LAST MAN STANDING
WREX vs. B17*
The Camera pans to the announce team!
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HOW CAN THEY WALK! |
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HOW ARE THEY ALIVE! |
We turn to the P3 Soundstage for the newest edition of the P3 Bonanza. It seems to be a bit of an awkward start. Drago and Bubba are seated at the couch, “Fred” is stationed behind the drumset, and Mugen is seated at his desk with Mac. However, Mugen looks to be reading the latest issue of OCW Magazine, the giant book covering up most of his face.
Drago: Uh…..We live Mugen.
No response from his friend. Bubba awkwardly licks his paw to try to pass the time. The lack of energy causes “Fred” to sweat, wondering whether or not to start beating on the drums to fill the void.
The Sensational Impersonator: What’s wrong with y’all muthaf****s???
Drago tilts his head to see a nasty grimace affixed to Mugen’s face, his hands shaking in rage.
Drago: You ok buddy?
Mugen throws the magazine on the desk.
Mugen: BLASEPHEMY! HOGWASH! DUMMYSPEAK!
Mugen turns to Drago.
Mugen: Old sport! This is slander! This stupid magazine is saying that I, the Sultan of Safety, am NO LONGER the safest person in the HISTORY of OCW.
Bubba and Mac put their thinking caps on (by that I mean the propeller caps those kids wear) and do their best impressions of the thinking emoji. A confused Drago plays along.
Drago: Who could possibly be safer than you?
Mugen: According to this poll, the safest man in OCW is none other than….
Mugen shows off the offending page to the crowd. The first place winner of the poll is Wrex by a very narrow margin, with Mugen just below him.
Mugen: PARKER STEVENS!
He throws the magazine on the ground. He demands that the hard camera zoom in on him as he points at the screen.
Mugen: UGHHHHH PARKER STEVENS. OR WREX WHATEVER HIS NAME IS NOW. FIRST OF ALL, I DON’T UNDERSTAND THE NAME CHANGE. IT’S NOTHING CLOSE TO PEESTEE OR WHATEVER OTHER NICKNAME YOU HAVE HAD.
Mugen picks up the magazine off the ground only to toss it back down in a huff.
Mugen: AGHHHHHHH. HOW IS HE THE SAFEST?! DOES HE KNOW HOW TO DROP SOMEONE ON THEIR NECK BETTER THAN ME?! NOPE. DOES HE KNOW HOW TO KICK SOMEBODY IN THE HEAD WITH ONLY A MINOR CONCUSSION?! NOPE, I BET HE GIVES THEM A MAJOR CONCUSSION. HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO BREAK SOMEONE’S ARMS SAFELY.
Mugen picks up the magazine off the ground only to toss it back down and starts stomping it out like a fire.
Mugen: I WANT WHOEVER WROTE THIS DAMN ARTICLE IN MY OFFICE TOMORROW!
Drago: Wow, uh….I’m see why you upset. But I’m know what make you feel better. SPIDER UPDATE!!!!!
Mac barks as we are sent back to the Cube to see Spider banging his head against one of the walls in desperation as robot Mugen and Drago watch.
Robot Mugen: Would you like a bandage for your head?
Spider: NO. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Robot Drago: We cannot do this. But we can provide more entertainment.
Spider: STOP!!!!
Suddenly, Graham Greene III teleports into the cube, wearing glasses and a turtleneck. Like he’s a black Kenny G or something. Interestingly, he has a kazoo in his hand.
GGIII: I’m like a black Kendrick Lamar or somefin.
Spider: NO!
GGIII: For my performance today, I am going to play Good Kid, M.A.A.D City for you on the kazoo.
Spider: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
GGIII starts playing the first track with the kazoo to the frustration of Spider who starts running in circles.
The scene comes back to a still fuming Mugen and Drago back in the P3 Soundstage.
Mugen: Not going to lie, that does certainly make me feel better today. At least, I’m not Spider am I right?
Drago: You very right comrade.
Drago picks up the OCW Magazine from the ground and hands it to Mugen.
Drago: Remember, we all know you are still safest. Isn’t that right everybody?
The loyal studio audience agrees and in unison says “That’s right!”. Mugen bows to the adoring crowd.
Mugen: You know there is literally only one other thing that I need to do to make me feel all better about this today.
Drago: What’s that?
Mugen throws the magazine like a rocket right into the crowd striking The Sensational Impersonator right in the face.
The Sensational Impersonator: MADDAFU---
The Camera pans to the announce team!
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Live action Looney Tunes! |
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Someday someone is gonna get hurt! Well hurt more than usual! |
EXTREME RULES
TRE GOLDEN vs. H20*
The Camera pans to the announce team!
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WHAT A MATCH! |
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I cannot belive what I just witnessed! |
The scene opens inside the women’s locker room as Stacy Clark is interviewing Valkyrie
Stacy Clark: Valkyrie. This was a disappointing night for you.
Valkyrie: Not necessarily, OCW is unpredictable and we all know it. Ashley dominated most of the match, but I was close to making a comeback in the end, but ultimately I failed and she won.
Stacy Clark: Yes but what about…
Valkyrie puts her index finger on the lips of Stacy Clark and she immediately pipes down.
Valkyrie: I don’t care. I have something more important to talk about.
Valkyrie puts her hand on her belly.
Valkyrie: I am pregnant.
Valkyrie: Therefore I am officially retiring from active competition.
In that very moment, Ashley Moore storms inside the locker room and throws a tantrum.
Ashley Moore: Why this farce? You only made this up so that you don’t look like a loser, didn’t you?
Valkyrie: What do you mean farce? I’ve lost to you clean, one on one. You were better than me, no excuses. I don’t know what else to say to you?
Ashley Moore: And again you are lying. The Valkyrie I know would never say this.
Valkyrie: If you don’t want to believe me, why don’t you believe this?
Valkyrie shows Ashley a picture of the ultrasound image. Ashley snaps it out of her hand and looks at it. After what seems like an eternity she gives it back to Valkyrie, then sits on one of the benches in the room and starts to cry.
Ashley Moore: So you are gone for real?
Valkyrie: I’ve never lied about this type of stuff. Back in December I said I was going to become a part timer and I did. Now it’s time for me to leave and start a new chapter in my life.
Ashley Moore: And you will become a mother?
Valkyrie: I guess that’s how this thing is supposed to work, yes.
Ashley then gets up and hugs Valkyrie.
Valkyrie: They say you get back from OCW what you’ve put in and I got virtually everything a person could get out of this company. Every award, every accolade, every rivalry and match I could think of. My stomach is full. There is, simply put, nothing else for me to do.
Valkyrie: Me and you, we have been going at it for over two years. TWO years, Ashley. It is quite a long time. We have said everything we could have said to each other, we did everything we could have done to each other.
Valkyrie: We started with you being the narcissist and me being the goodie two shoes, then you became the Hero and I became the Social Media bandwagon, now the roles are inverted again… it feels like a never ending cycle, but it has to end at some point.
Valkyrie: It’s time for me to move on to other things now. Congratulations for your win, you’ve earned it.
Valkyrie playfully taps Ashley’s forehead then picks up her bag and gets ready to leave.
Valkyrie: I can't believe I am actually going to say this but… I will miss you.
Ashley Moore: …
Valkyrie kisses Ashley on the forehead.
Valkyrie: Empress has moved on and it’s time for me to do the same. I will miss both of you. It’s been an amazing ride and I was honored to share every moment with you two.
Valkyrie smirks and glares at Ashley Moore one last time before walking out of the scene.
The Camera pans to the announce team!
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*Salute* Such a force in the women's division, She will sorely be missed! |
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*Salute* |