We are live backstage at Consequences, this time in front of the camera is a hyped up looking Mark Reese who simply takes the microphone for himself and is set to face El Parca later on tonight for sole custody of the OCW Undisputed Tag Team Championships.
Reese: Y’know my daddy said to me, son, sometimes you have friends who are more like family, and family who are more like friends… And I wholeheartedly agree with him.
Reese shakes his head.
Reese: Then you get those yellow bellied types, y’know, the ones that never were your friends, the snakes in the grass, the foxes that got into the chicken coup…
Reese raises his voice and points right into the camera
Reese: El Parca! That’s you, the salt in my eyes, the crow at the corn… You came into my life with one intention, and one intention only… To drag my family through the mud and skim as much as you could off the top.
Reese: That all ends tonight, because as hard as times have been for the Reese family, that big ol’ Lucha rain crowd is about to get slammed by some hot country winds and it’s gonna clear up. BE BLOWN AWAY!
Reese shakes his head again, smiling a little.
Reese: And my mama told me son, if someone wrongs you, if someone does you harm, you turn the other cheek. You be a good Christian, but let me tell you somethin’ Parca, you didn’t just cross me… You crossed my entire family. I turned the other cheek, I grit my teeth and dug my hands into the soil…
Reese grins.
Reese: The Reaper… That’s your name Miguel, and all a reaper does is take, and take… But now it’s time for YOU to reap what you have sown… Saddle up.
Reese prepares his final line, looking left, right and then straight at the camera.
Reese: It’s fightin’ season.
Reese politely hands the microphone back over to a stagehand before heading off down the hall, smacking his own face, getting hyped up as we go back to the action.
Chris Greene is seen alone, looking down at his phone as he walks through the backstage area. He decided to show up because that’s what good workers do, and also John had a match so he wanted to see it live. He sighs.
Chris: We really messed up last week, didn’t we?
Chris mutters to himself as he walks into the locker room, seating himself on a bench. He laid a hand on his knee, it was not quite what it used to be after all. Years of not caring for his personal safety definitely caught up.
It’s why he began working a safer style and teaming with John. He stood up and looked at the lockers, remembering how just a few months ago John had been punching these things in his hissy fits. Since then, all momentum had come to a halt and John was the only thing they had going for them. Chris sighed again.
???:Hey, Greene!
Chris:Huh?
BAM!
As Chris began to turn around, a steel chair collided with his face. The impact sends him off his feet and to the floor, a thud echoing out beneath the landing. He doesn’t have much time to react to anything, and is visibly confused amidst the pain from being smacked in the face with steel. A hooded, masked figure stands over top of him, holding the chair.
???: Didn’t you get the memo that you weren’t booked, rookie?
???: You shouldn’t have bothered coming here, because all you’re getting is more of this. Oh, and go ahead and cry to John about it after, what’ll he do?
???: Nothing. He doesn't give a damn about you, and neither do Elliot & Dylan! So go on, see what happens when you run to them. Hell, what can they do? ...You don’t even know who’s hitting you, buddy.
The figure raises the chair over his head and continues wailing on Chris until Chris is left in a crumpled heap on the floor. The figure spits on the floor next to Chris, before turning and leaving.
CUSTODY OF THE OCW TAG CHAMPIONSHIP!
EL PARCA* vs. MARK REESE*
A school bell rings, and we’re taken to the P3 Soundstage, full of desks that look like they belong in an elementary school. Stationed at these desks are Drago Cesar, Mugen, Bubba, Mac and Tosh, “Fred”, and GGIII.
Young Ryan wheels in a giant chalkboard and wipes his brow. His moment of respite is interrupted by EMP jumping in and kicking him in the gonads so hard, he flies into the crowd.
She’s wearing a typical school teacher outfit, complete with a plaid suit jacket, a skirt that looks like it was made out of ice cream frosting, and a pair of glasses with lenses larger than her own face.
EMP: Class is in session! Welcome one and all to P3 PROMO SCHOOL!
Everyone in attendance claps. Mugen starts making gorilla noises but EMP takes a ruler straight to his desk.
EMP: No gorillas allowed!
Mugen makes a brief gorilla noise again before he folds his hands.
EMP: We’ve had an influx of rookies flooding this great company! And while their AMBITION is strong, their promo game leaves something to be desired. Therefore….Lesson 1!
EMP doodles a stick figure ripping a microphone out of another stick figure’s hands.
EMP: Always rip the microphone out of the interviewer’s hand. This promo is about YOU, not them. Let’s see if someone can show us…..
She walks around the classroom, seeking out a potential victim. Drago keeps his head low, looking at the floor.
Drago: I not here. I not here. I not here.
EMP: DRAGO!
Drago: Shet. I have to go to bathroom.
EMP: You just went three minutes ago.
The “Best in the World” grumbles as he rises out of his seat. He looks back to see Mugen laughing hysterically at him and lightly beating his chest like a gorilla. EMP takes a mic and Drago joins her at center stage.
EMP: Drago, last week you were viciously attacked by Young Ryan backstage. The doctors said you were comatose but here you are tonight, what do you have to say?
Drago: Young Ryan….
EMP: DRAGO! THE MIC!
Drago: Oh yeah.
He tries to take the mic from EMP but for whatever reason, she keeps holding on to it.
Drago: Can I have the mic please!
She gets in his face.
EMP: I’m a f***ing lunatic interviewer that DESPISES when people take the spotlight away from me. So no, you canno-
Drago wrenches the mic away with both hands but EMP responds with a slap to Drago’s face and takes the mic back.
EMP: YOU are going to have to work for the micro-
Drago looks like he is about to return with a slap of his own but stops mere inches away from her cheek and pries the mic out of her hand with speed and force rivaling that of Bill Pine. Mugen is still giggling to himself as he watches the turn of events.
EMP: Excellent! Now finish the promo on me.
Mugen: FINISH HERRRRRRRRR
Mugen starts making gorilla noises as Drago stares intently at EMP about to say something.
Drago: YOUNG RYAN. I’M GONNA MAKE THAT COLONOSCOPY YOU HAD FEW DAYS AGO LOOK LIKE CHILD PLAY. CAUSE AT SUMMERCIDE, I’M GONNA TAKE MY FIST AND RAM IT UP YOUR [REDACTED] AND BREAK YOUR GATDAM SPINE!!!!!
The camera pans to the shocked faces of the whole class except for Mugen who looks like he’s about to burst into laughter and he starts clapping.
Mugen: KILLED IT SON!
The camera pans to EMP who looks like she is about to shed a tear.
EMP: That was the most amazing promo I’ve heard since the last amazing promo I heard.
EMP motions for Drago to take his seat and Drago puts his head down as he walks back to the desk with a slight smile on his face. “Fred” holds his fist out for a pound but Drago doesn’t see it and “Fred” bumps himself.
EMP: Next lesson, Lesson 2!
EMP holds up two fingers as Mugen yells “2”!!!!
EMP: Bury your opponent so deep the grim reaper can’t find him.
Everybody except for Mugen is taking notes intently as he actually starts to yawn.
EMP: Am I boring you Mugen?
Mugen: Sorry, you aren’t boring me. But this class is boring me.
EMP jumps over in front of Mugen’s desk and slaps his hands with a ruler to the shock of Mugen.
EMP: Say that again.
Mugen: Ummmmmm, just saying, that I am an amazing promo cutter already and this is kind of a pointless class to me.
EMP takes her ruler and slaps his hands again forcing him to jump back and shake the pain out of his hands.
Mugen: Jesus Christ woman, fine I’m sorry.
EMP: That’s right. And as punishment you are going to have to come up to the front of the class.
Mugen: Aw man, do I really have to?
Mugen sheepishly walks up to the front of the class and looks at EMP.
Mugen: What you want me to do?
EMP looks at Young Ryan and points at him.
EMP: Bury him, with your words.
Mugen smirks as he picks up the microphone.
Mugen: YOUNG RYAN! You know why it is unfair for us to be in a match together? Because I could beat you with one arm tied behind my back, my feet tied together and DOING LONG MULTIPLICATION AT THE SAME DAMN TIME. YOU ARE SO PATHETIC THAT EVEN YOUR MOM DOESN’T ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR EXISTENCE ANYMORE.
Mugen: YOUR PET HAMSTER RAN AWAY AND HAD TO BE SAVED BY DRAGO BECAUSE HE SAID HIS OWNER WAS BITCH MADE! THE HAIR ON YOUR HEAD IS RUNNING AWAY FROM YOUR FACE BECAUSE YOU UGLY! MAC BOI OVER HERE COULD PROBABLY TACKLE YOU AND PIN YOU FOR A 10 COUNT YOU SOFT ASS BITCH! I AM ACTUALLY ANGRY I’M IN THE SAME ROOM AS YOU BECAUSE I HAVE TO LOOK AT THAT UGLY MUG. BYAHHHHHHHHHHHH
A pile of bones wearing a giant black robe and wielding a scythe appears on stage and looks left and right.
Mr. Bones: Anyone seen Young Ryan?
Retrospect.
A flickering candle comes into view on the screen as the flame dances, casting shadows all round the four walls surrounding it. The flame’s life force diminishes to nothingness as the trail of grey smoke snakes it’s way into a spiral.
Val: Cast your minds back to the glitz and the glamour of Wrestlelution, where in particular steel and flesh found it’s communion together in the women’s Future Investment ladder match. A woman who tasted the cold edge many times was the meek and pensive Valcano..
Val: I look back now and laugh - how stupid I was to be sucked into the adoration of the fans..I don’t need anyone’s praise but my own.
One woman that found herself to be the thorn in my side in that match was none other than the woman known simply as Blaine.
Two weeks ago you got what was coming to you - the unsuspecting naive girl took great solace in the pain and suffering you dished out… and it’s only fair you get your fair share of punishment, right?
The thing is though…I am inside your head now and that is where I will lay for now, just to make you check your doors one final time when you go to bed, or turn that bedside lamp on in the middle of the night when you hear footsteps…
I am in and you can’t get me out.
The candle bursts into seemingly new life in a split second, as the wax starts to drip onto the floor in huge bubbling masses and pools into a crucifix on the ground.
Val: Your card is marked, your time is fleeting…