The light, the presence is so golden it even blinds the aura of his own Betterness. The amount of Better Force pressing against his skin feels like a thousand tiny needles pleasuring his every morsel. Tibby falls to his knees, his award winning knees.
OCW World Lightheavyweight Champion Tiberius Octavian Dupree has never felt like this before. Never has he felt….felt so mediocre. What was going on here? With an instinct of survival he harnesses all the Better Force he could muster to deflect such overness.
But in the blink of an eye it’s subdued, it’s presence toned down and a man stands before Dupree. If you could call him a man, maybe a deity, or god, because his skin is a shiny glittery gold, his hair so long and so golden it looks as if it’s flowing liquid beneath his feet.
Honorably delicate silk socks cover those feet, which are hovering slightly of the ground. Dupree looks up, the camera panning to the figure’s face. The face is his face, but better. How is that possible, a better face than his?
Deity Dupree: You’re probably wondering how, what, who and why….but you should really be wondering is….. WHEN.
His voice, a billion angels talking at once. Dupree just blinks in amazement and awe as a golden thinking silhouette appears then dissipates.
Deity Dupree: When do you become this powerful? When in time do you become this gorgeous, this beautiful…?
Deity Dupree: So beautiful it could melt the minds of the most inactive, the most uniformed, casting them back into void of endless mediocrity they were so disgustingly conceived in.
Deity Dupree: I will answer that for you with a simple answer you can comprehend, NOW.
Tibby gets up and stands in front of Deity Dupree.
Deity Dupree: Right now is the moment you decide whether to remain in the mediocre state your Better Force resides in or you can ascend, ascend passed the title of Galactic Galavanter, beyond that of Kneesus Christ, to ascend beyond that of The Better Force.
Stunned Dupree looks at the golden god with confusion.
Dupree: There is nothing beyond the Better….
It sounds as if a billion devils are laughing at once, Tibby steps back from the maniacal chuckle, off put.
Deity Dupree: Middle-ling…. I’ve already put the pieces in place for your ascension, don’t bother yourself with the antics of Trash Matsumoto, he will be separated from his family, his reputation, all timelines and your OCW Lightweight Championship in one swell swoop.
Finding a bit of his Better Force he brushes the comment aside.
Dupree: I never bother myself with Trash….
A burst of unknown Better Force knocks Dupree back to the ground.
Deity Dupree: Listen child, if he takes your championship you will not ascend, you will remain just the bastion of boring that you currently are....
Deity Dupree: You will never hold the universe, all it’s timelines, dimensions and realities in the palm of your hands. I will cease to exist and life will continue to be meaningless and unfulfilling as it’s always been.
Deity Dupree: Know thee way….
Deity Dupree: Know thee UNLIMITED POWWA !!!!
That gloriously evil laugh disappears in a flash of golden light. Dupree looks over at his OCW Lightheavyweight Championship pondering his future as we fade to ring side.
The camera pans to the announce team.
This isn't even his final form?!!!!
....THIS IS NOT REAL DAMMIT!!!
The Camera Pans To The Ramp
Jookie Marley struts around the ring while the fans who he once called his 'Jah Army' boo him.
He ignores the boos and continues to show off his tailored suit. He pulls out a mic from his inside his jacket.
Jookie Marley: Shut the hell up and have some damn respect. Have some respect for one of the greatest wrestlers to grace this damn ring.
The sold-out crowd ignores Jookie Marley's demands and start to boo even louder. He drops the mic and exits the ring. He slowly makes his way up the ramp as the boos turn into cheers. Marley stops midway and turns around.
He runs back down the ramp and to the announcer table. Charles Scaggs and Al Poling quickly move out of the way as Marley searches under the table and comes back up with a megaphone. He smiles and makes his way back to the ring.
Jookie Marley: Let's try this again.
The crowd continues to boo as Marley holds the megaphone up to the mic and lets off the siren. The camera cuts through the crowd as everyone covers their ears in agony.
Jookie Marley: Now do I have your attention?
Jookie Marley:
Alright. Good. It's a new year, so that means a new attitude.
Jookie Marley:
The past few years things haven't gone the way that I planned, so now I have to make a couple of changes to get to the gold. This year is now MY YE...
Suddenly the lights go out in the arena. The arena starts to fill up with cell phone lights with fans trying to see whats going on in the ring.
The lights come back on and the camera zooms in on to Jookie Marley laid out unconscious in the ring.
The camera pans to the announce team.
Boop!
I guess someone didnt like what he was putting down!
Previously Recorded
With frigid temperatures dropping down faster than the girls at Hunts Point; B2O is bunkered inside H2O’s luxurious loft once again. This time with a new and kinda uninvited guest, Becky.
B2O is getting an area in the loft set for their bodyguard, Dimsmore. While Becky is just sitting on the kitchen counter painting her nails.
H2O: Best Friend, you have those fresh Cubans ready for this guy when he comes?
Baker: Yeah, I got some new ones imported being that I used the last ones by mistake to roll up my paraphernalia.
H2O: You used Cuban paper for that stuff?! Well thanks for buying some new ones. H2O has a nice bottle of Don P ready on ice, vintage 2000!
Becky: Funny, you didn’t do this for me Harvey.
H2O stops dusting off the pool table and gives Becky of look of disgust. She doesn’t notice cause she’s busy with her nails.
The doorbell rings as Lil Peeps “Switchblades” plays throughout the loft. B2O breaks down into a Crypt Walk as they both make their way to the door.
Baker opens the door and Dimsmore spots these two still dancing to the song. Dimsmore ends his phone call with B.S.M.G.
B2O: Best Friennnnnnnd!!!!
Dimsmore: You guys left me waiting in this cold cause you IDIOTS WERE DANCING AT THE DOOR!!!??? It’s bad enough that I don’t want to be here in the first place.
H2O: Yeeee-yup.
Dimsmore rushes thru the doorway and grabs Harvey and hems him up against the wall….again.
H2O: Nuh nuh nuh No! Not again! Look at H2O’s boots! Look at them! They’re off the ground again! Help, Baker!
As Baker tries to pry the hands off his Best Friend Dimsmore just turns his head Exorcist like towards Baker.
Baker: So sad. You’re on your own, Harvey!
Dimsmore lifts Harvey up as far as his arms can extend. H2O can barely breathe at this point.
Dimsmore: Look, I can’t tell you to get out of your own place. But I can take you out right now you annoying piece of-
Becky: Sh(beep)t? Thank god, finally! Can you tell my boo that his, “Best Friend” thinks he’s THEE Sh(beep)t.
Dimsmore drops Harvey like he’s lint off his shirt and begins to grab at his ears. The sound of this woman’s voice pierces through him as he closes his eyes reminiscing of his own...Love.
Dimsmore: Who invited La…..
Dimsmore turns as sees that it’s not who he thinks it is.
Dimsmore: Oh….
Baker: Everyone just stop! You guys are a such a buzzkill.
Baker walks quickly over to Dimsmore.
Baker: You! You should know I don’t do well when I have to reschedule my high cause you want to ruin my buzz.
Baker then turns to his lady.
Baker: You take your booty juice off the counter, freshen up and meet me in our room. I’ll deal with you later.
Baker turns back towards H2O.
Baker: You need to stop pressing this scary, grizzly, horrifying freak of nature’s buttons!
H2O who is keeled over in his own baby drool is trying to catch his breath. He then turns to Dimsmore standing with his arms folded. Baker takes a second to seriously think about what he wants to say to Dimsmore.
Baker: You need to sit down on this damn couch and sip on this lean. He had Don P for you. But you look like a lean kinda guy. Here.
Dimsmore: That pee water?? Wake me up when you get some Everclear boy.
Baker: Now that we are finally coming together, we need to clash with some dingleberries. Before we do we need to talk about teams goals. Agreed!?
Dimsmore shrugs and nods in agreement while H2O finally makes it onto his feet and agrees as well. The three finally sit together as a unit as they formulate a plan.
The camera pans to the announce team.
This cannot, and will not end well!
Poor Dimsmore!
The camera pans to the announce team.
14 Days!
I can't wait!
We pan back into the courtroom as Odessa concludes her opening statements. The Judge turns to Ryu.
Judge Jones: I see that you have no council at the time Mr Matsumoto, does that mean you will be representing yourself.
Before Ryu can speak Hide stands up behind him.
Hide: Uncle Mugen says he took care of you and hired the most expensive team of lawyers money can buy.
RYU: You mean, best team of lawyers money can buy?
Hide: No he said most expensive.
Before he can say anything more the lights in the courtroom begin flickering on and off, we hear an all too familiar voice scream “DROP THE BASS”
A foot kicks open the courtroom door and loud hip hop music begins playing. Djesus Djones, Buddy Burns and YSL come dancing down the aisle.
Ryu buries his face in his hands.
DJESUS: Your Honor! Djesus Djones ESQUIRE would like to introduce the HOTTEST Legal Team in the history of Law Ever.
DJESUS: Check it check it check it, THE BEST Cross Examiner in THE Bizzzz, Buddy BUUUURNS ESQUIRE spitting HOT FIYAH.
Buddy: Wigidi Wigidi WigiDEEZ NUTZ! BOOM got em!
DJESUS: And the greatest mathematical mind in ALL of Business and Contract Law I give you the MANIACAL MATHEMATICAL MASTER OF CONTRACTS Y S L… ESQUIRE
YSL: Chyeah Yeah Yeah! NUMBERS FERDAYZ SON!
Judge Jones: ORDER IN THIS COURT YOU WILL SHOW PROPER DECORUM!
Buddy: errr Deez Nutz, your honor?
YSL: Yeah! NUMBER FER DAYZ… your honor!
Ryu:(To Himself) I'm going to prison.......(quietly)reeeeeeeeee.
The Trial Resumes on SUPAH Trumoil
The camera pans to the announce team.
THATS WHAT YOU GET!
THESE ARE LIES, LIES HOW CAN STACY DESTROY THIS MANS CAREER!!! WHY STACY WHYYYYYYYY!!!
Kassidy is backstage continuing his search for The Lord of the Lariat, The Suplex Savior, The Messiah of the Multiverse, Mugen but stops when he gets a whiff of BBQ seasoned food,
He veered of course from Mugen’s office to the food. He finds a buffet of brisket, variety of loin cuts, pork, lamb, and a variety of chicken, with all different flavors of BBQ sauces to accompany.
Kassidy stacks a plate and gets back on track, with sauces quickly covering his fingers and around his mouth, he has made it to the office of Mugen and kicks opens the door to find a rough scene.
Inside the room, a sweaty and sickened Bobby Minio sits slumped against the wall, empty cans of BUFF Blaster™ littered about the ground around Minio, with his soggy t-shirt balled up at his side.
He lets out an audible groan as Kassidy moves into view. Kassidy drops his plate into the empty trash can and rolls his eyes at the sight of Bobby,
Kassidy: You again,
Kass sighs and walks out of Mugen’s office, licking the sauce off his fingers.
