As Riot continues, the trons show a familiar location that we haven't seen in a while... it's Cort's mobile home “compound!”
Cort and Shepherd are the only two present, and you can see that Cort has laid out a makeshift obstacle course out of assorted trash and wreckage. There's a plywood climbing wall with nails for handholds, a tire course like footballers use, a military crawl under barbed wire, as well as the literally flaming wreck on a mid-80's K-car. Shepherd is sweating hard as Cort blows a whistle around his neck.
FWEEEEEEET!
Cort: YOU CALL THAT A SPRINT, SOLDIER?
Shepherd: That's the fifth run I've done, Cort!
Cort: YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS SIR, MAGGOT! AND I'VE SEEN FASTER TIMES FROM OBESE CHILDREN MOTIVATED BY DANGLING BUTTERFINGERS IN FRONT OF THEIR FACES!
Shep pauses for breath before continuing.
Shepherd: Wait... you were a gym teacher? Sir?
Cort: For a week. Before those pansies fired me for getting a kid so hyped to get physically fit that he punched another kid DIRECTLY in the eyeball!
Shepherd: That explains it.
Cort: I DO THE EXPLAINING AROUND HERE! AND I WILL! RIGHT NOW!
FWEEEEEEET!
Cort lays on the whistle again.
Cort: THE SPRINTING, TIRE DRAGGING, AND OTHER BEGINNER EXERCISES WERE ONLY A WARMUP! NOW YOU MUST FACE THE COURSE OF PAIN! YOU WILL LEARN FROM THE PAIN. YOU WILL DEFEAT THE PAIN. YOU WILL LIVE UNDER THE TUTELAGE OF THE PAIN. YOU WILL ADDRESS HIM AS MAJOR PAIN AND LEARN TO RESPECT HIM!
Shepherd: I think I'm going to die today.
Cort: YOU WILL! BUT YOU WILL BE REBORN LIKE A PHOENIX IN THE ASHES OF CRACK SWEAT AND BABY TEARS.
The rest of the vignette is edited to show Shepherd attempting, failing, and eventually conquering the various obstacles. Through it all there's no audio but a cheesy 80's military/workout type song.
First are the tires, which he trips on and Cort follows up by bouncing his head off the sidewall. After he's done that, it's onto the military crawl, which is littered with less than savoury things such as like half-chewed apples and Best of Virgil DVDs and... is that a pile of pointy legos? The monster.
Shep crawls through the course on his bare hands and knees, wincing as he makes his way through the rotting food and over the incredibly painful, 100X worse than tacks or even glass LEGOs.
The next obstacle is the climbing wall. Shepherd grits his teeth and forces his way up in one go, impressing Cort, who smiles for a second before Shepherd turns to look.
Last but not least, we see Shep desperately pleading not to jump over the car, as Cort motions for him to do it. We fade to later on, as Shep psyches himself up, slapping his face and beating his chest, before making a running leap over the inferno! He made it, and without a shoe of contact with the tetanus-laden wreck!
… Unfortunately, his jocks have caught on fire, and Cort looks around panicked as Shep rolls around on the ground, desperately trying to put out the fire.
Without a fire extinguisher to be found, Cort does the only thing he can do... stomp a mudhole in Shepherd's crotch.
The music fades out and we see a final scene of Cort blowing the whistle again.
FWEEEEEEET!
Shepherd crawls into frame.
Shepherd: What now. No. Please. Not more. Not again. Anything but the spider toss. Or the Peckersmasher. Or the razorblade roulette! Please let me go home. Momma, I don't wanna die.
Cort simply walks up to the prone Shepherd and claps him on the shoulder.
Cort: Son... you're done.
Shepherd looks up at him with a shocked expression.
Shepherd: I am?
Cort: DAMN RIGHT YOU ARE. DO YOU FEEL HARDER? BETTER? FASTER? STRONGER?
Shepherd gives Cort a worried look.
Shepherd: Not sure about the first one…
Cort: You will be! Our work is never over!
Cort pauses.
Cort: … But it is for today. You’ve done well, for a rookie. Now rest up and get ready to kick some plebeian ass in the morning!
Shep: If I can walk.
Cort: That's not an excuse!
The camera pans to the announce team.
Oh for the love of Pete!
WAR IS HELL!
Roxy Rose vs Pyra
The camera pans to the announce team.
What a mistake!
That cost her the match for sure!
As I enter this building was hit with warm air that filled the lobby and numerous amounts of different scents. It’s almost like I walked into Bed Bath and Beyond.
H2O: Is this what Heaven’s Pearly Gates is like?
Ahh, shake your head and refocus Harvey. We’re here to fight!
I finally make my way inside and looked around. The main lobby has me in awe. Everything is so pristine and elegant. I wanted to just shift a vase a little to the left to piss these pricks off but security is watching me like a hawk over there in the corners of lobby. Not a good idea right now.
I pull out my phone to take pictures of these weird and expensive asymmetrical paintings.
H2O: Asymmetrical paintings for an asexual jerk!
I had to gather this intel for Baker and Dimz to get a good laugh. But you ever have a feeling of being watched? That’s the feeling I got now. As I look to my right there’s a security guard shaking his head “No”.
Security: Put the phone away, commoner.
H2O: H2O is not a commoner. He is the #1 contender to fight the owner of this building.
A beautiful receptionist speaks from behind the desk. But I can’t help but to notice everyone is wearing the same colors of black and gold. Security guards, receptionist and even the janitors. It startles me.
So I look down at my feet to see if I have the right shoes on to moonwalk the hell outta there. But it’s not the Old Country Way Harvey. Stop thinking that! You came here to fight!
So I proceeded to the reception desk to see what floor The Light Heavyweight Champ resides. On top of the paper it reads, Fortress of Bettertude? I thought I was full of myself!
I must put an end to his title reign. It’s been going on for far too long. Harvey Hamilton Ocean will finally fulfill his destiny. But my destiny won’t wait until Certified Greatness. This ends here in his….fortress. Ugh, and I know this woman won’t help me.
A bell rings from down the hallway and an elevator opens. I wait for an opportunity to make a mad dash to the elevator before the door closes. I see a nice and expensive Venti Teavana Tea from Starbucks sitting on the desk.
H2O: H2O is just going to sign in to see him. May Harvey borrow this pen sitting here?
BOOM! I tipped over that nice $5 dollar cup of tea all over her desk! Haha! She shrieks from the tea burning on her skin and I make a run for the elevator.
I try to regain my stamina as my ribs aching reminds me of that neanderthal, Jackson Montgomery. I press “BL”.
Elevator Annunciator: Better Level...Stand clear of the closing doors please!
This is going to be a long ride to reach the top floor of...Betterness!
