Valkyrie signals the ring crew to fetch her a microphone, as her theme song fades out
She is still catching her breath, after that evenly matched contest she’s been in
Valkyrie: Heather, I hope you took a good look at what happened in this match because it’s exactly what I have in store for you!
Valkyrie: I swore I was going to eradicate the cancer known as Kasstianity and I will keep my word, no matter the cost.
Valkyrie: I will make OCW a better place for everyone and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.
Valkyrie: Chill Faktor, Ladies Night… It doesn't matter to me. One day, I’m going to meet you and Alexa Hayes one on one and I will make you pay for what you have done to me.
Valkyrie: But since you are two cowards you are probably going to keep ducking me… so how about a 2 on 1, maybe? I proved in the past that I can hold my own in Handicap Matches!
Valkyrie: You’ve made my life a living hell since Wrestlution 12 and I will…
The lights suddenly go out!
A beacon of light is now illuminating the squared circle, while the rest of the arena is still in the dark
Valkyrie looks around, confused. She tries to speak through the mic but she realises they cut it off!
A metallic voice is now echoing throughout the arena
???: We gave you a choice.
???: You could’ve joined Kasstianity. You could’ve been as successful as we are.
???: Take a look at Kassidy Hayes and his friends: they are Main Eventers, they are Champions… which is something you will never be.
???: You turned down our offer in the name of what? A few smiles on some kids’ faces? Your silly moral code?
???: What happened at the Anniversary Show is just the prelude to your Season 14.
???: We are going to make an example out of you.
???: You will learn that not all Fairy Tales have Happy Endings.
The lights are back on, as the camera pans to the commentary team
The camera pans to the announce team.
What the what!
I dont like it!
A door backstage bursts open, the parking lot briefly in view as a man stumbles into the building. The One Man Revolution Bobby Minio, complete with the outfit we had last seen him wearing half a world away down to the Wayfarers and an unbuttoned silk shirt looks as if he is contemplating death as he walks, dodging the backstage crew.
He turns a corner and arrives at a locker room door, which he barrels into all too hard, knocking the wind from a set of lungs that had spent the last few months being pushed to their absolute limits. After wincing and favoring the shoulder he had opened the door with, he slings his bag down onto a folding chair and begins rummaging through it with a purpose. He produces a pill bottle, opening it in a desperate frenzy and messily pouring entirely too many into his open mouth before chewing in a hurry.
After a moment of dry swallowing enough aspirin for a small caravan of able bodied adults, Minio drops himself into the chair beside the bag, throwing his head back in a groggy moan. He sits that way for a few seconds… and a few seconds more… before it becomes a cool minute of Minio sitting in the chair, his head slung back over his shoulders, mouth agape. A deep, throaty snore rumbles the microphone off screen.
Crewman: Minio! You’re up in Five!
Minio jolts awake, his arms up in a karate stance as he scans the room for threats, seeing only a college student, which he surmises is one of the Half Mast University students that Sensation has begun outsourcing work to as part of some sort of creative company scheme.
Bobby Minio: Do me a favor, ya? Do me a kindness? Can ya bump that match back one slot? I’m sitting here pitched in some twisted custody battle between a prolific hangover, a nasty bit of jetlag and I think, but I can’t be sure because I sorta stopped keeping track of time… but I think I also have a bad case of the Mondays.
He removes his sunglasses to squeeze the bridge of his nose, desperately trying to find a clear pathway out of whatever funk he’s currently in.
Crewman: That’s… that’s not really possible.
Bobby Minio: Sure it is, don’t they teach you college kids to problem solve creatively?
Crewman: Well, the thing is, bumping your match back a slot would make you the main event. Soooo, you’re up in fi-... Four.
Minio stares at the kid with a blank expression for all of five seconds before he turns to his gear bag, hastily ripping his boots out and attempting to figure out which is left and right.
Bobby Minio: Nate Ortiz above please remind me how the hell this stuff works!
Crewman: … Well… you might want to try putting your gear on… before your boots.
Bobby Minio: You might want to try kickin rocks, creeper. If you want to see me in states of undress beyond what I do in the ring you’re going to have to buy the video from CyberFights like every other self respecting pre-vert. NOW GET OUT!
Minio launches to his feet with a huff, shoving the crewman through the doorway and slamming the door shut before he can protest or disputes Minio’s casual accusation, or, admission, depending on which part of the context the viewer focuses on. Minio turns, beginning to undress what little clothes he had on from the flight as the muffled voice booms through the door.
Crewman: THREE MINUTES!
Bobby Minio: I’m moving I’m moving!
His voice lowers as the camera pans away to not reveal a nearly nude One Man Revolution.
Bobby Minio: Oh god I don’t even know who I’m wrestling… and… is C4 still a thing?
Bobby Minio: Hell with it, I’ll figure it all out as I go.
The camera pans down at the mess on the ground, Minio’s Ibiza-wear, aspirin that had bounced from his face, and his opened wallet, the OCW company credit card sitting beside it in two pieces, having been cut in half by someone along the way once Minio’s grift had been discovered. The scene fades into the next segment.
The camera pans to the announce team.
New Year and Bobby still can't catch a break!
LET THE MAN REST HIS EYES!
M.J.F vs BOBBY MINIO
The camera pans to the announce team.
He did it!
Oh yes he did!
The scene opens up on the patented P3 soundstage, and the Limp Bizkit cover band starts playing “Break Stuff” as Drago appears and starts throwing random objects on the ground and playing air guitar. Bubba appears from behind the couch with an enlarged gold and white football helmet on him.
Drago: Welcome on and all, to P3 Bonanza!!!!!! That is…
Drago: Platinum.
Drago: Platonic.
Drago: Partners!!!!!!
A stock clapping sound effect plays as Drago takes a seat on the couch and the camera starts spinning 360 degrees. He takes a remote out from under one of the cushions. One of the camera guys pukes for no reason.
Drago: Oh yeah, and our host….King of Kindness, Face of Fun, Lord of Lariat, Caravan of….Cardboard? MUGEN!!!!!
The band starts slamming on the drums as the camera pans out to reveal a cardboard cutout of Mugen behind the desk. Drago pushes a button.
Mugen: Dummy!
Drago: Hahaha!
Drago: Tonight we have another vary vary special guest on the show! He is our favorite dinosaur….
Drago pushes the button.
Mugen: AAAAAAHHHHHH!
Drago: Hmm….
He pushes the button again.
Mugen: BEW BEW BEW BEEEEEEWWWWW!!!!!
Drago: That the one!
Drago swings the remote around for a few seconds. The guitar player passes out.
Drago: So yeah, he is like...dinosaur or something. Lady and gentle man...Parkeroasaurus Rex!!!!
Out comes Wrex from behind the curtain with “Parker Stevens” written on the bottom of the screen. Drago gets off of his couch and lets Wrex sit on it.
Wrex: The f*** is this?
Drago: On Anniversary show, CQC-
Wrex: F*** THAT FRENCHMAN! AND THE HORSE HE RODE IN ON!
Drago: Anyway, CQC make ATTACK on us and spray shet logo. We angry. Vary angry. Right Mugen?
Drago pushes the button.
Mugen: Dummy!
Drago: Parker, what you think of these guy?
Wrex: ..Do I look like Parker to you?
Drago walks up close to him and starts investigating. A magnifying glass is thrown in his direction and he uses it to look at Wrex. The Turmoil Tag Champion slaps away the magnifying glass.
Wrex: I’m NOT. PARKER.
Drago pushes the button again.
Mugen: BEW BEW BEW BEEEEWWWW!!!!
Wrex: You gonna call me Parker again, or am I gonna have to-
Wrex tips over the couch and starts getting much more aggressive when a spring goes off underneath the cutout of Mugen, causing it to senton itself through the desk!!!!
Confetti goes off. Drago and Bubba start clapping repeatedly. Wrex looks around bewildered as another desk enters the stage. Bubba sentons himself onto the desk to even more confetti.
Wrex: Wha- Hu- Nope. Not dealing with this today, f**k this.
Wrex gets up from the couch and tries to walk away from the set, but the floor collapses underneath his foot.
