Valkyrie: Feels so good to be back here. Technically I am not reinstated yet, but tonight I'm finally going to find out at which condition Mr. Sensation is going to get me back on the active roster.
Valkyrie:
I want to have a chance to explain my actions first, though.
Valkyrie: I get it. Most people in OCW are just a gimmick and a couple of repeated lines. But I'm not. I'm a human being. And because of that, I have a fully fleshed out personality. I feel emotions and I react accordingly.
Valkyrie: Was any of you really expecting me to put a dear friend of mine through a table?
Valkyrie:
Were you expecting me to injure a woman who was just brutally assaulted by a man she trusted as a mentor?
Valkyrie:
Were you expecting me not to show fear when scheduled to compete in a match that could potentially have ended my career?
Valkyrie: When you were forcing me to compete in these messed up stipulations, were you really expecting anything different from me?
Valkyrie:
You know me. Did I cross the line at some point? Sure I did. I'm young and stupid.
Valkyrie:
You are old and bitter but once you were as young and as stupid as I am now.
Valkyrie paces back and forth. She's is getting nervous and so is the crowd.
Valkyrie: You want me to say “sorry”? I'll say it. I'm sorry. I truly am. Now come out here and tell what your condition is, boss.
There is a full minute of silence, while Valkyrie is waiting for Our Hero to show up. As the crowd is growing restless, Mr. Sensation finally appears on stage.
Our Hero: Let me first say thank you Valk for coming here tonight! Let's give Sarah a hand!
The Crowd Cheers for Valk!
Our Hero: Now let me get this straight you start an apology by calling me old and bitter? ARE YOU SERIOUS VALKYRIE!!!!!
Our Hero stares a hole through Valkyrie!!!!
Our Hero: You RAGGEDY!!
Our Hero stops himself!
Our Hero: You're dam right I'm old but I am not bitter! I've just forgotton more things in my life time that you have yet to experiance. But lets not turn this into a Pissing contest, because quite frankly I'm much bigger and I have more Piss.....
The Crowd Cheers for Our Hero's mention of Urine (why we don't know)
Our Hero: Look Valkyrie let me make this simple. I don't agree with this youth movement, I don't agree with FAME, I don't agree with how you handle yourself most times...but I get it. The folly of youth and all that.......
Our Hero looks around.......at the capacity crowd.
Our Hero: I accept your apology Valkyrie!
MSG comes unglued!!! as chants of VALK VALK VALK VALK!
Our Hero: I want this to be a reset button Valkyrie, Your suspension from RIOT is hereby lifted!!!!
Our Hero: Under one condition! In Order for us to really have a clean slate I need you to prove to me how much you have matured! I need you to show me that you can be a leader!
Our Hero: I need You, BELLE and Lotus Flojo to DEFEAT the team of Ashley, Empress and Blaine! at ROAD 2 GLORY!!!!!!!!!!!
The Crowd Cheers!
Our Hero: Do that and you get more time than just Riot 530!
Valkyrie smiles, as she is finally aware of what the condition is.
Valkyrie: You think this is a game? My life, my career, my dreams are on the line. Is this a joke to you? Is this a way to sell tickets for a stupid PPV? Or is it another way for you to make fun of my misfortune?
Valkyrie: But you know what? We will prove you wrong. We are going to find a way to win. And if that doesn't work, I am going to bury all three of them by myself, like I did to the rest of our division this Season. Our Hero: That's the spirit!!!
The Camera Fades as MSG once again breaks out into a VALK Chanting Spree!
Cort sits on a bench in the lockerroom, remote control in hand and a bucket of popcorn on his lap. He reaches in and grabs a handful, stuffing it into his mouth.
The camera pans from him to the TV, showing what he’s watching: dual-screened on the TV are the endings to Bobby Minio vs Tiberius Dupree and Doc Green vs Paul Pugh, synched up to run at the same time.
He hits play again, and we relive the last moments of each; Minio tapping Dupree out and Doc hitting the JJE to pin Pugh. Once more he replays it, laughing.
Cort: OOOOOH SNAP! Hold on… let’s hit the slow-mo…
The clips slow down, and Green’s boot impacts Pugh’s face frame by frame, showing in rather unflattering, $9.99-per-month HD detail how an old man’s cheek is deformed when kicked.
Cort: You can actually pinpoint the second when his heart rips in half!
He does the same for Dupree’s clip before being interrupted. Tre Golden, fresh off his match with Hijo del Mistico, opens the door to the room, catching Cort mid-handful.
Golden: What are you doing?
Cort: Cultivating mass… and enjoying myself after that disappointing 4-way.
Golden: Well, on your feet Soldier, You gotta fight Spidah.
Cort shrugs.
Cort: To be honest, I sorta feel bad for the guy. I mean, he has a broken ass, right?
Tre: Homie, Don’t tell me you believe that video. They’re 2D cutouts!
Cort: 2-D? Is that some kind of engine oil weight? Looked pretty real to me.
Tre: Anyway, champs don’t live in the past. Sucks that sneaky Amber Rose wannabe Maxwale got one over on us… but I’m not letting you give up now. Shepherd’s still around, right? ‘MURRICA still needs to be defended, right?
Cort sighs.
Cort: Yeah, I guess so. All right.
He puts the popcorn down and gets up to follow Tre out of the room. Tre stops for moment and his glaze lingers on the OCW Pride Title and The World Heavyweight Championship on the screen. Longing evident in his eyes, Golden smiles and lets Cort exit before him, and makes his exit out of the door.
The camera lingers by the bucket for a few moments, and we wonder why… before arn arm sneaks out from the shadows under the bench and grabs a handful! We see a ghostly face emerge from the darkness--AC Cobra was here the whole time!
AC: Must grab carbses when the Tre is away…
Tre runs back into the room with surprising speed, yanking Cobra out from under the bench.
Tre: And your ass got a match with the number one contender for the CCW Championship right now. You almost won that fatal four way, you got the momentum on your side…. let’s go get it!
Golden drags Cobra out of the room as he weakly grabs for the now spilled bucket of popcorn.
AC: Gamer… fuel...
At the OCW Media Studios, Stacy Clarke and random producer guy #7 are about to record a podcast version of The Clarke Effect. Stacy is in the studio going over her notes. Her boom mic is down and almost touching her desk.
PG #7: Stacy, can I get a quick sound check?
Stacy lifts the boom up to her and adjusts it to stay in place. She begins making some humming noises as Producer Guy plays with the levels.
Stacy: Eddie edits. Red letter, yellow letter. Betty Botter bought some butter, but she said this butter is bitter.
Producer Guy give Stacy the thumbs up through the glass. Stacy nods and grabs her headphones, plugs them into her station and puts them over her ears.
PG #7: I think we are good there. So quick intro about the last two weeks of shows. We’ll bring on MAXWALE. Talk about the 4 way and his upcoming match with Pride Champ Bobby Minio. Then we’ll come back with a in-depth review of CG and Riot with Gabe Seltzer.
Stacy: Sounds good to me.
PG #7: Alright, let's fire up the intro in 3…. 2…..
Announcer Voice:(Generic Rock music plays) This is the Clarke Effect Podcast. Sponsored by OCWFED.com and the OCW Network on Twitch.tv. Now, here’s Stacy Clarke.
Stacy: Welcome to the Clarke Effect Podcast, my name is Stacy Clarke. Thank you for joining us today. And wow, what an amazing last two weeks we had in OCW land.
Stacy: Great show for you today. We will go over the tide changing pay-per-view that was Certified Greatness and the aftermath on Riot 528. But first we will speak with our guest this week. His second time on the Clarke Effect and is the new #1 contender for the OCW Pride title. Here is MAXWALE. MAXWALE how are you?
MAXWALE: Well would you look at this. Not only am I the #1 contender for the Pride Championship. But I see Young Stacy has took my advice from the last time I was on this god forsaken show, mini series or whatever the hell you wanna call it, and made it into a podcast. Good for you Stacy.
Stacy: We branch out to all forms of media MAXWALE.
MAXWALE: Well you sure do have the face for radio. But let’s get on with it. Ask me your silly and lacklust questions.
Stacy: I’m going to ignore that comment and we will start with this. You were heavily involved with Cort Marshall, Tre Golden and AC Cobra leading up to the 4 way match for the #1 Contenders match on Riot 528. Take me through your mindset in preparation for that match.
MAXWALE: Well Stacy, let me turn that question back to you. What do you think the mindset was for the cavalcade of mediocrity that stood across the ring from me in that match? Oh don’t worry I can answer that for you. They were scared. They were shaking in their boots. No training, no film study or prayers to whoever could have prepared them for MAXWALE.
MAXWALE: Meanwhile, I was born and bread for moments like that. Born and bread for opportunities like that. There was not a doubt in my mind as to what the outcome of the match would be. And now, they will wade in the waters of average and not-quite-good enough. While MAXWALE heads to Road 2 Glory and will stake claim to that OCW Pride title.
Stacy: Speaking of the Pride title. Bobby Minio has been on a bit of a roller coaster as of late. Coming from the high of knocking off Hall of Famer Tiberius Dupree to getting knocked off in a non title match against TTT member and one half of CQC Quartz on Riot. Your thoughts on Minio.
MAXWALE:(Chuckles to himself) You know... I came to OCW to face the absolute best that professional wrestling has to offer. But in recent weeks I’ve been saddled with The Three Stooges and now I have Groucho Marx in my sights.
MAXWALE: I mean sure Chico Minio has the gift of gab. And yea he managed to muster up a title reign before the end of his sorry and pathetic career is over. But you’re delusional to think that MAXWALE is not going to walk out of Road 2 Glory sans title.
MAXWALE: I mean we’ve seen this song and dance before. Riot 513, I beat Bobby Minio 1,2,3 in the center of the ring. Everyone knows what it outcome will be. So what we should do is skip all the song and dance. He should walk down to that ring at R2G, get in that familiar position of counting the ring lights for the 3 count. And MAXWALE will become your new OCW Pride Champion.
Stacy: That is very ambitious of you. Now I’ve seen Bobby Minio in OCW for some time now and I feel like this is not the same Minio we’ve grown accustomed to. I see a much different fire lit under him. Do you feel that you are over looking him just a tad?
MAXWALE: I think you are overlooking MAXWALE. I think that MAXWALE just beat 3 other OCW Superstars, despite their lack of any talent in that ring, to earn this title shot. And I think that Bobby Minio couldn’t hold a candle to MAXWALE then, now and always. I honestly don’t think I’ve had an easier match in my entire career.
Stacy: Well I’d have to disagree with you there MAXWALE. But don’t tell me that, why don’t you tell the OCW Pride Champion himself as he joins us on The Clarke Effect. Bobby Minio, are you there?
Bobby Minio: Yeah Stace, I’m here, I almost dozed off listening to the same old SHIT as always, so thanks for bringing me in here and giving me something to do.
Bobby Minio: Stacy, ladies and gentlemen from the online audience, let me tell you first hand; the script is out on the Anti-Minio promo.
His voice shifts, as he takes a deliberate nad mocking tone.
Bobby Minio: Bobby is a bum, Bobby scraped together a title run, Bobby has always been all talk, I’m gonna be Bobby again.
It shifts back to his normal, booming delivery.
Bobby Minio: WE GET IT. We can sit here, we can trade shots for hours, but at the end of the day I’ll take the edge there and ultimately, all we do at this point is give you something more to lose, because it’s not just the Pride title on the line, it’s your PRIDE on the line too. You run your mouth, you meet me in the ring and you come up short, after taking a win over me already, who’s the chump here?
Bobby Minio: So I go on, and maybe I lose the title, what happens then? I accomplish more in two months without a win than most of these people will accomplish in two years. I have been main eventing, consistently, for six straight years. Regardless of what people think of my chances, I’m always in the picture. There isn’t a champion in this company across either brand that wouldn’t put their strap on the line for a chance to shut me up, and they’ll never succeed. Not one of them, but I might walk away with their title. Then what?
Bobby Minio: So Maxwale, talk that shit. Get it all out of your system, clear your mind… then sit down and take a long hard look inside, to figure out what happens AFTERWARDS. What happens after you fail, and you go to the back of the line after failing to win my title and make me look like something less than I’ve proven, all year long, than I am. WHAT THEN?
There’s a short pause of radio silence before you start to hear a slow clap coming from MAXWALE’s end of the line. He begins to talk over the clapping.
MAXWALE: Oh. Well look who decided to grow some hair on their chest and bass in their voice. You deserve an Oscar, an Academy Award, a Tony Award. (The clapping stops) But what you don’t deserve is that OCW Pride Title and you don’t deserve one more second of my time. Stacy, you’re a true skank for ruining my appearance on this god forsaken podcast that I CREATED!!!
MAXWALE: I didn’t come on here to be ambushed by this blowhard….
Bobby Minio: That’s the pot calling the kettle black for sure.
MAXWALE: Your weeks are numbered. And this interview is over.
MAXWALE’s line goes silent. Stacy peeks over at Producer Guy and he motions to confirm that the MAXWALE hung up.
Stacy: Well that spun out of control. But I can’t wait to see these two get their hands on each other at Road 2 Glory. The last stop on the road to Wrestlution.
Stacy: Bobby, thank you for joining us on such short notice and I hope to see you soon.
Bobby Minio: My pleasure, thank you.
Stacy: Coming up, we’ll deep dive into Certified Greatness and Riot 528 with pro wrestling insider Gabe Seltzer. But first a word from our sponsers.
The scene fades as Stacy begins to read the commercial copy.
B17 vs A.C. COBRA
We transition over to the P3 Soundstage 9000! The stage is almost pitch black, with very weak sources of light strewn about.
Suddenly, the studio audience is peppered with lasers from all over the stage, with screams in the background and sounds of random explosions reverberating all over the stage.
Several members of the audience are visibly frightened for their lives. “Fred Durst” appears from behind the drum set with a some sort of highly powered laser rifle in hand.
“Fred”: People prepare themselves for a zombie invasion? Not me. I’m f***ing ready for some ALIENS!
“Fred” remains crouched and carefully crawls from one side of the stage to the other, all the while dodging the laser fire. He sees two shadowy figures approach him and he has his rifle pointed, ready to blast whatever alien scum comes his way.
Fortunately, the two figures jump to the stage and it’s P3, wearing some sort of getup that could only be appropriate for laser tag and carrying laser tag blasters.
Drago shoots Mugen in his laser vest and it emits an ear-bleeding alarm sound.
Mugen: Guess you got me old sport!
Mugen then points his blaster at “Fred” and blasts him, although instead of nothing happening like you would think, “Fred” immediately turns into specks of dust.
Drago stands in shock while Mugen dusts himself off. The only thing that “Fred” leaves behind is his signature red hat. Drago looks at his blaster.
Drago: What kind of blaster you have?
Mugen: The kind only money can buy. Lots and lots and lots of money. And interdimensional haggling.
Mugen leans in to his blaster.
Mugen: Set phasers to….Trips.
The blaster makes a strange noise, then Mugen points his blaster at a random member of the audience. He blasts him and he falls asleep immediately. He holsters his weapon and high fives Drago.
Both: WELCOME TO THE P3 BONANZA!!!!!!
Mugen cartwheels over to his desk while Drago tries to do some fancy tricks with his blaster, but as he throws it up to catch it, he slips and the blaster falls to the floor.
He kicks it away and takes his seat on the couch. Bubba comes out from behind the couch and tries to chew on the blaster.
Drago: Lady and gentleman. Tonight we have very interesting guest. He come from….somewhere? I dunno. But he have his specialty.
Mugen: That’s right Drago. Rumor has it, the only thing this man knows how to do…..is “throwing it up”.
Drago: What, like he puke or something?
Mugen: We’re about to find out! THROW IT UP, IT’S AKITA!!!!
The camera pans over to the curtain as it’s quite literally thrown up by Akita. He then lets go of the curtain and starts to walk away.
Drago: No no, come back!
Akita turns around and is surprised by Drago’s request. He looks around and Drago pats the seat next to him. Akita snorts and reaches under to throw up the couch.
Mugen: NO! Just have a seat!
Akita very awkwardly plants his butt on the couch next to Drago. Then you hear a few thuds over the speakers as if someone tapped a microphone.
Out from behind the curtains to raid on this bananza is The Future OCW World Heavyweight Champion H2O. He looks a bit more comfortable these days as he walks out wearing jeans, a hoodie and sneakers.
He is continuing to enjoy his break from in ring action after being concussed from his last fight against Kassidy Hayes at Certified Greatness.
He is also continuing to enjoy walking around trying to ruin Drago’s mojo.
H2O: The shenanigans! Oh, oh my look around at the shenanigans!
The audience boos Harvey Ocean. You hear several shouts of, “Get off the stage!” “You’re killing my high!” “Where’s Valkyrie!”
H2O stops walking towards Drago and Akita to look at the person who just said “Where’s Valkyrie!”. It’s a fat guy sitting in the front row wearing a sleeveless P3 T-shirt. An overwhelming feeling of disgust fulfills H2O’s face.
H2O: You would say that! You look like the type that’s sits in your mother’s basement and try to catfish people like Valkyrie using Drago’s face all day.
H2O: H2O will tell you that you will fail either way! So stop with the shenanigans!
H2O reverts his attention back towards Drago after completely dismissing the fat fans reaction he’s showing towards H2O’s back. One can only imagine what that reaction is.
H2O: H2O just showed up to see how “The Best In The World” live his daily life outside the squared circle. Let me tell you after looking around Harvey can see why you failed at Certified Greatness.
Akita starts to growl as Harvey steps in too close to Drago. H2O stops and smiles at the cute puppy.
H2O: Tyson used to have two American BULLIES that used to follow him around. Now to think of it, H2O has to ask why they aren’t around anymore. But anyways…
H2O: This little vixen is cute….
H2O pauses for a moment and clutches the microphone with both hands. His posture now replicates a cookie cutter 1980’s game show host.
H2O: Not as cute and cuddly as Dragana. Now that’s a bad b(beep)ch.
You hear the audience give out a loud “Oooh”. The sound of silence comes over the crowd. H2O smiles from ear to ear.
Drago thinks for a moment, biting his lip. He then pushes himself off of the couch and kicks the microphone stand away from H2O. He stares him down, his stone-faced expression causing Harvey to back up, raising his hands slightly above his chest.
Harvey backs up to the curtain with a smirk on his face. Drago turns to Akita.
Drago: Akita. Why don’t you throw up something that describe Harvey.
Akita walks behind the couch and crouches over looking for something. Bubba leaves his comfy spot behind the couch to let Akita find what he needs. Eventually Akita stands up and throws up a large “L”.
Mugen: HA! That’s for the BIG FAT L from last year! BOOM
Harvey glares at Mugen with such intensity that could power the sun for eternities. Mugen has a peaceful grin on his face as he knows what he just said.
Harvey: You two...are just ridiculous. You finally have some class and dignity on the show and you still resort to these shenanigans?
Mugen and Drago look at each other and nod sheepishly.
Mugen: Hey, Harvey. Think fast!
With barely a moment’s notice, Mugen grabs his laser blaster and throws it at Harvey who barely gets a hold of it before a round fires off into the crowd sending an audience member into dust.
