Archer comes stumbling round the corner, dabbing at his bleeding mouth as in the background various underlings of UAE can be seen keeping their distance, not wanting to irk him further. He stumbles a little, a child, somehow lost and having found its way backstage giggles.
Child: That was funny mister.
Archer wheels like an angry buffalo and just screams at the child.
Archer: Get the absolute fuck away from me you little goblin!
The child drops his soda and bursts into tears, fleeing the scene bawling his eyes out as Archer kicks the soda after him, hoping to bean him in the head, fortunately it misses.
It does however slide under a curtain from which voices can be heard. Archer collects himself and charges through the curtain, somehow coming through the production side with a straight line to the commentary table.
He marches straight over and hurdles the barricade, seizing a microphone from the timekeeper before mounting the table directly in front of the owner, Jaysin Sensation.
Frantically, he points to the ring.
Archer: Oh, you want me to get down? You know what just went down, your god damned viewership! Did you see what happened to me there earlier tonight? Right, you can see, right? You don’t struggle to remember things that happened less than forty minutes ago, right? You have eyes, you’re not relying on Jake audio describing the absolute screwjobs that you allow to occur in this organisation so you can then just parrot what he says.
Archer: I. Was. Robbed. A lumberjack got involved in ongoings inside the ring, the match should instantly be null and void, and you should ring that bell and personally… Personally! Announce me as still the reigning and forever defending Pride champion. Or are you just going to sit there until some schmuck shows up and screams ‘battle for control’ in your stupid old face!
Archer drops his hands by his side, breathing heavily with sheer anger as he waits for Sensation to make things right.
Mr. Sensation: First the satellites and now this… Listen chubs. Number One don’t you ever in your life think you can come out here and demand anything from me. You might be financially secure but that doesn’t mean I won’t bury you in the ground atop your gold bullion and whatever else you have hoarded away in your tower of failure.
Mr.Sensation: Number Two you don’t get to make demands of me or OCW or the Fans or Staff or anyone in between. Let's talk about FACTS TOM! You were the OCW PRIDE CHAMPION, FACT! You DID NOT DEFEND THE TITLE FOR OVER 5 MONTHS, FACT!
YOU LITERALLY BRIBED AN OCW OFFICAL AND STUPID ASS CORT MARSHALL, FACT! YOU ARE NO LONGER THE OCW PRIDE CHAMPION, FACT!
Mr.Sensation: A few months ago I had this grand idea after you busted into my office and demanded to be granted equal standing among today's greats. You even went as far as to defeat the OCW World Champion Rust Cohle to prove a point last season! But you know what you didn’t do?
Mr.Sensation: You didn’t become King of OCW, in fact you got taken out first round! and when tasked with showing a modicum of integrity and defending the Prestigious Pride Championship you decided to choose greed and deception.
Mr.Sensation: So no Tommy you don’t get to dictate anything, you don’t get to complain and wax poetic about the fact that THESE PEOPLE VOTED FOR LUMBERJACKS!
Mr.Sensation: We gave power to the people Tom Boy and the people have spoken. So take your lily white ass back up stage before I file an injunction on your ass, and maybe JUST MAYBE grow a sack!
Mr.Sensation: And maybe just maybe I will… nay WE will OCW WILL give you the opportunity for this “Thomas Archer World War Tour” Matter fact because I am a kind and generous man I know exactly who your first opponent will be!
Mr.Sensation: So stay tuned and hit the showers!
Archer sneers.
Archer: You listen to me you senile Hispanic Hobbit! With your mental gymnastics and...
Mr.Sensation yells: BITCH I'M TALLER THAN YOU!
Archer looks him up and down, the pair blink at each other before Archer continues.
Archer: Ahem just because you don’t understand the rules of the very matches you allow to…
Archer pauses, because he’s quite clearly getting his way, just in a roundabout manner. He holds up his hands apologetically and smiles.
Archer: Forgive my transgression and thank you kindly for the opportunity. If a kid tries to sue, blame Spider.
At that, Archer bows and departs the table, rubbing his hands together as Jaysin Sensation can be seen berating him off camera.
Jake Allen: Back to the action!
PIRATE STREAM! Emp!
A small portion of the Locke & Key crew are sitting backstage watching Colin and Archer's segment from the previous week, eyes wide as TV Colin insults Archer and starts to leave.
L&K Crew 1: Oh god, he's done, Archer can't let him leave after that, we're done.
A door in the backstage area opens suddenly, and Colin Locke comes through, brushing snow off his jacket. He looks between the group of people and the TV for a moment, wondering why he's on TV before addressing the group.
Colin: Yeah, sorry I'm late, guys. Travel was a bloody nightmare, had to get back from Archer's place and make it here on time, far too many plane journeys, too much snow, it was absolute shambles.
L&K Crew 2: Wait, Archer's here tonight, how'd he get here before you?
Colin: You guys saw that, right?
He gestures up to the TV, and the camera pans over to show the end of the segment.
TV Colin: -the other belts you wish you had.
Actual Colin: Yeah, see, look at that, guy bloody hates me, wasn't gonna let me use his private jet or whatever to get in time, he's probably hiding a teleporting thing, or some other piece of technology on his island. Can't trust billionaires, man, cannot do it. They can make anything way too hard to do.
L&K Crew 1: You think Archer's behind the redirected connecting flights and the poor public transport in snowy areas?
Colin raises an eyebrow for a second and cocks his head to the side, thinking. He chooses his next words carefully.
Colin: I mean... Well, I'm not saying it was Archer, but... I dunno. I'm not saying it wasn't, you see what I'm saying? The US can't be so broken that I've gotta spend a week battling snow and planes to get somewhere, right? Eh, either way, budge up, guys.
Colin takes his jacket off after shaking the remaining bits of snow off of it, and goes to sit with the group.
Colin: And change the channel, I wanna catch the rest of Chill Faktor, hope I've not missed too much, wanted to at least catch the Parca match.
The camera zooms in dramatically on the TV as the channel is changed to show Chill Faktor, and the Pay-Per-View continues.
OCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
DOMINION vs. LUCHA COUNTRY