THIS IS PERSONAL
EMP
vs.
TIFFANY SENSATION
As OCW and the fans continue to celebrate the 19th Anniversary the only way they know how--chaotic violence--a man who knows violence all too well makes his entrance.
Palkha Aadne walks down the ramp, flanked by the “dulcet” tones of The Hu’s Wolf Totem. He reaches the ring and grabs a mic.
Palkha: You thought last week would be enough to keep me down? I can admit when there's a better man across from me, but that isn't you, goon. You can keep kicking my ass, I’ll just keep kicking yours. There's one way this ends, and it's a match. So come on out here and give me one!
Sure enough, the production department cranks dat accordion boy, and Boulet saunters out, hockey stick in hand… he must be buying a new one every show.
He stops midway down the ramp before responding, keeping a minimum safe distance of approximately five KD Angelos laid down end-to-end.
PB: You know, like a typical bullheaded European lunatic who was shanking people with Calypso bottles in backstreets for a pack of smokes and a scratch ticket before ‘e was ‘ired by OCW, you are usually both wrong and stupid.
PB: But this time, you are right. I need this roadblock out of my way before I can once again challenge for the North American championship. This locker room ambushing animol with a name even the people signing the cheques can’t bother to spell!
Palkha: You better stop thinking about that title and stop looking over me, because I’m more than a roadblock, I'm a whole goddamn blockade. I’m a career ender… and I want you in a career ending match… a Scum City Deathmatch!
The crowd pops at the mention of the unsanctioned, unholy, unsanitary, frankly unwise match that’s only been held a mere handful of times before, for good reason! Boulet on the other hand, does not look as enthused, shaking his head violently, hair swooshing in the wind.
PB: Non, non, non. What are you, crazy!? I--literally--just talked about alleyway stabbings, and you want an alleyway stabbing match??? Get out of ‘ere. I am NOT doing that. You take your outlaw mudshow crap back to the indies, bruddah, I am a former champion, I do not ‘ave to do that for a paycheque anymore.
The crows voice their displeasure for Boulet trying to deny them their favorite outlaw mudshow crap.
Palkha: Aren't you supposed to be the goon? The dirty enforcer who’d do whatever it takes? From our match and how you talk, I’m starting to think you might be some trust fund baby faking the whole thing.
PB: ‘OW DARE YOU. When Viktor Karmine did ‘is Gawker journo boolsheet, you saw my ‘ome, you saw my country, you saw ‘ow we do it in Quebec! Just because I am not suicidal does not mean I am not TOUGH, Mongol boy.
PB: I ‘ave a counter-offer. Instead of a Scum City Deathmatch… we have a Stanley Cup Lumberjack Match! Just you and me, inside of a NORMAL RING WITH NO BARBED WIRE OR EXPOSED BOARDS OR C4 OR RUSTY NAILS OR USED CONDOMS… and my old team all around the ring to keep us honest.
Palkha: You must think I'm stupid, because they would be there to keep ME honest, because that’d have the deck stacked all the way in your favor! Screw your stacked stip.
Boulet looks around at the crowd and shrugs.
PB: Well, what the ‘ell are we going to do, then? Keep beating each other up backstage until someone gets suspended?
Both men are interrupted by someone clearing their throat over the arena audio system. The camera pans up as both men look to the titantron, where Drago Cesar is scratching his nose.
Drago: Hello? This thing on?
Boulet squints and Palkha leans on the ropes.
Drago: AHEM. Yes. Suspending is annoying. Much paperwork. As famous man who could not illustrate change once say, “don’t piss me off,” yes?
Drago points down at Boulet.
Drago: You mad you feel scam out of money, yes?
Boulet crosses his arms and nods.
Drago points up at Palkha.
Drago: You want the plunder to beat with, yes?
For some reason, the word “beat” is bleeped out and a JPEG of Mr. Sensation’s face appears on the screen over Drago’s mouth. Palkha looks confused but nods.
Drago: If you want money so bad, why not have ladder match for it? I’m don’t think is a lot after exchange rate….Twenty bucks maybe? But hey, thought is what count right?
PB: THE EXCHANGE RATE IS NOT THAT BAD!
Palkha: Drago… that's a good idea. Paul, I am going to bury you under a stack of ladders, just like I buried you in our last match. I, PALKHA AADNE, will CRUSH you and your pride!
PB: FINE. You want the ladder, you get the ladder. Just don't come crying when you get the ladder to the face, eh! And I am going to walk out with the briefcase full of cash I never should ‘ave lost to you in the first place!
Boulet tosses the mic and walks back up the ramp as the scene fades out, the crowd excited for the newly made match even if it's not going to involve Scum, death or Calypso.
OCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS
GRIT & GLORY
vs.
FUTURE IDIOTS