DREAM MATCH
LEO GRIMM vs. K.DANGELO
We turn to an empty P3 Soundstage. The hard camera scrolls all around to find not a single soul around. A moment passes. Nothing. Another moment passes. Not a sound.
A third moment passes. A tumbleweed skips past the soundstage. Eventually, the set implodes as it turns out we are in the backyard of Mugen’s palatial estate! Mugen and Drago arrive with chainsaws in hand, tearing down the remainder of the set as debris flies all around the neighborhood.
P3 toss their chainsaws aside and greet their audience, seated on exceptionally fancy organza plastic chairs.
Drago: Welcome one and all…..
Mugen: To the greatest pay-per-view within a pay-per-view……
Drago and Mugen: ENDGAME!
The few dozen or so in attendance clap respectfully, outside of The Sensational Impersonator, who is FURIOUS. He stands up and slams his chair on the ground.
Sensational Impersonator: WHY THE F*** I GOTTA TELL YOU A MILLION TIMES? IT’S END GAMES!!!!!
He stomps his way up to Mugen’s face.
Mugen: Whoa there, personal space old sport.
A nervous Drago holds his hands up.
Drago: You misunderstand! Is like companion piece to show.
Sensational Impersonator: The f*** does that mean?
Drago: You know full name is End Games: The Endgame!
Sensational Impersonator: Oh.
He looks around as if he’s ashamed of his public display of rage.
Sensational Impersonator: Shoulda told me that in the first place.
He walks back to his seat while Drago breathes a sigh of relief.
Mugen: We have come together to witness a show of truly epicly safe proportions! What do we have on the card old sport.
Drago pulls an index card from his pocket and checks it.
Drago: Young Ryan vs. “Fred” in….lightsaber light tube match?
Drago: Two out of three safe falls match between Akita and…..a gorilla.
Drago: And finally, our main event of the day is The Sensational Milk Crate Crane Challenge. Wow.
Mugen: Let’s get things underway!
The camera pans over to a “wrestling ring” that looks as if it’s made out of aluminum, rubber bands for ropes, duct tape, and lost hopes. Young Ryan and “Fred” face off, the eternal rooky wielding a bright green light tube while “Fred” wields a blood red light tube.
Young Ryan: It’s over “Fred”! I have the high ground!
POP! “Fred” smashes the light tube over Young Ryan’s head.
Young Ryan is screaming bloody murder as the glass shards start to open up small cuts on his forehead.
Young Ryan: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I CAN’T DO THIS HOW DO YOU IDIOTS ENJOY THIS?
One of the esteemed fans who were invited to End Games: Endgame gets up from his seat and starts chanting Die Ryan Die. The rest of the crowd love it and start to chant along.
Before we know it, there is a deafening Die Ryan Die chant as Young Ryan is seen panicking, trying to cover his ears. He is writhing in agony from the chant on the “mat” of the ring.
At that moment, “Fred” pops up from behind holding a bundle of blood red light tubes with a sinister look on his face.
“Fred”: You know, this is just one of those days that everything sucks and everything’s fu****.
He smashes them across the back of Young Ryan to the delight of the crowd as the “referee” who may have an insane resemblance to MMA Referee Legend Herb Dean finally call the match.
“Herb Dean”: He dead man, MATCH IS OVER.
We go back to an elated looking Mugen and Drago who are now getting ready for the next match of the evening. A match between Akita and A GORILLA!
Mugen: Wait a minute. That’s not safe at all.
Drago: What you mean? You said gorilla safe.
Mugen: I mean, if I wrestled a gorilla sure, I’m safe. He’s safe. We are all safe but this match……..
Mugen scratches his chin in thought.
Mugen: Even I have my limits and this is not a safe match, we gotta call it off.
“Herb Dean”: You heard it first! No Contest! On to the next one!
Drago looks really excited as he is seen next to the milk crates that they have set up for The Sensational Milk Crate Crane Challenge. The Sensational Crane, or rather, The Sensational Crane Impersonator (looks like Mr. Sensation’s crane, albeit with a lazily done organza paint job to reflect the P3 brand) appears, holding several milk crates. Graham Greene III is the one behind the cockpit. A row of competitors stands behind the starting line.
Drago: Here are the rules, make it from start to finish of course without falling! Winner will get grand prize of twenty dollar gift card to Sakuraba’s!
A course has already been set up, with GGIII waiting to drop more milk crates to impede the contestants’ progress. However, before Mugen can kick things off, he’s interrupted by his worst enemy!
Smythe D. Wonder (or rather a not so close approximation of the hall of famer) shows up in a tuxedo, clapping. Mugen rushes over to try to strangle him, but Drago holds him back. Mac and Tosh also try to get a piece of him, but Drago somehow manages to hold all of them back as well.
Smythe D. Impersonator: Well well! Sorry to interrupt, but I wanted to announce a very special event…..a show that will eclipse even something as amazing as this show…….a show so great……
Mugen: I’LL KILL YOU!
Smythe D. Impersonator: I’m here to announce…..The Super SDW Cup!!!!!!
Drago: What?
Smythe D. Impersonator: A round robin tournament starring yours truly!!!!!! Ron Portman and I are gonna take OCW back to the top again…...and it’s only a matter of time before I become OCW Champion again…….it’s great guys!!!!!!
Drago can’t contain Mugen and the dogs anymore. Mac and Tosh slip out and jump toward the impersonator, biting him on the crotch.
Smythe D. Impersonator: IT’S NOT GREAT…...IT’S TERRIBLE!!!!!!!
Bubba covers his eyes with his paws in horror. GGIII shifts the crane over to “SDW” ‘s position and pushes a button. The dogs escape while the crane releases a smorgasbord of milk crates that collapse on top of “SDW”. The crowd, as well as the entirety of P3 cheer in excitement.
GGIII: I’m like a black Bob The Builder or somefin’.
OCW INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP
MAXX EDWARDS vs. COLIN LOCKE*