In the busiest area backstage, standing on the Cosmic Soapbox of Declaration is no other than Tiberius Octavius Dupree. Yes he is still shirtless, yes his illustrious golden mane still moves to the silent rhythm of the universe. With the posture of a prophet, arms extended he rants to a gathering crowd.
Dupree: I've swam through the forbidden depths of Nomenor to celebrate the first day of the Cresting Bloom. Even the windrunners of the Knights Radiance felt the breeze of my infinite betterness as I charted the cosmos.
Dupree: I tell you men of the milky way, I have returned to wonder you with the wonder of worlds!
Caterers, gophers, enhancement talent, all manner of spectator watch on with puzzling curiosity. Here was a former OCW World Champion, standing shirtless on top a decorated soapbox rambling nonsense.
Dupree: Don't look at me like that, with eyes duller than the minds of dormant void bringers. Is there not a single soul among you who believes?
????: I believe you look like Sampson Paradise.
Tibby spins on his soapbox, facing the direction of the voice. It's no other than the lost father of Ambition, Illuminati. He cracks a classic half smile and steps off the box towards an approaching Illuminati.
Dupree: Believe it or not Sam and I have the same Salarian stylist.
They share and uncomfortable, but not unfriendly stare.
Dupree: Let me get us some tea.
Tibby throws left hand up with an array of awkward hand motions ending in a snap. Suddenly three well dressed men appear from nowhere parting the now defused crowd with 2 chairs and a small table.
Within mere seconds the table was set up with an elaborate laced cloth, 2 tea cups and teapot. Illuminati unphased by the quick set up just takes his seat. Tibby leans over the small table and begins to pour the tea, then seats himself.
Illuminati: You know the 'not wearing a shirt in public to make people feel uncomfortable' is kind of my thing.
Tibby smiles from behind his cup of tea.
Dupree: I didn't mean to embark on gimmick infringement, it's just.... I don't see the point in wearing a shirt if your nipples are glowing with the celestial aura of the cosmos. Am I right?
Dupree: See I have a sheave for my sword, as letting the enlightened dragon see daylight may be fatal to some species. Honestly I barely made it out the skyport with both nipples intact after nearly getting molested by a pack of horny Hardesians.
Illuminati: Ah yes I've galumphed with the Hardesians! I've also momed with the bryllgs too! You know the bryllgs are fun have you met the bryllgs. I like how they borgrove but I much prefer the company of the Bandersnatches!
Dupree: Bandersnatches! Interesting...
He rubs his bearded chin in contemplation.
Dupree: I think I once bullwinkled with their sister spren, fascinating creatures. They smell just like the eyelashes of Parshman from the plains of Pantyworth? Ever been?
Illuminati slams both of his hands on the table and exclaims
Illuminati: PANTYWORTH! There was never a more frabjous fruminous place! The Parshman were astounding but what really stood out to me were the Tumtum Trees and their slithy toves, I've tasted nothing better in this galaxy, have you?
Dupree: Of course, they're quite excellent with a bubbling glass of chull ichor. But I can't with a straight face say it's the best in the galaxy. When you've tasted the embryo of a Vegandangerpuss, you'll see where I'm coming from.
Illuminati reels backwards as if he's just tasted a sour lemon.
Illuminati: The embryo of a Vegandangerpuss?! Are you mad, that's even worse than the boiled testicle of a Jabberwocky! I think all those headshots you've taken during your career have done a number on your Snicker-snack Gland and Tastebuds good sir.
Tibby's brow furrows something fierce, standing slamming his palms on the table.
Dupree: How dare you insult the integrity my snicker-snack! Vegandangerpuss pisses on TumTum toves any day of the week. I've tasted the finest cuisine in all the galaxies. You know nothing of the realities and unrealities I've bathed in. You've never lived through the high storms of Alethcar, like I have!
Illuminati: Pffffffthahahahahaha, the high storms of Alethcar? What were you in a beat up outgrabe? If you had traversed Alethcar in the finest of Caloohs you wouldn't be complaining like a Jubjub!
Dupree: My outgrabe is top of the line, thank you very much. You must of been there before the Great Tragedy of Tranzhumper Jr.. Not even the Stormfather himself could curb my betterness. You need to catch up with the times old friend. I bet you didn't even know the Enkindlers were the descendants of The Grand Gardener L'Dangelo and his mistress.
Illuminati grabs his head with both hands.
Illuminati: What are you even saying! THATS ABSOLUTE NONSENSE you insult Tranzhumper Jr and the Enkindlers by mentioning made up things like "L'Dangelo" in the same breath as them!
Illuminati gets up shaking his head and leaves in a huff.The camera pans over to Djesus who is shaking his head having witnessed the madness.
Djesus: DAYUM! Y'all are straight up frauds.
The Camera pans to OCWFED Commentators Charles Scaggs and "Big" Al Poling.
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He came, he saw, he conquered. Ladies and gentlemen Tiberius Dupree. |
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I'm going to miss him :( |
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Up next our Main Event, it's been a long hard road for Tobin Frost as he looks to become the World Champion. |
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All he has to do is get through Jacob Trance and the Family! |
$$$
OCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
Tobin Frost vs Jacob Trance
Highlight below for the final moments
As Tobin lays lifeless in the ring, the entire Family perform a group hug, the OCW title laid down over Frosts waist, mocking him.
