The scene opens with The King of Kindness, The Lord of the Lariat, The Sultan of Safety, The Overlord himself, Mugen sitting at his desk made of the finest imported Mahogany from the Himalayas.
Seated opposite him is Molly who is laying back with her head facing the ceiling, chewing gum with her sunglasses on.
Molly Bobby tells me you been too obsessed with something stupid lately again.
Mugen My dearest Molly, Bobbert speaks of only such things because he does not fully understand the implications of what I am trying to possess.
Molly He says it’s something about stupid Dupree’s blond hair?
Mugen It is not stupid.
Molly Sounds pretty stupid to me.
Mugen SILENCE.
Mugen holds up his hand to the sky but Molly barely even flinches as she is partly in another world at the moment.
Mugen Have I ever explained the story to you about the 7 Ancient Artifacts that hold together the world as we know it.
Molly slides her glasses slightly and turns her head to face Mugen.
Molly No you haven’t but for once I’m actually inte….
Mugen Once upon a time in history, a long long time ago, the universe as we know and refer to as Earth-1 was the battlefield for a conflict between warring galactic civilizations.
Mugen These 7 Civilizations after much bloodshed and conflict decided to create a treaty and each Civilization presented to this world an artifact, each with immense power.
Molly So, this hair from Dupree is one of those things?
Mugen Precisely!
Mugen The Betterness Hair presented by The Golden Gods, the Betorvians, is the only source of The Better Force and this is why I am working diligently night and day with my elite crew of scientists to duplicate and harness this energy.
Molly What else do we have?
Mugen reaches over to his bookshelf and reaches for an unmarked book which has a false back containing a piece of parchment paper.
Mugen I’ve been keeping track of this since there have been numerous reported false artifacts.
Mugen I mean honestly, I described to that poor man Mr. Sensation numerous false artifacts just so he would divert his efforts all for nought.
Mugen looks down at the piece of paper and starts reading what looks like to be some galactic language.
Mugen We have the Black Seed, brought to us by The Black Viking civilization and at one time it was possessed by The Gardener himself.
Mugen But I was victorious in a wager years ago and this artifact is stored away in my vault.
Mugen thumbs his finger through the paper to try and decipher it a bit more.
Mugen The Summer Stone given to us by The Bikini Mistresses currently in the possession of one Nate Ortiz.
Mugen That scoundrel defeated Dupree for the stone and took it from him.
Molly You are telling me that Dupree had at one point two of the artifacts?
Mugen smiles as he points at Molly.
Mugen My dear, you would be correct there. He was able to parlay all that power into an OCW World Championship Reign.
Mugen continues.
Mugen From the Buffkandans, the Tub of Buffblaster.
Molly Wait, I thought Buffblaster was a product created in the past few years.
Mugen Oh Molly, you want to know a funny secret.
Mugen Through the time paradox, Ryu and I discovered that the formula for Buffblaster is literally just Buffblaster and distilled water.
Mugen The original tub of Buffblaster is still the original source for the powerful drink making it extremely desired.
Mugen goes back to the piece of paper.
Mugen A “Coconut” from The Tiki Hut. And I speak of this in air quotes because it’s not just a coconut.
Molly Then what was it?
Mugen It is a device developed by the Versuvians to partake in consumption of Mother Nature’s finest greenery.
Mugen Once burned and ingested by the individual, they are able to walk in and out of various dimensions.
Mugen My anger sponsor, the honorable Versus actually gave this to me to protect in my vault along with my laminated card showing completion of Anger Rehab.
Mugen squints at the next one on the paper but continues again.
Mugen We have Chocolate Milk from The Stuvolians.
Mugen They believed that sipping on chocolate milk through a straw would give them power but if they were to utilize a swirly straw, UNLIMITED POWER.
Molly Okay so what’s the last one?
Mugen The last one…………………… a broken Casio Watch……..from The Trash Lords
Molly You know who always wears a broken Casio Watch?
Mugen I know……….
Molly It’s that stupid old one that has the calculator on it.
A slight visible frustration forms on Mugen’s face
Mugen Yup………….
Molly Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I get it, that’s ohhhhhhhhhhh yea I get it now.
Mugen nods at Molly’s self revelation.
Molly Ryu owns it! That’s why you two have been at odds lately. I mean he’s always been a weird one but I finally get it.
Mugen THIS IS WHY…..
Mugen pounds the desk with each syllable.
Mugen Being able to recreate The Betterness Hair and harness the Better Force is essential in my journey to acquire all The Artifacts.
Molly Well, gotta say, that was quite a story. Alright shopping time, toodles!
Mugen watches as Molly leaves the office and shakes his head as he burns the parchment paper with his flameless lighter. The scene fades to black.
The camera pans to the announce team.
Oh for the love of god he has finally gone insane!
INSANE WITH KNOWLEDGE!, THATS WHY YOU LIVE ALONE!
The Xtron Flickers On!
The camera pans to the announce team.
:(
............
[Previously Recorded]
Riot 499. Backstage. Cort and Shep stand in a dark room, with the only lights being on them.
Cort: Riot 500. History in the making. A show where the past and the present of wrestling collide and conquer.
The rest of the lights switch on and reveal that the room is full of photographs, trophies and replica belts, representing great moments in OCW history.
Cort walks through the room with Shep, gesturing at displays along the way, with the camera zooming in to show them in detail.
Shep: … Many great moments, to be sure. Many champions. Many legacies.
The room lights go dark again.
Cort: But they’ve had their time. Why must we pretend to be awed by some… nostalgia show?
Cort:
Why must the here and NOW of OCW play second fiddle to people who’ve had their best moments a decade ago?
Cort:
Are you fans really that excited to see your once favorite wrestlers hobbling into that ring, holding their hips and running the ropes like grandma at the buffet table?
Cort: I have no problem with celebrating the past. I mean, look. I have a tape collection.
Cort:
I yell about Taylor Swift online like any self-respecting man over 30. What I have a problem with is the expectation that I should step aside.
Cort:
That Shep should step aside.
Cort:
That the REAL main eventers are here to steal our thunder and nab a cushy paycheck at the same time!
Cort:
Ain’t gonna happen, baby. We’re in the trenches every! Single! Day!
Cort: While you were at home watching Turner Classic Movies, we were in the gym!
Cort:
While you were gumming crackers at Red Lobster, we were in the ring!
Cort:
And while you were signing that lucrative one-time appearance deal with Jaysin “Lemon Party” Sensation, we were cashing in our blood and sweat and tears at the bank of hard work!
Shep: We don’t do what we do for the paycheck! And what we do isn’t gonna be slow, soft and easy for old bones!
Shep:
If the old school wants to prove it can still rule, it’s gotta go through people like US first! Cort’s got a punch for every nose…
Cort: And Shep’s got a knee for every jaw!
Shep: We’ve got the moves to lay down the LAW!
Cort: Forget the legacies and forget the history books. Riot 500, we will write the script of the tag team scene in OCW!
Cort:
We are AWOL, and we’re here to kick ass, chew bubblegum, and sell unlicensed T-shirts!
Cort:
We got our shot at the titles and we lost, fair and square. Oh well.
Cort:
New day, new strategy, baby.
Cort:
We ain’t backing down and we ain’t backing up, like an overexcited guido in a bar fight we will take on ANYONE ANYWHERE over anything at all!
Cort:
And if that doesn’t scream U-S-A U-S-A to you, I don’t know what to tell you, other than to add some red meat to that diet of soybeans and fair trade tree branches!
Shep and Cort: Ooh-rah!
They fist bump and the camera fades out.
The camera pans to the announce team.
Strong words!
A GOD DAM PATRIOT!
BRYSON BLAZE vs NATOLI JOE
The camera pans to the announce team.
Seems like we have some problems with the Audio Truck!
Audio or not he got all of that! WHAM!
Stacy Clack opens the door to the newly constructed TTT use only locker room to find the OCW World Heavyweight Champion sitting atop a throne made of gold while being flanked by instagram #GothThots.
Being fanned and fed by the lovely ladies, Kass waves over Stacy and crew,
Kassidy: I’m glad you are here,
Stacy:
Kassidy: No, not you, the cameras. Give me that microphone and be gone from my sight.
Stacy smirks, throws Kass a mic and leaves,
Kassidy: You see, for weeks I warned everyone of the Smoke and everyone assumed that this was going to be a beating from Sean McGee to ME but truthfully, I am the Smoke.
Kassidy:
I have set a blaze to OCW and the only thing that rises to the top of fire is Smoke.
Kassidy: I am what has risen atop of this company because I am Better than everyone else.
Kassidy:
I prove each and every time I defend this Championship which in four months time has been defended Nine times.
stagehand: Doesn’t the Chamber count as one title defence?
Kassidy looks at the man,
Kassidy: Shut up and get out, you aren’t even needed.
Kassidy: As I was saying, if you look around backstage, there isn’t a soul who can step to me and I will continue to do as I please because there isn’t anyone who can stop Kassidy Hayes.
Kassidy:
At Road to Glory I didn’t just walk out of another steel structure with championship in hand, I damn near ended a man’s life and then went on to defend it again not moments later in possibly the shortest title match in OCW History.
Kassidy: That is what I do as Champion; I make history again and again and will continue to do it again and again.
A #GothThot is making her way out of a changing room when Kass sees the pink Road to Glory attire behind her. Kassidy points at her,
Kassidy: Bring me that gear babygurl,
She turns and grabs everything, she walks up to Kass and places it all in his lap,
Kassidy: Cameraman, would you please hand me that trash can?
The cameraman turns around and grabs the trash can behind him and places it in front of Kass.
Kassidy throws the: pants, boots, elbow pad and jacket into the can before sparking a match and setting it all on fire.
Kassidy: TTT turns everything into Gold.
Kassidy pours salt into the can to put out the fire, Kass winks at the camera, reaches in and pulls out the now black and gold gear.
