We’re back to the ring after Cort Marshall vs. Spider Matsumoto. Cort poses on the turnbuckle, playing to the crowd, while Spider surreptitiously motions for a microphone.

As Cort jumps down, Spider suddenly theatrically clutches his ass and begins to groan in pain. It sounds sort of like that girl who fell off the platform while stomping grapes.

RYU: Curse you! You’ve broken my already broken ass even more with your ILLEGAL OUTSIDE OF RING TACTICS!

Cort: Hey man, I’m sorry, but you gotta take that up with Drago. I’m just doing my job here. Maybe you shouldn’t be jumping around booty-first if you don’t wanna get hurt! Take care of yourself.

Spider continues to writhe in pain on the ground clutching at his rear end making strange noises.

RYU: HOW DARE YOU!

Cort: Uh-huh. Well I’mma go now.

Cort is halfway through the ropes when familiar music hits. Christian Shepherd comes out to the ramp, brandishing a microphone of his own.

Shepherd: What have we here. The ugly American shows his true colours, injuring one of our top-tier competitors. What’s the problem, Cort? Mad that you still keep choking?

Cort frowns, before turning back to Spider and snatching his mic.

Spider: HEY! That’s mine!

Cort: Could say the same about you… haven’t been around much since that three way for the Pride title.

Shep: Yeah, funny thing… the title that he pinned YOU for… despite the fact that I was champ. I should still BE champ. 

Shep: You know know one would expect the powers at be to give the unpinned former champion a rematch right? But no Wrestlution is around the corner and an old timer gets another shot.

Shep: Minio should be snorting lines in an alley or whatever he does in his spare time. And you should be packing your bags and heading back to fuck knows Arizona to sit around the BBQ with your fat family and your fat kids and your fat neighbors!

Cort shrugs, grinning.

Cort: Hey, only SOME of my neighbors are fat.

Shep: So you admit your daddy is 450 lbs and counting, huh?

Cort: He ain’t around no more, bud.

Shep: Good!

Cort drops the grin, Shep having hit a nerve.

Cort: God rest his soul, you’re gonna regret that.

He throws down the mic and runs to the ropes, but Spider is up and ambushes him from behind, tossing him over the ropes and down to the floor. Shepherd runs down the ramp and aims a flying dropkick straight into the chest of Cort as he gets up, pushing him into the apron with a thump.

Shepherd stands over him and grins.

Shep: Still the same old sorry sack of potatoes that I dropped last year. The more things change the more they stay the same. On your very best day you don’t hold a candle to me on my worst day. 

Shep gets on the ground and starts doing push ups as Cort stirs on the ground. He gets a little too close for comfort and Shep hops up and delivers a stiff kick to Cort’s abdomen.

Shep: You’re worse than a damn cockroach.

Shep makes his way up the ramp.

Shep: I’ll be seeing you...

FINALE