Nate Ortiz sits in a dimly let room inside the Tokyo Dome. Not the lavish Revolution Inc. locker room filled with everything the guys and gals need as they prepare for the biggest night in OCW history.

But a room almost like a janitors closet with a chair, sink, and mirror. Nate sits his head down gazing into the reflection of the OCW Championship.

As he looks at the belt his mind drifts back to Wrestlution 1. In his home town of Los Angeles, CA he walked in OCW Champion. After surviving one battle he fell at the hands of Versus. Nate’s mind jumps to Wrestlution 3 and his Icon vs Icon match with Kage.

Nate reaches into his bag and pulls out a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue. He stares at it and puts it down by his side. As he looks to the sky memories of his Iron Man matches with Geomon and Deano run through his mind.

He stands leaning over the sink, staring at his own reflection. His heart sinks a little as he sees the scars on his battle worn face. He starts thinking about what could have been in his match with Aries.

He places the OCW Championship on the ground and picks up the Johnny Walker looking at it like he looked at the championship. Memories of last years championship match with Pugh rush to mind. He rethinks the final moments of that match and how one more move could have changed the outcome of that match.

Nate tears the seal and opens up the bottle. He takes a deep breath as the smell of the aged whiskey meets his nostrils. He looks at the bottle like an old friend. But hesitates knowing the doctors have told him not to drink as a precaution from the incident of Riot.

He goes to put the bottle down and then decides against it lifting the bottle to take a sip. As he does a hand grabs him on the shoulder and he stops. He looks up and drops the bottle sending it spilling on the ground. There are no words spoke, Nate just stares as the scene fades to black.

The Camera pans to the announce team!  

	Good man! Steer clear of the drink!
	Hmmmm.

	It's now time for The OCW Womens Championship. Sophia has her biggest mountain to climb as she takes on the Monster that is Hurricane Holly Hunter!
	Can the first lady OCW over come the odds?

 

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The Camera pans to the announce team!  

	She did it I can't belive it!
	Woah!

Previously Recorded

As OCW stars past, present, and future descend on the Empire of the Rising Sun, many take the days leading up to Wrestlelution doing various forms of public relations. The following recording is just that. Or at least it was supposed to be.

Our scene opens on the set of Japan's number eight rated late night talk show, “古い男性と汚いパンティ”, which roughly translates to “Old Men and Dirty Panties”. What a proud and noble people...

The host, Yaki Teriyaki, has just finished what we can assume was his nightly monologue. Just with a lot of tits and strange sound effects. Mr. Teriyaki has transitioned to his desk where he's about to bring out his special guests of the evening.

Teriyaki: In great honor of our next a guess, I wirr present the forrowing in Engrish to make our beroved guests a more a comfortabre. Radies and gentremen, prease a wercome, big time American Wrestrers, Reon Varentine and Gentreman Jack!

Yeah its racist, sue me. You know what's great about Asians? They don't care about racism. Rolls right off them. They just go learn a string instrument and become doctors. Good on you guys! Now back to the stupidity.

Leon and Jack make their way from behind a curtain to the stage. Both men are dressed... oddly to say the least. They both look as if they did way too much MDA with Johnny Depp's personal stylist and took his or her's advice too seriously.

Both men are wearing dark glasses, stupid hipster hats, jackets that make you so angry you want to punch a puppy, shirts that make any respectable homosexual cry and the shoes of a late 80s Upper East Side transvestite. You all know the kind.

As both men sit down in chairs next to the hosts desk they faintly smile and wave to the crowd before both pulling out cigarettes and lighting up.

Teriyaki: Ah gentremen, I rearry must warn you of the dangers of smoking in pubric.

Jack begins to speak fairly quietly and diligently but with a British accent for god knows what reason. His voice sounds depressed, every thought deeply developed. He makes many subtle gestures as he speaks, like he can't stay still or perhaps he simply can't contain the genius inside.

Jack: You know mate... It's like why bother? You know with the war in Syria... the migrant problems throughout the Mediterranean... The images of human suffering we all see, that we all pay into as a society... It's like why bother?

Leon, who at least has an excuse for his British accent, begins to speak up. But he also is confusingly speaking like an actor who is way up his own asshole for no reason.

Leon: I mean.. really? You want to take the piss out of me? That's not even cool...

Jack and Leon both shake their heads in agreement with each other while continuing to smoke. The host, not wanting to die on this hill before the interview even starts, tries to get things back on track.

Mr. Teriyaki: Ahh anyway gentremen, you're arr in town to promote the big Oh See Doubre pay per vier this weekend! Why don't you terr us arr a rittre about it?

Jack: I mean why bother? We're not here to talk about wrestling mate. We're here to talk about our charity work, our new album, our upcoming book, anything but that daft wrestling garbage. Wrestling isn't who we are. Do you really think my name is Jack? It's Thurston Swollshaft III. It's honestly embarrassing for you that you even introduced us by our character names. Like do you just call every actress you have on here girl with the blurred out vagina? No, you say their name with respect.

Leon: Yeah friend are you having a laugh or something? It's 2017 friend. There's an animal loose in America. Our beloved native land of England has left the EU. The world is spiraling and you want to call us by our clown names? That's racist.

Mr. Teriyaki: But you are proffessionar wrestrers are you not?

Jack: We're human beings playing a part you twat. Enough about wrestling. If you want some one dimensional wrestling puppet just book somebody like Dennis Black. You know that's his actual name? Ohh the shame his parent's must have. You know he's never even read a book?

Leon: Yeah we dont have time for this foolishness. We're not here to talk about a wrestling spectacle, we're here to talk about our charity, “Helping Hands”.

Mr. Teriyaki: Herping Hands? Terr us more.

Jack: It's quite simple really. Helping Hands is a foundation we've started with Orville Crenshaw who plays the part of Jackson Montgomery on OCW television. You see the three of us believe in two things. Childhood obesity must be stopped, and the age of consent must be lowered.

Leon: That's right Thurston. You see, nobody likes a fat child. It's just gross. Do you know what a fat child gets you?

Jack: A fat fifteen year old.

Leon: That's right old chap. And who wants to snog a fat 15 year old. Not us. Not Orville.

Jack: Definetly not Orville.

The two men share a disturbing laugh over how former OCW Turmoil Champion Jackson Montgomery, played by Orville Crenshaw of Kent, loves to bang underage girls. Just no fatties.

Leon: You see, nature, the highest power, says these girls are ready. Who are we to argue with nature. Why is it ok for them to fornicate with a pimply 17 year old but not us?

Jack: Thats right. You're telling me it's ok for a kid like Dennis Black to bang them? A man who will pop after 5 seconds mind you. That's ok? But me, a grown man with skills, it's a crime? Sure, its a crime to those young girls who have to endure years of snogging with unprepared, savage, little children. It's disgusting, and it's sexist.

Leon: I think it all comes down to the fact that we need to free the female orgasm.

Jack: Exactly, that's what it is all about my friend.

Mr. Teriyaki, becoming mildly exasperated with the situation, tries once again to get the men back on track.

Mr. Teriyaki: But a gentremen, what about WrestreRution?

Jack: That's not the name of our book at all.

Leon: That's right, it's called, “The F*ck of the Penguins”.

Jack: Three hundred pages of pure eroticism dealing with the sexiest animals on earth, the penguin.

Leon: You just thought “March of the Penguins” was big. Wait until you read about them f*cking. You'll be hard for hours.

The audience gasps in mild shock.

Leon: Oh stuff it, you all crank it to squids being inserted in your women's honeypots. Don't judge us. Don't be puritanical like the Americans.

Mr. Teriyaki: Gentremen a prease!

Jack: Books aren't your thing, I get it. That's ok because our group, Leon and the Valentines have a new album releasing next week that could be more your speed.

Leon: That's right, we take the classic musical stylings of Mongolian Throat Singing and mix in just enough polka so the kids can dance to it. Our fourth album, “Flock of Hoots” deals with apartheid in new and some would say shocking ways.

Jack: I think it's groundbreaking, wouldn't you agree?

Leon: Absolutely. Nobody talks about apartheid anymore.

Mr. Teriyaki: Maybe.... because it ended decades ago?

Jack: You just think you're soooooo smart don't you?

Mr. Teriyaki: Gentremen, can't we a prease just tark about a wrestring prease?!?!?! Thats why you a here. Gentremen prease! You bring dishonor!

Leon: What? You want to see Leon and Jack? Is that it?

Jack: That's all we are huh? You just want to watch the monkeys dance?

The two men throw off their stupid hipster hats and glasses. They remove the awful jackets and pants as their eyes grow wild. Jack begins to speak in his normal voice.

Jack: This what you want you little slant eyed douchebag? You happy now?

Leon: Should I get her?

Jack: Oh you should.

Leon shuffles off backstage to do god knows what as Jack finishes stripping to his underwear.

Jack: So you want to talk about wrestling huh? Alright a**hole, let's talk about wrestling. This weekend you are going to witness the last great OCW Hall of Famer step inside Hell in a Cell and commit murder.

The crowd once again audibly gasps as this crazed American in his underwear predicts a murder.

Jack: Hey don't get mad at me. This is your fault. You think Leon and I want to be here? We'd rather be literally anywhere else in the world than this stuck up, sexually confused, hell hole that serves nothing but fish heads. Also, whats the deal with the panties? You can't walk a block in this cesspool without a vending machine selling soiled underwear! What in the hell is wrong with you animals? And you want to judge us?! You're all the same! Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, look at these!

Jack takes his underwear off revealing his dick and balls for all the world to see. Leon comes back out from the backstage area with a fully inflated blow up doll that bears a striking resemblance to OCW C*nt of the Year, Madison Cox. Jack takes the doll and.... well use your imagination. As Jack gains carnal knowledge of the doll, Leon begins to rant.

Leon: You know, I shouldn't even be here today! I should have retired months ago to a life of luxury. But I can't because of one man. Ban Tau! You ruined what was supposed to be my retirement party! Instead of drinking cocktails with little umbrellas, I'm in the heart of fascist Japan watching a grown man f*ck a blowup doll on a fourth rate talk show!

Leon begins knocking over furniture while Jack just furiously humps blow up Madison.

Leon: Lou Deng! You ruined everything! Locking us in a cage, making us do terrible things for survival.... And for what? Vengeance for some god? Well where's your god now Beni Hani?

Leon continues trashing the set as the audience finally gets the good sense to begin screaming and fleeing. Why they didn't flee in terror when Jack began fornicating with a blowup doll will haunt this author to his grave.

Mr. Teriyaki looks on in horror as his show collapses around him

Mr. Teriyaki: I have dishonored myself and my famiry.

Mr. Teriyaki pulls out an object and walks just off screen in hopes of regaining his family honor. Seeing the man, Jack finishes inside the blowup doll with a monstrous orgasm.

The camera, not knowing where to go to avoid a scene of horror flashes back to the mostly empty audience where Luthor Briggs, unseen until this point is having very rough sex with a number of female audience members. Don't worry, with Luthor its always consensual he's not a god dam animal.

Leon: How do you like me now GOD?! Where's your savior people?! He's dead, gone, and not coming back! This Sunday, I will bathe in the blood of my enemies and achieve eternal peace! Dan Tau, your end is here!

As Leon continues his sermon, Jack, full of a post coitus glow, grabs containers of gasoline from off stage and begins to douse the studio. Leon, still railing about his glory, lights a match and tosses it into the pools of gasoline.

The studio erupts in flames as Jack does his impersonation of the victims of terror. Luthor, being the only one of the men with good sense, flees the studio while staying inside one of the women. Pro move Luthor. Leon's face is now lit by a demonic glow as he wraps up his sermon.

Leon: This Sunday the circle will be complete! The last vestige of your empire will fall Versus! You're most loyal soldier will soon join you in hell! After this Sunday, nobody will be around to remember who Versus even was! Now...... I AM GOD!!!!!!!!

A large crack of thunder is heard as the screen cuts to black. Was it the work of the Warlock? God from beyond the grave? All will be settled inside the Cell...

The Camera pans to the announce team!  

	What in the christ did I just witness!, In my 37 years as a broadcaster I have never seen such filth. I lived through the INFAMOUS era as well!
	Men with zero honor!