The camera pans to the back we see TTT member Rust Cohle trying angrily to open his bag.
Rust: Come you dumb...!! Putiiiiiiiiin mais vous tu vas t’ouvrir PUTE?!
He grabs and finally throws it to the locker room door, which makes it explode at impact. The door opens at the same time. Quartz, who is looking all happy is whistling, stops when seeing the mess all over the floor.
Quartz: Oh boy, here’s Rusty in tears again. C’mon, don’t tell me you’re still upset about losing to Moon Man.
Rust Cohle shoots his tag partner a shocking look before shouting back at him.
Rust: NO! IT’S THAT FN BAG. I. AM. NOT. ANGRY!
Quartz: Slow down big fella. Listen, you don’t have to be so mad. After all, it was on Turmoil I bet nobody watched it anyway.
Quartz grins and pulls his PRISTINE SUNGLASSES down to wink at the camera.
Quartz: Which reminds me.... You like the new shirt?
Ijitu Quartz saunters over to his TTT locker to remove the ‘Welcome to TTTurmoil’ T-shirt from his bag and he flashes it to the camera.
Rust:...Meh.
Quartz: Come on! I made it myself! You know, I can get you one too, you know.
Random ‘gameshow’ style music blasts out of nowhere as Quartz steps dramatically in front of the camera with the t-shirt flipped around revealing his logo and the “LEGENDARY” word.
Rust Cohle is seen behind him with his head in his hand, embarrassed.
Quartz: ...And our wonderful TTT fans can get their hands on one by visiting OCWShop.com and using promo code “Trash” to get 20% off their first purchase.
Rust: Really? I thought we talked about this. You’re selling out already?
Quartz: No Rusty! Merch drives the business! Sensation’s checks aren’t cutting it by themselves these days.
Quartz throws the shirt down and wraps his arm around Rusty’s shoulder, throwing his hand up and wiping it overhead, as if to incite imagination.
Quartz: Rusty! Think about it! We’re talking big checks… big money… big women… big fun!
Rust: Did you just say big women?
Quartz nods in excitement.
Quartz: That’s right! I’ve seen the type of girls you’re into, Rusty. You could have it all. I mean ALL.
Rust: Oh, you mean that woman that YOU took back with you to the hotel?
Quartz: Don’t deflect, it’s okay! I am not here to judge. We’re friends!
Rust throws Quartz arm off and walks back to his locker to pick up the several pieces of his bag that were destroyed moments earlier.
Quartz looks confused before picking his shirt back up and frantically waving it towards the camera with a smile before the camera fades to black.
The camera pans to the announce team.
What a scoundrel!
AY! Fat BISHES NEED LOVE TOO SCAGGS. Judgemental ass...
The Xtron Flickers On
The hallways backstage, a most familiar sight. It’s the sound that stands out, the echo of a scraping or scratching in the distance. It becomes clear after just a few seconds that it’s two separate sounds working in harmony, one light, hollow, the other heavier and thick.
The sound is interrupted by something closer, the sound of plastic wheels rolling. The One Man Revolution, Bobby Minio, steps into frame, pushing a cooler by the handle, coasting on its wheels as he maneuvers through the empty portion of the backstage area.
He turns, angling himself so he can push a locker room door open with his back and shoulder, rolling the cooler in with him as he goes, and the camera follows. He turns, looking into a corner off camera, complaining.
Bobby Minio: You know, Muge, you could have at least got the door.
Minio drops the handle of the cooler and it thuds to the ground, the clanking of bottles precariously stuffed into the cooler ringing out. Down the hall, the shuffling sounds continue and grow closer.
Bobby Minio: Cool, sweet. I’ll just talk to myself.
He throws his arms up in the air, letting out an exasperated sigh. He’s waiting for a response, but no response comes. Finally, he snaps.
Bobby Minio: MUGEN! TALK TO ME!
The camera pans to the side, showing an asian man, shirtless, a figurative spare tire sitting on his lap, with neon paint haphazardly streaked over his face. He looks confused and out of his element.
Not Mugen: That’s my cue? Ah… sorry. I thought my name was supposed to be…
He glances down at a sheet of paper, a rough outline of his character.
Not Mugen: Mugen?
Minio’s eyes begin to roll out of his head.
Bobby Minio: C’mon man… you’re… you’re really breaking my immersion here! We’re supposed to be Battle Brothers! C4 Forever! You know, bang bang!
Minio slings finger pistols from invisible holsters towards the asian man, who, with a confused look on his face, raises his hands as if at gun point.
Not Mugen: Like… like this?
Minio’s arms drop down to his sides, the air flowing out of his lungs at a rapid rate.
Bobby Minio: NO! Goddamnit! How am I supposed to have my big celebration after another win tonight without my C4 brothers… BROTHER, here to hold it down?
Not Mugen: I’m just really confused, I’m sorry I’m not familiar with the product here.
Bobby Minio: They told me you were an improv actor, that you could ACT. ACT LIKE YOU BELONG.
Not Mugen: You have me dressed up like BD Wong at Studio 54…
Bobby Minio: At least BD Wong at Studio 54 would look like he was having fun for Christ’s sake! Yeah, lets go with that, tap into that! Just start… thinking you’re turning Japanese! Walk like an egy-... asian?
Not Mugen: You know what dude? I’m ****ing Cambodian. BD Wong is Chinese, and I don’t think you even know what your “friend” is. I’m out of here.
Bobby Minio: GOOD. Good get the hell out!
The man is already standing, collecting his shirt and cellphone from a nearby table. Minio is silently watching him, before piping up just as the man is about to walk out of the door.
Bobby Minio: You know you’re not getting paid for this gig now, right?
The man stops in his tracks, staring at Minio in disbelief before flipping a middle finger up at Minio.
Bobby Minio: What is that, ancient Cambodian for “Yes, I know I’m not getting paid”? Sweet I’ll make sure to use that next time Jaysin Sensation stiffs me over this stupid debt!
Minio stands, a furious look on his face before he leans out into the hallway, shouting in the man’s general direction.
Bobby Minio: YOU TELL THAT UCB THEATRE THAT YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF BUMS! NO, CHECK THAT, BUMS AT LEAST KNOW HOW TO ACT CRAZY! YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF ZEROES!
Bobby Minio: NEXT TIME I'LL HIRE KEN JEONG! HE WAS A REAL LIFE DOCTOR!
He turns back into the room, huffing and puffing. He reels back, ready to slam his left fist into the concrete wall when a different voice speaks up from the hallway.
Staff Member: Mr. Minio? We have those items you requested.
The camera pans back around to the door, revealing a OCW staff member, sweat glistening his forehead, as he stands out in the hall struggling to hold up a kiddie sitting pool and a rubbermaid trash bin.
Minio steps forward, grabbing the trash bin, a relieved smile on his face as he leaves the staff member to wrestle the kiddie pool through the doorway.
Bobby Minio: Finally, something goes right! Here, set the white trash hot tub over in the corner there, next to the cooler.
Staff Member: Uh, okay.
Bobby Minio: These are the shirts right? You didn’t clear out the merch booth did you? I still want the mar-er… kids… to be able to represent at school.
Staff Member: What do I do with this?
Minio turns his attention to the staff member, a shirt in his hand which lowers to his side as he begins dolling out orders.
Bobby Minio: Fill it up, with what’s in the cooler.
The cooler creaks open, revealing bottle after bottle of the same champagne from last week’s celebration.
Staff Member: What exactly is all this?
Bobby Minio: Well, when I go out there tonight and handle my business, I expect to return back here, with a slip and slide leading from the hall way into that pool, filled with champagne. See it’s simple really kid. Big personality. Big wins. Big celebrations. Any questions?
Staff Member: A few, yeah.
Minio looks around the room, his face twisting into confusion.
Bobby Minio: Does one of them include ‘where should I put the slip and slide’?
Staff Member: Uh, no. No that’s not one of them.
Bobby Minio: Did you forget the slip and slide?
Staff Member: Did you ASK for a slip and slide?
Minio groans, his grand celebration mostly ruined. He begins to bury his face into the t-shirt, when he sees the front, he pauses.
Bobby Minio: What the… REAL… OSAKA… GANGSTER?
Staff Member: Oh no. Wait I can fix-
Bobby Minio: What’s this crap? What is this GARBAGE?
Staff Member: They gave me the wrong shirts, but I ca-
Bobby Minio: This is an entire garbage can of these shirts?! How did you not check?!
Staff Member: M-my hands were f-full!
Bobby Minio: What the hell am I supposed to give to all of my entourage who join me in my celebration?!
Staff Member: … What entourage?
Where rage would normally exist, only a blank expression sits. Minio stares blankly at the man for all of five seconds before he reaches into his pocket, retrieving a zippo lighter, a C4 logo etched into the body.
He runs it down his pant leg, lighting the zippo before dropping it into the bin filled with shirts. The staff member looks on in horror. Minio grabs his gear bag, storming out into the hall, issuing commands over his shoulder.
Bobby Minio: I’m getting changed. You clean this up. Also, radio up to the Morrison position. Tell them I want a microphone. Immediately.
Staff Member: W-wait… wait I don’t have a fire extinguisher!
The camera man follows Minio out into the hall, Minio turning to slam the door behind him. Pounding and shouting can be heard on the door frame from inside the room.
Minio begins unzipping his bag, reaching in to retrieve his boots as he storms down the hall, kicking his street clothes off as he walks on a mission. The camera cuts to ringside.
The camera pans to the announce team.
Hahah I love it!
Are you insane?
The Camera Pans To The Ramp
The crowd is stunned to learn the identity of Agent Dillinger's newest client. Images of Telos' reign of terror over the last 3 weeks still fresh in the minds of the OCW universe.
Dillinger: So here we are, OCW. Finally the day I've been waiting for.
Dillinger: Telos is here to dismantle another Riot 'superstar'.
Telos is quietly removing his jacket, placing it ringside in preparation for his match.
Dillinger: If you didn't notice his victories over KD and Brody Braddock... Maybe you recognize him as the man who dominated Cort Marshall and got rid of that idiot Ta--
Telos snatches the microphone from the hand of Dillinger before he can finish his sentence. A look of horror comes over the face of the agent as the crowd cheers Telos for shutting him up.
Telos: Shut the hell up. I didn't do that for you.
The OCW universe once again turns on Telos, booing him for the comment.
Telos: Talking is for those who can't get it done in the ring, Dennis.
Telos: Lucky for all of you people... and especially YOU...
He points a finger at Dennis Dillinger.
Telos: ... I'm a man of action. So enough of this. Save it for your press release. Bring out the fresh meat.
Dillinger begins to laugh nervously as he approaches his client and begins pointing and shouting at the ramp. Telos slowly nods his head as Doc Green's theme finally echoes throughout the arena!
DOC GREEN vs TELOS
The camera pans to the announce team.
He got it!
Oh my!
We transition over to the Light Heavyweight Champion, Drago Cesar, looking quite annoyed as someone seems to be laughing in the background. The camera pans out to reveal that he is trapped in a small cage.
Drago: This not funny.
The camera turns to reveal the Scarlet Spider laughing and pointing at Drago.
RYU: HAHAHA. You have been outsmarted by the smartest man to walk barefoot through the locker room!
Drago: I suppose to manage Mugen for match tonight. Let me out. Now.
Spider wags his index finger.
RYU: Now now, don’t be so hasty, Mr. Cesar. You’ll be released as soon as the match is over and done with. Not like we want any shenanigans during the match!
Drago: But Rust still in there, yes?
RYU: Yes, and?
Drago: So you guys will make shenanigan instead.
Spider makes a thinking face.
RYU: Its not shenanigans if we do it.
The hunter scoffs and starts shaking the metal bars of the cage like he’s a gorilla.
Spider pulls out a phone and starts messing around with it.
RYU: Nice phone you have here…..Would be a shame if someone were to….change the password on the lock screen.
Drago: Why you have to be like this? Get me out!!!! Give me phone!!!
Spider laughs maniacally as he changes the password to something impossible to guess. He tosses it back to Drago.
RYU: There you go. Not like it’s gonna be of any use to you now HAHAHAHAAHAH!!!!!!!
Drago looks at the lock screen and thinks about what the new password could be as Spider starts taunting at him from outside the cage.
RYU: T. T. T. F-F-F-F-FO LYFE!!!!!!!
RYU: P3 AIN’T NUTHIN.
RYU: WE TAKIN’ OVER RIOT. TURMOIL. MOMENTUM. AMBITION. EVERYTHING.
RYU: TTT DOMINATION!!!!!
Drago starts typing in what he thinks the password is.
T.
T.
T.
Drago successfully manages to access his phone, much to the chagrin of Trash.
RYU: Wha- How???? How dare you!!!!
Drago: You won’t shut up about it, so it was first guess.
Drago starts to call Mugen, all the while Spider is screaming at him, trying to reach for Drago’s phone.
Mugen: Old sport! Ready to watch the King of Kindness show how it’s done tonight?
Drago: Uh, I’m might be late.
Mugen: I knew I shouldn’t have left you alone to travel! How do you keep getting lo-
Drago: No is not that. Listen.
The hunter puts the phone towards Spider, who is seething.
RYU: NATE SUCKS.
RYU: P3 SUCKS.
RYU: SENSATION SUCKS.
RYU: PUGH SUCKS.
RYU: BUBBA IS JUST A LITTLE PUS-
Drago: And that’s enough from you.
Drago pulls back the phone to his ear.
Mugen: Oh my. Where are you?
Drago: In cage.
Mugen: A cage?
Drago: Yeah. Is like cube, but cheaper.
Mugen: That’s a shame.
Drago: So hopefully CQC don’t try something stupid in your match. I’m try to find way out of this mess.
Mugen: No worries old sport, I have it all under control!
Drago: Good. I see you out there.
Drago hangs up and looks to Spider, who is still screaming at him. The hunter looks around the cage for a means of escape as we fade to black.
The camera pans to the announce team.
He has lost his mind!
OR HAS HE FOUND IT?
KAT vs VALKYRIE
The camera pans to the announce team.
WHAT!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
As Riot rolls on, we switch shots to a close-up of the Pride Title, which its holder, Cort Marshall, is currently polishing. He runs a cloth back and forth over the metal, whistling some dixie tune as he does so.
Cort: There we go, nice ‘n’ clean. Just like my wrestling… hold on, missed a spot.
He wipes it some more, but nothin’ doing--seems like this one is a bit more taciturn. He curses and sets the title on his lap, applying more pressure and scrubbing faster. Suddenly, the locker room door opens.
Jim: Ah, there you--what are you doing!!
Jim gasps in shock at seeing Cort, hunched over, quickly rubbing something near his crotch.
Cort looks up.
Cort: Just polishing my belt, Jim! Gotta have her nice and shiny for the cameras, don’tchya know.
He holds the belt up for Jim to inspect.
Jim: … I see.
Cort: What kind of reaction was that, anyway?
Jim shakes his head.
Jim: Nothing. Just… the things you see in this company.
Cort is still oblivious.
Cort: Well, cheer up, Jim! Tonight you get to see me here in the main event! Top of the charts, five and a half stars, and platinum records, baby!
Jim: Indeed... that wraps back to why I’m here. Are you ready to take on the force of personality known as Bobby Minio?
Cort: Jim, you should know that America is always ready.
Jim: But you saw last week, he took out AC Cobra faster than you can say “Gamers rise up!”
Cort: First of all, I don't know what that means. Second, AC Cobra isn’t the OCW Pride Champion.
Cort hoists the belt for the camera.
Cort: Minio’s a tough guy, and that "Deadly Rhythem" can come out anywhere, at any time. And he has more experience in OCW than I do. But I’m confident, and my partner Shepherd is confident, that I’m going to walk away with a win tonight.
Cort:
I’m not just here to spew out patriotic catchphrases--as much as I love that--I’m here to prove that beating KD was no fluke. So watch the skies, Jim: when I give Minio a taste of the Cortplex, it’s gonna look like the fourth of July as all the Cortamaniacs celebrate the most American way possible--by setting off tons of illegal fireworks!
Jim: I feel compelled to let our viewers know that we do NOT endorse…
Cort: Forget about it, Jim! If people out there are watching OCW, that’s like the least dangerous thing they could imitate. Any fat kids try doing a 630, that’s when we’re in trouble!
Cort claps Jim on the back, who coughs.
Jim: There you have it folks, confidence as usual from Cort Marshall. Back to you at the booth.
