We fade into the ring, where we see a large table set up in the middle with Versus and the current World Heavyweight Champion, Drago Cesar, sitting opposite each other.
The ring is also lined with officials and security. The crowd is electric, as they've seen this type scenario play out many times. Versus picks up his mic.
Versus: Ladies and gentlemen, nothing to be anxious about here; This is merely just 2 guys signing a piece of paper making their Savage Lands match official.
Drago: No hate!
Versus: No vitriol.
Drago: No anger.
Versus: Only...
Both: Positive energy.
They both laugh as Drago grabs a pen and looks at the contract. He takes a minute to read it from top to bottom as Versus simply glares at him, a bead of sweat starting to drip from his forehead. Drago finally starts signing the contract, only for the pen to slip out of his hand and fall to the mat.
Drago: Shet.
Drago leans in to pick up the pen, but Versus holds a hand up to Drago, prompting the crowd to fall silent. He slowly leans forward and picks it up for him, sliding it to Drago. The hunter nods and gets back to signing the contract. He finally finishes signing it and nervously slides the contract over to Versus.
Drago: I dunno why is very suspense, is very hard even just to sign something without sweat.
Versus: There's a lot of that negative energy surrounding these types of things. Usually around this part, someone will make a snide remark. Y'know, sneak in a "Your Mom" joke or something like that. Then the two guys will kick the crap out of each other, and the people eat it up. But we're not about that life.
Versus confidently takes the pen and starts signing it. He...starts to take a lot of time signing it, leaning in as he's doing it, as if he was fully concentrated on doodling something.
Suddenly, Versus is interrupted by a loud sneeze, causing him to flinch and tear the contract with the pen. He looks at Drago, who is covering his nose with his arm.
Drago: Sorry. We have more copy of this, yes?
Versus breathes a sigh of relief as one of the officials slides him another copy of the contract, which he hastily signs. He passes it over to Drago, who does the same. As soon as Drago finishes, he tosses it to an official, who immediately slides out of the ring.
Drago: Wow. No violence.
Versus: No punches thrown.
Drago: No mom jokes.
Versus: Nobody even flipped over the table!
Both: Wooooow!
Drago and Versus stand up and are face to face.
Drago: This feel wrong.
Versus: I think I know what it is.
Versus makes his way to one end of the table, and points for Drago to take the other end. The men work together to flip the table upside down, gently...the budget for tables at OCW is a fleeting one.
Drago: Chairs?
Versus nods, as both men cautiously put the chairs upside down. Drago leans one against the ropes.
Versus: Nice touch!
Both men look around the ring, at the strategically placed 'strewn about' furniture, and give a satisfied nod at their handy work before shaking hands and making their way out of the ring. When a voice comes shouting over the speakers....
Voice: Nope, nope, this isn't how this facade ends. Not with two time tested warriors walking out of the ring together, respect, friendship and all that other la di da doo doo. NOPE!
Dennis Black walks onto the stage, holding a mic and his titles.
Dennis: This, this whole thing between you two is a lie. You...YOU are lies. Both of you. Especially you, old man.
Versus looks at Drago, and mouths "me?" Drago's eyebrows raise a bit and he nods like "I think so".
Dennis: You think I haven't done my research? I don't know about the VFM days, burning down monastery's, villages? Like, all of a sudden you're a saint...a freaking GOD?!?! You're fooling no-one, especially me because I saw you earlier today...you didn't think anyone saw you, but, I have eyes EVERYWHERE!
Drago looks concerned at a confused looking Versus.
Versus: When I was peeing? I hate to break this to you, but sometimes, you need 4 shakes man. I know there's this 3 shake rule thing, but sometimes, it's just necessar...
Dennis: STOP IT! Revolution Inc is crumbling, but nobody seems to even realize it. Because you, the foundation, are cracked. I saw you on your phone earlier, after Ed handed it to you and said...and I quote, "The plan is coming together beautifully." You laughed like a freaking cartoon villain, and you lead Drago to believe that this you're some sort of gentleman?
Drago: This is true?
Versus: Yeah, but out of context, see...
Dennis: Yeah, see...good word. See. I have friends, that are working right now, so we can "SEE" exactly what was on that phone that Ed gave y...
A nerdy looking kid comes running onto the stage and whispers into Dennis's ear. Dennis stares at Versus and smiles.
Dennis: Well well...looks like my 'friends' know how to do their job quickly and efficiently. *Looks at the kid* You can go now.
The nerdy kid, speaking to Dennis, can slightly be heard over the microphone.
Nerd: The video it's...
Dennis: I said, you can go.
Nerd: But, there's no...
Dennis: I gave you your comic con pass already, now scram.
The nerd shrugs his shoulders and walks off the stage.
Dennis: Finally...now, the truth will be revealed, the bricks of Revolution Inc will begin to crumble, finally. Drago, you're opponent the so-called "leader of Revolution Inc" is a liar, a fake, and he's a master manipulator, here is his plan for you at Savage Lands! Play the video!
The camera pans back to Dennis, with his arms crossed, tapping the microphone off of his forehead. He stops...
Dennis: Are....you...god...damn serious?
Versus: Dude, I told you. Drago, the plan, now that Dennis decided to go ahead and ruin the surprise, was...
Versus turns to Drago.
Versus: I got Bubba his own custom scratching post. It's 20 feet high, 6 feet in diameter and constructed of redwood tree and ship rope...real thick stuff. So he stops ruining yours and my couches. When Ed was looking for the scratching post, he brought this video to my attention, and you know...I can't pass up on something like that.
Drago: Who can?
Versus: Nazis, but that's not the point. It was a surprise, and I hope he likes it. And now, you can get yourself a new couch without being concerned that it's gonna be torn to shreds by Bubbas massive claws.
Drago: Thanks Versus, is very nice of you!
The two men shake hands, go in for a quick man hug, and turn back to Dennis.
Drago: Why you did this? Why you convinced that Rev Inc crumble? That two men can't shake hand after war? You are small man, and not just in literal sense.
Dennis: I'm going to find the lynch pin of Revolution Inc, and when I pull it, you're all going to be exposed for the selfish, worthless frauds that you are. The champ is done here.
Dennis storms off the stage, while Versus and Drago chat a bit in the ring as the camera fades out.
The camera pans to the announce team.
THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP!!!
.,...........................
Jackson M. vs Wrex
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The camera pans to the announce team.
Explosive power!
Good heavens!
scene opens with the Boston dangler himself; large Edward standing by with Stacy. He strokes his magnificent beard and looks down to Stacy who is holding up a mic for the giant.
Ed: all of you know I ain't much for talking. When you are my size people don't want to hear what you gotta say. They want to see you. They want to see you force your will on another man.
Ed: that's what I've done since D’angelo’s fluke at wrestlution. Proving that I'm the true wrecking ball Round here. Cort Marshall, Jett Draven, Hashtag lee, and shepherd are just a few men who have had to pay the price of swollen ass holes since I last saw you KD.
Ed: I know you feel it big man. I see you fighting scared. This Sunday, I'm coming for a war. You better do the same.
Ed: tonight, I'm adding one more name to my list of recent Boston dangler victims. Dennis Black, the caramel midget. Another small guy that you failed to beat is gonna be my next victim. Watch and learn how it's done, son!
Ed storms off.
The camera pans to the announce team.
Everything about this man is sleazy!
You just mad cuz you ain't packing that HEAT!
The X-Tron Flickers On!
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The camera pans to the announce team.
Oh lord!
HE'S BAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
Previously recorded 45 and 1/2 hours after last Riot
What is this place? He thought to himself, it smells like sickness and death. Was he inside the vaginal cavity of Tiffany Ortiz-Sensation?! Then he thought, why would I be in such a disgusting place, plus this room is much much smaller in size.
Hmm…..
Why in the heck is he laid down covered in white sheets, that’s racist. OMG, and he doesn’t mean the greatest stable in OCW History, but seriously Oh My God, where are his pants and socks?!
With his intelligence and honor now in question, Tiberius Octavian Dupree hops to his feet and tries to knee the first thing that moves. Luckily the pudgy woman dressed like a nurse dodges a knee to her second chin. Wait she’s a nurse, this is a hospital!
Why in the name of Kneesus is he in a freaking hospital, he hated hospitals like he hated not having any pants or socks. With his better balls swinging in the air freely he begins to interrogate the pudgy nurse.
BETTERNESS: Where are my pants and socks woman!?
Nurse: Sir if you would calm down, I’ll be glad to answer any questions you have.
Not expecting such politeness, especially after nearly kneecapitating her. Tibby sits on the end of the bed like a good boy.
Nurse: All your belongings are over there.
She points to the small closet behind her, Tibby immediately puts his socks and pants on. Ah that’s better he thought to himself.
Nurse: What’s the last thing you remember Mr. Dupree?
“He with the Iron Knee” ponders. He remembers the guy with the “thinking emoji” sign, then….then. Paul Pugh spit in his hand and then...then everything went black.
BETTERNESS: I kneed to get back to Riot, like now!
Nurse: Riot? You mean the arena where they brought you from? You know that was nearly 2 days ago.
BETTERNESS: Well then this weeks Riot!
Nurse: You’ve been in and out of consciousness since then. You were in shock, the type of shock often accompanied with a traumatic event.
BETTERNESS: Traumatic event! If you were slapped with toxic waste by a fanny pack wearing megalomaniac you’d probably be in a coma for longer than two days woman.
BETTERNESS: Now unless you have any objection to me leaving this god forsaken place, then I’ll gladly be on my way to eating Paul Pugh’s lunch at Savage Lands.
Nurse: Not at all, just make sure you get plenty of rest and make sure that lunch is healthy, Mr. Dupree.
Tibby gives her an incredulous look, possibly because this woman has never seen a healthy lunch in any timeline. The camera fades with the door slamming to the hospital room.
The camera pans to the announce team.
How rude!
RUDE? RUDE? that nurse was conspiring against his Betterness!
We Return to In Yo CRIB w/Trisha Waldrop and special guest CORT MARSHALL! We return to Cort pointing 5 1/4 lbs of American STEEL at our intrepid reporter!
Cort: Well, you're not Asian, so that's good. But I still don't know who the hell you are. Speak up.
Trisha: It's Trisha. Trisha Waldrop. From OCW? We set this up weeks in advance.
Cort lowers the shotgun and stares for a second.
Cort: Oh. So you did. Sorry, I must have been drinking more than usual that day. Please, do come in.
He steps aside from the door and motions with his arm. As they enter, the camera pans across the interior of the first trailer. It's a total period piece. Green shag, brown walls, fake wood everywhere you could possibly put it, and the pervading musty odor of a decomposing decade. There's at least one open can of beer on every flat surface, including two atop the ancient CRT television.
Cort: So.
He throws his arms wide and tosses the shotgun on the couch.
Cort: How do you like my humble abode?
Trisha: Uhm... it's very... unique. Can I get a tour?
Cort: I'd be right happy to.
He smiles, sincerely for once. Moving over to the TV, he speaks in a reverent tone.
Cort: Over here is my complete, 13 season collection of King of the Hill, the best show of all time. Dale Gribble is a personal inspiration of mine, as much a father figure as dear old dad.
Trisha: Is that why you have the DVD's locked in a glass case?
Cort: Oh, it's alarmed, too. That's 300 dollars worth of Americana right there, and you never know what ne'erdowells lurk in the night. S'why I stay up on the roof with a rifle from dusk until 3 am.
Trisha: Uh-huh. Anything else you'd like to show me?
Cort: Well, you know, I am a proper American citizen, which means I have a fetish for two things; cars and guns. I'll take ya to the shootin' range.
The Camera fades as both head to the Shooting Range!
