Mugen suddenly puts on a fake gray beard and what looks to be a sorcerer’s robes. He pushes the desk to Drago’s direction.
Mugen: T E S T
Mugen: Y O U R
Mugen: M I G H T
A LEGALLY DISTINCT version of the Mortal Kombat theme begins playing, “Spider” looks thoroughly confused.
“Spider”: Are you guys alright there?
Drago walks up to the desk and puts his hands together. He starts breathing heavily as the rest look on. His eyes widen before he raises his arm.
Drago: AIIIIIUUUUGGGHHHHH
He strikes the desk, causing it to break in half. He bows as Bubba and Mugen golf clap.
Mugen: Brava! An absolutely EXQUISITE showing!
“Spider”: I’m getting a little frightened here!
Bubba gets out of the couch as Drago sits in his place.
Drago: Is no reason to be scared!
The tuba player for the Limp Bizkit cover band bellows out a large burp.
Mugen: It was just a demonstration of what’s going to happen to the tag team champions soon enough!
“Spider” breathes a sigh of relief as he thinks it’s all over. However, he doesn’t notice the 400 pound lion creeping up behind him. Drago and Mugen’s eyes widen.
“Spider”: What?
Bubba opens his mouth and the head of “Spider” sits firmly between his jaws.
“Spider”: Why is it moist in here all of a sudden?
The camera pans to the announce team.
Well then!
I KNEW IT!
We go backstage where Papa Kass has separated himself from everyone who isn’t a Kasstianity follower, He sits upon his throne as Francis and 2 other ghoul priest stand at the altar calling upon Kasstians to rise and pay penance to their lord and savior.
A woman stands and comes to the altar,
Women: Forgive me Papa, for I have been having unfaithful thoughts.
The woman continues on with her confession but upon his throne Kassidy’s mind is elsewhere and her words are falling on deaf ears, until he hears a specific name,
Woman: Nomad
Kassidy: Stop!
Kassidy leans forward in his seat,
Kassidy: That name means literally nothing and then man behind it means even less, just look at the man’s history. He was a “vampire” in which time he avoided fighting me, then he was a pirate in which both he was a Follower not a Leader.
Kassidy: And now the man is some loner biker but bikers aren’t loners, they often have clubs so before you buy into anything the man says, remember he is probably already following someone on a bike in front of him.
Kassidy: I am a Leader, I came in and tamed Ragnarok because I was the alpha when we dropped Parker Stevens on his head.
Kassidy: I was mind controlled into the Purge and broke free, eventually getting my revenge on Mugen by taking the OCW World Heavyweight Championship and since have been one of thee longest reigning champions in the history of this company.
Kassidy: You sit in your seat tonight and watch as I put down Shepherd.
Kassidy: I am sure Shepherd has some grand idea that with his tag partner winning the Pride Championship last week, that this week he is going to stroll on down to that ring and beat the World heavyweight Champion to show the world he isn’t the weak link in that team but he has another thing coming.
Kassidy: Some bad news in the form of a new scripture, thou shall Never Beat ME!
Kassidy leans back into his chair,
Francis: Amen!
Francis: As papa has spoken, Nonads is nothing but a false idle in which you should not put faith into.
Francis: Meanwhile the Shepherd isn’t stepping into the ring with a sheep like he is use to but the wolf in which he has no protection against.
Francis: Say one our papa and three hail ryus.
The camera pans to the announce team.
Chilling!
Thats coming up soon but first!
Scene opens from a sky view of dimly lit street. A white husky male can be seen running across the screen. Camera pans to a different angle & it's OCW 2k19 ratings guru Rick.
A fence cuts off Rick movement & he's trapped. Hooded man with a blue hoodie, & blue mask appears from the shadows. Hooded man is touting a bow & arrow. Rick drops to knees & begins to beg.
Rick- Please, don't kill me man. I got 6 cats at home, you look like you love cats. I'm still a virgin, let me at least sniff some chow chow before I die. You don't have to do this..
Hooded Man- Rick Carlson, you have failed this city!! *begins to pull the arrow tight*
Rick covers his face & continues to beg
Rick- Wait, wait, wait! What is that you want. I'll give you whatever you want just don't hurt me.
Hooded Man- AC Cobra, 2k19 rating. Why is it a 67? Why!!!
Rick- Frankly, he just sucks. *hooded man pulls the arrow tighter* I mean that's what he's....
Rick, stands up & begins to dust himself off. He adjust his glasses & burst out laughing.
Rick- Cobra, is that you? You could've at least removed your nifty name tag. *points*
Camera zooms in on the name tag. It's a Gamestop name tag & it says "Cobra" on it.
Hooded Man- Damn it! *removes his mask & hood* Rick, my rating last season was much higher then this? What the hell man. I thought we was better then this.
Rick- We are better then this but you're not. Let's take a peek shall we? *whips out tablet* This is a number correlation to show you how we got to our numbers. You was flat out average in all categories. You had another subpar performance...Again
Cobra- I get it
Rick- No, you don't at all. I love your Twitch channel by the way, awesome stuff. *Cobra nods* Let's take a look at rookie sensation Quartz for a second. He's so dreamy, you think you could fetch me an autograph? Nevermind, look at his stuff compared to yours.
Cobra snatches the tablet & reviews the cross comparison.
Cobra- An 86?! Raggy? The hell am I doing wrong?
Rick- Everything. You need to look deep inside you and find that inner dog.
Cobra- Only thing inside me right now is two steak Gordita's from Taco Bell.
Rick- Hot or mild sauce?
Cobra- Hot always hot.
Rick- That's besides the point. Find your zone and stay locked in. I'm tired of having these come to Jesus moments every year about your ratings. Get your stuff together man.
Cobra & Rick dap each other up.
Cobra- Sorry, for running down on you like this. Just ordered this gear off Amazon wanted to test it out.
Rick- *laughs* It's alright man, just don't let this happen again.
Cobra- Cool. Hey, you think you can call me an Uber? This damn thing doesn't come with any pockets so I left my cellphone at home.
