OCW INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIOSHIP
TONY EVERRETT*
vs.
ICEMAN MAC
We come to with Sue Plex mulling around in a communal area, she seems to be rummaging around, fidgeting as she fixes cushions on a couch, she straightens up a rug. As a whole she’s a bundle of nervous energy.
Sue collects herself and takes a huge breath before turning to the camera with an enthusiastic, if not worried, smile.
Sue: Shucks. Thanks for comin’, when I asked for some camera time I didn’t think for a minute they’d give me a lil’ mini-studio all to myself… And yet…
Sue motions to the area around her.
Sue: Here we are! So it’s been a rough couple of weeks and I know y’all have probably been thinkin’ “oh where’s Sue? Did she take her ball home to go be with her wife?” And y’know to be honest with y’all… I’m thinkin’ about doin’ it. This. Is. Hard.
Sue: Bein’ alone on the road, losing, winning, losing… Everythin’ being so gosh darned stop and start. Heck, it feels like I got my own little El Chupacabra followin’ me around snackin on my momentum. Not a goat, the goats are at home and Terra is takin’ great care of those cute little suckers that we rescued from a farm that was goin’ under.
Sue babbles for a little bit about goats before giving her head a wobble.
Sue: Sorry. Farm girl here gettin’ sidetracked talkin’ about livestock. Guess I am somethin’ of a walking stereotype. Now… Where was I… Oh! That’s right. This is hard, and I’m fed up of bein’ the turtle stranded on her back, tired of bein’ the truck stuck in the mid… So I need to look inside of myself and find what it all means, put it all together and make a change because no word of a lie, Sue Plex is getting burnt out like this.
From the side of the camera annoying laughter can be heard as Aries comes strutting into view like a peacock on meth. His laugh turns to big, exaggerated claps.
Aries: Bravo! So brave! Isn’t she brave ladies and gentlemen?
Sue visible becomes more rigid when Aries walks in and her eyes dart around a little, not really knowing what to expect.
Sue: Did… Did I manifest you by talkin’ bout Terra and I’s goats or somethin’?
Aries: Foolish mortal. You do not summon the entity of eternity, he summons you. It was me that brought you here.
Sue: I’m pretty sure my legs brought me here…
Aries: Silence! I have come here out of the goodness of my greatest of all time hearts to offer my condolences on the tragic loss of your wife, Terra Dat-Ass.
Sue rolls her eyes and pinches her nose.
Sue: Give me strength baby Jesus… Okay so one, her name is Daturas. Two. She’s not dead. I quite literally just got off of FaceTime with her. You don’t get to just run around here like a freight train telling them their loved ones are dead because you’ve got a few nuts missing there mister squirrel.
Aries: What is a squirrel; if not a tree goat? My daughter! I know you are suffering, loss is a hard thing to comprehend, even for someone with so much gray matter as you!
Sue is clearly starting to get annoyed but Aries raises a hand.
Aries: Let me explain! In the OCW galaxy there comes a time, a specific period, in which an off screen character entity is declared dead. This time comes to us all and I am afraid it has come to your sweet, sweet, dearly departed wife.
Sue goes to speak up but the demented Aries continue.
Aries: It’s understandable for a newly widowed widow to be in such denial, if anything it’s all part of the grieving process. You are in the denial stage, and I, we, are here to offer you support for that. I am the artificer of an entire system that is set up for support. It’s worked wonders for others, it could work wonders for you, daughter.
Sue slow blinks at Aries.
Aries: I know, it happened to my first son, Colby. He died shortly after Wrestlelution and then that animal, King Henry manifested, wearing his skin, which I am sure is a felony for the record and my impeccable legal team will be looking into that, so I know exactly what you’re going through.
Sue slow blinks again.
Aries: Here, daughter! Take my card!
Aries offers a card to Sue who looks suspicious.
Sue: If I take this… Will you go away?
Aries nods.
Aries: Yes my child, but not because you asked me to, because I want to.
Sue shrugs and takes the card.
Sue: Whatever… I look forward to my peace and quiet.
Aries grins and offers an over the top, elaborate curtsy before departing.
Sue watches on, perplexed.
Sue: That was… Yeah… That was a conversation.
BLOOD FEUD
EMP vs. FURIOSA