The scene opens inside of a locker room backstage, seconds before the door bursts open, rattling off of the wall behind it.
A sweat drenched One Man Revolution walks into the room, his entrance gear bunched up in one hand, with a plastic shopping bag in the other. He’s grinning ear to ear.
Bobby Minio: LETS! ****ING!! GOOOOOOOO!!!
He throws both shoulders back, aiming his shout at the ceiling. As he lowers his head back down, he tosses his clothing onto a chair off to the side, then sets the bag down onto the floor, letting out an audible *clunk* sound.
He drags another chair near the bag, sitting down with his legs spread on either side of it.
Bobby Minio: That is what the hell I am talking about! Big personality, big wins! That’s what I do!
Minio takes a breath deep into his lungs as he nods to himself.
Bobby Minio: String a few more of those bad boys together, than it’s time to the real work. Hey!
He looks just over the camera.
Camera Man (Off Camera): Uh, me?
Bobby Minio: Yeah, actually, you and the homie dragging the cables around…
The camera pans, placing the puzzled looking cable puller directly into frame. They both turn to look at Minio.
Bobby Minio: Yeah solid, I’m talking to the only other two people in the room. You did it, you cracked the case. Look, I need a quick hand.
Camera Man (Off Camera): Our hands are kinda full.
Bobby Minio: Set that **** down. Set it down,
He points to something to the side of the camera man.
Bobby Minio: Right there, that’s fine. Yeah, set it down.
Gingerly, reluctantly, the camera man sets the camera down onto what appears to be the height of the table. He hastily attempts to frame the scene, but it’s slightly off, Minio off centered, the camera now only showing him from the belly up.
The plastic bag begins to crinkle as the camera man and the cable puller step somewhat into frame with him. Minio hands each man a large bottle of champagne.
Bobby Minio: We’re gonna celebrate! Yeah, you understand? Big personality, big wins! Lets pop it off right!
Cable Puller: Listen… I’m not comfortable with this. I’m pretty sure we could get fired for something like th-
Bobby Minio: I’m pretty sure that negative attitude is the reason you sling cables instead of carrying that expensive camera. Now you listen. I’m a BIG DEAL here. If this is going to come down on you, send them my way. I’ll sort it all out, the One Man Revolution has GOT YOU.
He’s nodding along to them, doing everything he can to wind them into his moment.
Bobby Minio: … but I need your help here, yeah? I need you guys to come up clutch for me, because… my guys, they ain’t really MY guys anymore. Mugen’s on his own trip like usual except, that don’t really include me now and Pa… hm. HIM, he’s anywhere but here and that’s how it needs to stay. So I need YOU to pop these bottles. Do you got me?
Both men are now shoegazing, Minio stands up, leaning into their faces.
Bobby Minio: MIC CHECK. DO. YOU. GOT ME?
They look at each other, the resignation reading across both of their faces.
Camera Man: Alright, lets just make this quick, and… stand away from the camera this isn’t a water proof rig.
An excited Bobby Minio plans a palm down on each man’s shoulder as he steps a few feet away from the camera, but then he freezes in place, a surprise look across his face.
Bobby Minio: Wait, I almost forgot!
He ducks into the shopping bag, digging around before letting out a quick “aha!”. He stands up, then begins to pull goggles down over his eyes.
Bobby Minio: There we go! Now I’m ready, hit me with that that cheap booze my temporary, placeholder brothers!
The camera man and the cable puller both struggle for a moment before finally popping the bottles. The champagne rockets out of each bottle, spraying Minio, the wall behind him and virtually everything in the generation direction they were aiming. Minio begins jumping around, letting out celebratory screams before he begins shouting.
Bobby Minio: FIRST DUB OF THE SEASON BABY! FIRST OF MANY! I AM A ONE MAN REVOLUTION! I’M HALL OF FAME BOUND!! I’M GONNA LIVE FOREVER!!!
The two crewman, not nearly as enthusiastic about the moment, don’t really work too hard to shake up the bottles, the streams of champagne dying out rapidly.
Minio is unfazed as he continues to celebrate. The men set the bottles down, looking at each other as they try to figure out how they’re going to get past the One Man World Series Celebration and get back to work. The scene fades to the announcer’s table.
The camera pans to the announce team.
YEAAAA
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
The Xtron Flickers On
As the scene opens up we see the usual P3 Bonanza stage completely on fire as the audience members are covering their faces with masks to fight off the smoke.
Coming in from opposite sides of the stage holding fire extinguishers are what appears to be The Platinum Platonic Partners but they look different……
As the two dance to the tune of the Limp Bizkit cover band and spray down the fire with the fire extinguisher to a roaring crowd, we realize that Drago is wearing a leather coat, has half his face painted and is sporting a goatee, almost as if he was in……..THE PURGE. While Mugen on the other hand is wearing the bodysuit Drago wore when he was in………...REV INC. QUE PASO!?
The Limp Bizkit cover band starts to hit their crescendo as Mugen and Drago start swinging the fire extinguishers by the hoses. One flies off the hose and goes flying into the crowd and an old Asian man has been nailed by the fire extinguisher. He gets up and puts a thumb up signfying that he is A-OK.
Mugen and Drago simultaneously motion for the band to stop and they bow for the wild crowd who are now giving them a standing ovation.
Together: WE ARE……...THE……….
Mugen and Drago point at each other with their pinky finger, because thats fancy and they are fancy individuals.
Together: PLATINUM PLATONIC……..PARTNERS!!!!!
Mugen: We have some fantastic guests for our loyal fans……………
Drago:We are so happy to welcome the OCW Tag Champion Team of Francois Quartz and John Rust!
Coming from the far end of the stage is Francois Quartz by himself looking around for his tag team partner…..
Francois: Jean? John? Jean? T’es où John?
Drago runs up to Francois and grabs him by the ear and brings him over to the center of the stage next to Mugen’s desk, Drago’s sofa and Bubba. Bubba spits up a hairball in the colors of the French Flag.
Drago: Look! He happy you here French Quartz!
Francois: Oh, oui oui. I am happy to how you say………….be here too. Hon hon hee hee
Drago: Your eye look weird. Why?
Francois: OOOHHH OUI OUI, zis eye is blue and zis eye is red. I have ze split personality, oui oui! Ze French National Colours.
Mugen jumps on the desk to shake Francois’s hand.
Mugen: I’m only standing here because I want you to know that I am the host okay? Oui? It’s an American thing.
The desk suddenly collapses and Mugen falls through the stage as well.
Francois: Sacre bleu! Is he dead???
MEANWHILE…..
The other half of the Tag Team Champions, John Rust, is shown sneaking into the studio decked out in full tactical stealth gear, the kind you’d find at Walmart for 3 dollars. He goes prone and crawls on the floor carefully…..until he’s spotted by a custodian.
Janitor: The hell you doing here, B?
John: Be vewy vewy quiet. I’m hunting for wabbits.
Janitor: I’m calling the cops b.
The janitor walks off to find a phone as John Rust’s earpiece seems to be yelling at him.
???: THAT’S THE FIRST ALARM RUST. YOU GOT TO BE MORE CAREFUL NEXT TIME.
BACK IN THE STUDIO…..
Rev Inc. Mugen has been pulled up from the hole in the stage and is now sitting down at his brand new desk.
Mugen: So Francois? Do you like Freedom Fries?
Francois: What is zese Freedum Fries you speak of?
Drago suddenly pulls out a McDonald’s medium sized fries from his inside pocket and flashes them in front of Francois.
Drago: THESE FREEDOM FRIES. OK USA!!!!!!
Mugen and Drago both stand up promptly as an American flag rolls down from the ceiling. Both of them put their hand on their chest and start reciting the Pledge of Allegiance.
Together: Four Scores, and Seven Years Ago!
Francois: Uh…...zat don’t sound like Pledge.
Bubba walks out wearing a fancy top hat and a large black beard on his face.
Together: Be quiet Frenchman! WE HAVE A DREAM!
Bubba props himself up onto the desk and growls. Mugen turns to look at him as the lion stands upright and does the “Wakanda Forever” motion with his paws.
MEANWHILE…..
John Rust is navigating tumultuous hallways of the studio. He opens a door to find a locker room of some sort. He stealthily crouch-walks until he stops in his tracks, hearing a noise. Instinctively, he stuffs himself into a locker and slams the door shut. The custodian walks into the room and looks around.
Janitor: The f*** was that noise b?
John Rust (whispering): Be vewy vewy quiet…..They’ll never find me here.
Unfortunately for our agent, the custodian happens to be right in front of the locker he’s in. The custodian takes his mop and slams the locker with the blunt end of it.
Janitor: Is that you again, you Sam Fisher looking muthaf**************?
John Rust: NO! Uh, I mean….
The custodian rips the door open and shakes his head.
Janitor: Cops should be here any minute for your punk ass, b.
John Rust quickly shoves the custodian out of the way and runs off to a safe spot. His earpiece is screaming at him again.
???: THAT’S TWO STRIKES, RUST. ONE MORE AND YOUR ASS IS TOAST.
BACK IN THE STUDIO…..
Drago is eating some of the fries and offering them to French Quartz who keeps on refusing them.
Mugen: WHY YOU REFUSE FREEDOM? DO YOU NOT LIKE FREEDOM?! AHHHHHHHHH
Mugen sentons himself through the desk and starts spinning around in the debris while on his back.
Drago and Bubba join in and senton the sofa while French Quartz narrowly misses the impact of the madness.
The camera focuses in on Drago’s face. He’s stuffed himself with a ton of fries.
Drago: FREEDOM. ISN’T FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Drago: AAAAAAIIIIIUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH
Drago screams as pieces of fries fly out from his mouth, he suddenly implodes into little bits of dust particles.
Mugen: WELP THATS MY TIME TOO
Mugen suddenly implodes as well and disappears into dust particles to a huge roar from the audience.
Out of nowhere, regular Mugen and Drago rise up from a hole that has suddenly appeared in the middle of the soundstage. The crowd continues to roar in approval at the sight of their heroes.
Mugen: WE ARE BACK AND BETTER THAN EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Drago starts wailing on his air guitar along with the Limp Bizkit cover band, playing their rendition of Yellow Submarine, also known as: “Rollin’ (In The Yellow Submarine)”
John Rust suddenly appears crawling from behind the curtain with his gear still on.
Francois: Is zat my partner?
Sound System: THAT’S THE THIRD ALARM JOHN!!!!
John: NO!!!! PLEASE GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE!!!
Sound System: JESUS CHRIST RUST, THE MISSION IS OVER!!!!!
John Rust is seeing jumping on to the back of Francois Quartz in the last ditch attempt to save himself.
John: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ALP
John is melting away as…..
The camera pans to the announce team.
This makes me so happy!
FIRST THE ASSAULT WITH A DEADLY DESSERT AND NOW THIS!
