Stacy Clark: Siddhant! Siddhant!
Clark and her camera cronies rush down the hallway to catch the lumbering giant as he smashes doors and throws production equipment.
Clark: Can you comment on your elimination by Joe Deaver in the Battle Royal earlier?
Siddhant rounds on Clark, towering over both her and the mic that they tried to dangle above him.
Siddhant: Deaver? You mean future victim! Siddhant was not eliminated by Deaver. NO! Siddhant was eliminated by gravity!
Siddhant: But it does not matter. There were two more victims for Mr. Bookerman to see. Mr. Bookman and Mr. Manager they see. Yes. They see! You see! The fans see! Siddhant sees more victims!
With that Siddhant turns and stomps away.
OCW WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP
LOTUS FLOJO vs. LA MUJERA(c)
The Camera Pans To The Commentary Team
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WHAT! |
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This is a travesty of justice! |
We fade in the P3 Soundstage, where The Sultan of Safety Mugen and The “Best in the World” Drago Cesar are suited up in formal attire, standing in front of a giant screen. Meanwhile Bubba, Mac, and Tosh are enjoying the time-honored tradition of chewing on Mugen’s Legendz Champion Chip.
Mugen: Welcome ladies and gentlemen.
Drago: You might be ask why we doing thing so fancy today.
Mugen: Unfortunately for them, 2k have tasked us with providing part of the roster reveal and more importantly, the overall ratings for each wrestler in their brand new smash hit, OCW 2k22.
Drago: What is overall?
Mugen: It’s like your power level old sport. Goes from one to one hundred.
Drago: Oh I see. Wait why you say smesh hit? Is not even out yet.
Mugen: First up!
The screen flashes an image of OCW Champion Ijitu Quartz. Mugen strokes his chin in deep, contemplative thought.
Drago: Quartz! This not too hard. Hold OCW Champion for long time, future legend. I would say something like ninety….
Mugen: Eighty four.
Drago lets out an incredulous gasp.
Drago: This a little low isn’t it?
Mugen: I don’t hate him.
Drago: I….ok. Next?
Drago points at the screen as the image switches over to a render of The Franchize Nate Ortiz.
Drago: Oh, is Goat! Well this is easy. One hun….
Mugen: Ninety.
Drago: Really? After all he done for like a decade and a half?
The Sensational Impersonator throws a tomato at Mugen, barely missing him.
The Sensational Impersonator: Disrespectful ass muthaf****!!!!! THAT’S MY BOY!!!!! HOW DARE YOU MAMAO!!!!
Mugen: He’s old, this is current Nate Ortiz, not some Legend DLC Nate Ortiz.
Drago: I’m have no idea what you just said.
Mugen: Yea, Downloadable Content old sport. You pay money to get more stuff for your game. That’s how the world works now.
Drago scratches his head. Bubba stops chewing on the Champion Chip and just stares at Mugen with his jaw agape.
Drago: I remember when you just get the game and that was it. Now you have bunch of buttons on controller, and people on internet telling you all the way they did your mom. You know if this was arcade and you were man to man, you not get away with these things.
Mugen: Next up….
The screen transitions to a shot of former Women’s Champion EMP flipping off the camera.
Drago and Mugen: EMPRESS!
Mugen: SHE HAS THE MOST OVERALL, THE BEST OVERALL.
Drago: TREMENDOUS OVERALL!!!!!
Mugen: ELEVENTY…..
Drago: TEN MILLION THOUSAND!!!!!
The number is so large that it takes up the entire screen. Mac and Tosh howl at all the numbers they’re being bombarded with.
Mugen: Don’t forget to pick up the OCW 2k22: P3 and the P is for Limited Edition Edition!!!!
Drago pulls out a number of goodies from the limited edition including Mac and EMP plushies, a Bubba pawprint autograph, a piece of the mat ripped from the Pine Dojo, and a pair of Air Dragos.
Drago: So much limited things in world. Next up……..
The screen transitions to the image of a grinning, possibly intoxicated face of none other than Jookie Marley.
Drago: Jookie Markley!
Mugen: Ugh, really? I mean, I guess……………….38 overall!
Drago looks down at cue card and back at Mugen.
Drago: What, he really 78 overall.
Mugen: Too high, way too high. Anyway onto our last reveal for today’s episode…….
The silhouettes of OCW wrestlers past and present started shuffling almost like the Pokemons back in the day until it finally stops on a familiar looking silhouette.
Drago: OH no……
Mugen: The hell, why is he in the game?
The silhouette fades into the actual image of………….Vincent Valmont.
Mugen: What in the flying f***? Who the f*** in the offices thought it was a good idea to include him as a legend in the game? Was it some moron intern? Was it Leslie? That fat f*** with the glasses and Cheeto dust on his stupid plaid shirt with the ironic sayings referring to himself as an expert in social media. You stupid idiot!
“Fred”: YEA! STUPID! I’M NOT EVEN IN THE GAME FOOL! BREAK SOME F****** S*** TONIGHT!
Mugen and Fred start punching anything they can find including just the air.
Drago: Ah look at that, we have bonus reveal for today. Annnnnd it’s…..
The image of Mr. Sensation pops up on the screen.
Drago: For first time ever, Mr. Sensation is playable character. His AI will break all rules and not listen to what you tell it to do.
Sensational Impersonator: That’s right maddaf****. Suck my d*** from the baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.
Mugen: And his overall is 69!
Mugen & Drago: NIIIIICE!
Sensational Impersonator: That’s bulls***.
At that moment the Sensational Impersonator is punched in the face by GGIII.
GGIII: I’m like a black M. Bison or somethin.
We’ll Be Right Back.