Returning from commercial, we see C.Q.C. walking down the halls, Quartz still has the pipe in his mouth from the “investigation” early in the night. Quartz peers down at the paper with confidence one more time, reading off “CQC vs The Heartbreakers” aloud.
Quartz suddenly stops, grabs his partner’s shoulders and stops laughing, suddenly looking very serious.
Quartz: Alright, alright listen! We gotta find out what these Heartbreakers are and practice our dance moves and warm up our pipes. Just in case it’s a “got talent” deal. I wasn’t prepared for such a booking, but let’s tear it up TTT style.
Rust grabs Quartz shoulders in return and shakes him back before snatching the paper out of his hand and pointing something out.
Rust: Hey, dummy… It does say “vs” on there, doesn’t it?
Quartz: Well, yeah… but it can’t be a “team” can it?
Rust: I think it might be… I think it might be!
Quartz suddenly seems confused and less excited about his “talent show”, understanding that it’s a match against Turmoil rookies, the Heartbreakers. Keith Hendrix and Alex Asher.
Quartz: Well… To be fair, I don’t really pay attention to anything that happens on this B-show.. So it might be some freakshow rookies.
Rust: Ahh. Okay. So a perfect opportunity for me to shine! After that crap with Loki last week, I need to blow off some steam. I’ll take care of it.
Quartz scoffs and laughs off the proposition laid out by his partner.
Quartz: That’s rich, Rusty. It’ll be quick. You just hang out on the apron.
Quartz begins walking, but Cohle seems to have taken offense and rushes to catch back up and state his case.
Rust: I’m serious! I’m starting the match and I’m going to beat both of them.
Quartz: Nope. I don’t have time to fart around with a couple of nobody rookies on the B show.
Rusty: Play me for it!
Quartz sighs and turns around to face his partner with a smug grin on his face. He puts his fist out and nods at Cohle. Rust puts his fist out as well and the two play “Rock Paper Scissors” 3 times.
Quartz wins the first, Cohle wins the second… and an intense staredown ensues. An intense series of ties happen before finally Quartz throws a fist, before quickly changing it to scissors… Cohle chose paper.
Quartz: Aha! I win. I start the match. I dominate the rookies. CQC wins. End of story.
Rust: You cheated!
Quartz: If you ain’t cheating, you ain’t trying, Rusty! The results are final. When that bell rings, I am going to be the one in the ring.
Rust: ...Fine. We’ll play it your way.
The scene fades out with Quartz tapping his partner on the shoulder assuredly and the camera zooms in with Cohle grinning mischievously and looking into the camera.
*****
As the scene fades in we see our Women’s Champion, Dragana, standing at a catering table. Her thumb sits under her chin as she taps her nose with her index finger, seemingly trying to decide what to eat.
She looks over and sees a lone, fresh sandwich sitting on a platter. Her eyes light up and she licks her lips. She reaches for it, but as she does so another arm reaches over into frame. As we slowly zoom out it is revealed to be Elsa Holmberg.
Elsa: Oh, I sorry! Are you want the last sandwich?
Dragana stares at her. She looks back over at the sandwich and contemplates what to do. Her mouth is slightly agape as a result of her hunger.
Elsa: Helloooooo? Do you want sandwich?
She looks back at Elsa, her mind stuck in hunger mode, unable to process some things. Again, Dragana says nothing and stares blankly, blinking a few times. Elsa furrows her brow in frustration.
Elsa: Ok, well if you not talk, I take. Justin love this sandwich!
As she grabs the tasty looking bread and veggie combo, Dragana’s hand comes shooting down onto her wrist like a frogs tongue to an unsuspecting fly. Elsa looks at her, surprised, then maddened.
Elsa: Let go! You no want sandwich, I take!
Dragana: Grrr…..
Dragana, attempts to rip the sandwich from her grip. The two then end up having a tug of war over the sandwich, tussling around the catering room as they try to loosen each-others grip. As they wrestle over the sandwich, Jehst and Johnny Law enter the frame from opposite sides and immediately grab the two and try to pull them apart. They manage to pry them away from each other but as they do the sandwich splits in two, shards of tomato and lettuce flying into the air. Both are left with half a sandwich each.
Johnny: I thought I was done with food fights!
Jehst: What the hell is going on, Elsa?
Elsa: I ask if she want sandwich, she just be rude to me so I take. Then she fight me for sandwich!
Johnny: I’m sure this is just a misunderstanding, Elsa! Dragana isn’t much for words.
Jehst: Isn’t much for words, huh? Didn’t know they still did silent films…Might need to broaden my horizons a bit.
Jehst thinks for a second before he continues.
Jehst: Wait, what kind of sandwich is it?
Johnny: Yeah, what’ve you got there?
Elsa: It the chicken salad sandwich, your favourite, Justin!
Jehst and Johnny look at each other, then at the pair of half sandwiches in the women’s hands. They both shrug and take the bready goodness from them and take a bite. Elsa and Dragana both look at them in shock as the pair enjoy their sandwiches.
Jehst: *mouth full* I don’t know about you, Johnny, but these sandwiches rival the one’s I get in Hollywood; AND they’re free here!
With half a mouth of sandwich he responds.
Johnny: Yah – this is a good sandwich!
Johnny notices Dragana staring at him.
Johnny: W-What’s wrong?
He looks at the sandwich, then back at Dragana and Elsa.
Johnny: Oh yeah…..That’ll do it.
The women both look at the guys, then at each other. Like a silent code the pair then launch stereo slaps to Johnny and Jehst respectively, causing them to spit out the remaining sandwich from their mouths. Part of the sandwich that Johnny ate starts dripping from under his mask.
Jehst: Ah geez! The hell was that for?
Johnny raises his mask and is left rubbing his cheek in pain.
Johnny: I deserved that.
Elsa: Now no-one get sandwich.
She looks over to Dragana who gives her a look of agreeance. The pair then give each other a fist bump.
Elsa: Justin – Johnny; you can clean mess. Me – Dragana, we need to warm up for match tonight.
She looks over to Dragana.
Elsa: May best woman win.
Dragana nods.
Elsa: You couldn’t nod for asking about sandwich?!
Dragana blushes and clutches her stomach as it growls. She notices a granola bar on one of the nearby tables, quickly taking it and eating it.
The Women's Champ shrugs and Elsa rolls her eyes and walks out of frame. The scene fades as the other three just look at each other and begin talking but the audio fades with the video.
Let's see what the guys can do.
Boys will be boys.
T.Y. Sparks vs Hijo De Mistico
The camera pans to the announce team.
He manned up.
Indeed.
PREVIOUSLY RECORDED...
The scene is set in a muddy field somewhere well outside of New York; rain falls relentlessly onto what looks like some kind of giant, hastily-made obstacle course. It zigs and zags through the field, presenting its challenges in this order: A muddy water-filled wading pit, a large climbing wall, a rope swing over more water, a thin, elevated balance contest, and the final stretch, a pure sprint--albeit blocked by what looks like a solid brick wall. Each obstacle is duplicated, so that two people can go through at the same time for a head-to-head race!
Centrally-located in the course is a large podium, on which stands our favorite American Patriot, Cort Marshall, with a microphone. Outside the course, legions of OCW faithful brave the weather, waiting for the event to begin. Cort brings an American flag patterned megaphone to his mouth and begins his announcement:
Cort: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! I welcome you to the fourth event in the OCW Strong Woman Competition! I will be your host for the evening, and as you can see, I’ve constructed the toughest challenge yet for our competitors! This ain’t boot camp, because I’m not allowed to reduce anyone’s self worth to near-zero, and most of you are more intelligent than the average Private, but aside from that it will be damn close!
Cort: The rules are simple; whoever makes it to the end of their course first, wins! Interference between competitors is not allowed and will result in a disqualification. Sorry folks, that means NO BRAWLING!
The crowd boo, jokingly.
Cort: Now, without further ado, let me introduce our competitors!
The camera pans over to the starting area, where Blaine and Dragana are waiting,
Cort: In the blue corner, standing at five foot, seven inches tall, and weighing in at 206 pounds, The Silent Queen, DRAGANA!
Dragana steps forward and raises her arm.
Cort: Annnd in the red corner, standing five foot, 11 inches tall, and weighing in at 205 pounds… she’s “gender brutal,” it’s ASHLEY BLAINE!
The crowd showers her with boos as Blaine just puts her middle fingers up and tells the crowd to “spin”. With introductions out of the way, both women get ready to begin the event.
Blaine: Don’t shrivel. It’s only your championship on the line.
Dragana: Hmph.
Cort: Ready… set… GO! And try not to break anything!
Both women tear off from the start. They slip and tumble through the wet grass. Dragana takes an early lead down the straight. Directly in front of them is a giant mud pit. Cort hops down from the podium and onto an ATV with a big stereo on the back, following the women.
Cort: THE FIRST CHALLENGE. COMPETITORS MUST MAKE IT TO THE OTHER SIDE!
Only a few yards ahead, Dragana climbs the steps and makes a tremendous jump. She lands almost halfway across the pit with a sploosh! Blaine fails to cover as much distance and lands far behind. Both women struggle through the muck.
Cort: Let’s go ladies! This isn’t the time to get stuck in the mud!
Blaine glares at him, lets out a loud shout and trudges faster, but Dragana has already made it through the mud pit! She is panting heavily, but continues up the stairs and back down the other side. Only ¾ of the way across the pit, Blaine starts to panic and flails wildly.
Dragana makes the turn right and follows the trail. She can already see a giant wall in front of her. Cort follows, quad-mounted stereo blaring the inimitable James Brown hit, “LIVING IN AMERICA!”
Cort: The second obstacle: that’s the wall up there brother! Ten feet high! Getting to the top without help will be a true challenge!
As he says this Dragana leaps and grabs her fingers to the top of the wall, pulls herself up and and over with a grunt.
Cort: ...Or not.
Blaine has just made the turn. Dragana pauses to take a deep breath. She quickly races off for the next challenge. Blaine tries to make a leap to the top, just as Dragana did, but misses and crumples back to the ground.
Blaine: ****!
Cort shouts: LANGUAGE! I like it.
On Blaine’s second attempt she manages one hand to grab the top. She pulls herself up and over, but is now well behind. Viewers at home will have to wait and see what happens next, though, as we fade out--part two later in the show!
Tag action next!
The champs are here.
C.Q.C. vs The Heartbreakers
The camera pans to the announce team.
I miss the A-Team!
Gibbs is still laying at the bottom of those steps I bet.
The camera fades up to the backstage OCW Turmoil interview area. We can still hear “Cult of Personality” playing in the background. Jim Black is standing in the center of the frame. He excitedly greets the OCW crowd.
Jim Black: What a night it's been for The Experience, huh folks!? First, there was that HUGE win for T. Y. Sparks over Mistico. After the exciting contest that we just saw, we're going to get our first ever interview with the victorious Heartbreakers, Alex Asher and Keith Hendrix! Here they come!
Just then the camera turns slightly to catch Stephanie Bank walking into frame. She has the Twitch Stick slung over her left shoulder. She walks right up next to Jim on the right side of the screen. With her back still facing the camera she executes a flawless twirl and swings the Twitch Stick from over her left shoulder, far out to the right (away from Jim) and perfectly extends it out in front of her face as she completes her turn so she can get one last perfect shot of herself before acknowledging Jim. The music stops.
Jim Black: And what a night it's been for you, young lady! You have demonstrated some serious managerial skills in guiding The Experience to a clean sweep tonight. How does it...
Stephanie Bank: Yes, Jim, yess! It was marvelous. My father would be very proud.
She extends the Twitch Stick one more time, snapping a quick shot of her being interviewed by Jim Black. She takes a moment to unleash a hearty, knowing smile to the OCW cameras, all at once.
Jim Black: What was the highlight tonight for you?
Just then Alex Asher is seen rushing into the shot. He's still very sweaty from the match, but he's beaming from ear to ear with excitement.
Alex Asher: Did you get it!? Did you get it!? PLEASE, tell me you got it!
Stephanie Bank: Asher! Calm down, what is wrong with you! Can't you see this man is trying to interview me!? Of course I got it.
Alex Asher: Let me see it!
Stephanie Bank rolls her eyes, clearly disgusted, as she puts the Twitch Stick to her side. She then cracks a loving smile towards Asher and shakes her head from side to side. She extends the Twitch Stick to Alex Asher.
Alex Asher: Keith!! She got it. Come check it out, man!
Just then Keith Hendrix enters the frame. He looks completely exhausted from his match. He's clinching his side. As he pulls out the chin strap from his headgear, the camera gets a close look at the “Always Use Protection” text on the front of it. As he reaches into his mouth, we catch a glimpse of his black mouthpiece with dazzling pink text that reads “The Heartbreakers”. As he slides the headgear off of his head, he uses the strap to secure the mouthpiece to the side of the headgear. We catch a brief shot of the back of the headgear, it reads “KHASADA APPROVED”. No sooner than it's strapped on tight, Stephanie Bank extends her hand to Keith and he hands her the helme... sorry, headgear. As she turns her attention back to Jim she tucks the headgear under her left arm and close to her body the way a proud quarterback would hold his helmet while addressing the team after a big win. Keith can be seen letting out a sinister grin when all of a sudden his demeanor becomes surprisingly childlike as he gets a look at the excitement on Asher's face. He literally leaps at Asher and hugs him, as Asher narrowly gets the Twitch Stick out of the way in time. As soon as he reaches Asher, Keith winces and grabs his side. He looks down at the Twitch Stick over Asher's right shoulder.
Alex Asher: LOOK! Look! Look...He came in and then BOOM! BOOM!
Alex Asher and Keith Hendrix (in unison): SUPERKICKS!!!
Alex Asher: Oh man! That was awesome, what a SUPERKICK! Great technique.
Keith Hendrix: Well, I learned from the best. Check this out.
Keith swipes on the screen for a moment and then taps.
Keith Hendrix: Oh my goodness! This man was down on his knees and then BOOM!
Alex Asher and Keith Hendrix (in unison): SUPERKICK!!
Keith Hendrix: I thought you were gonna break his face!
Just then T.Y. Sparks comes into the frame from off to the camera's left.
T.Y. Sparks: You guys did it!! You beat the champs! Oh man...is that the Superkick highlight reel!?
Alex Asher: Sparks! We all did it tonight! The Prince of Flight is doing big things!
Keith Hendrix: Guys! Check this combo out...BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Alex Asher, Keith Hendrix, and T.Y. Sparks (in Unison): SUPERKICKS!!!
Alex Asher: Oh my God, Keith...Sparks... we won! But we gotta go! Jim, Jim, JIM....WE WON, BABY! Here!...
He slaps one of the handbills he was handing out during his entrance onto Jim's chest.
Jim Black:: Is this one of tho...
Alex Asher: Jim, it's an autographed pass to the 1-800 BEST IN THE WORLD Afterparty! We gotta go! We can't keep the people waiting!
The three start to walk towards the locker room area as Stephanie Bank turns back towards Jim Black.
Jim Black: What is going on? What is this? Where are they going!?
He motions towards the departing wrestlers.
Jim Black: Excuse me, can we have a word!?
Stephanie Bank: Jim, let it go! They're probably off to have some kind of superkick party or something.
Alex Asher, Keith Hendrix, and T.Y. Sparks (heard sing-shouting off in the distance):SUPERKICK PARTYYY!!!
Stephanie Bank palms her face in disbelief.
Stephanie Bank: Why!?....Did I say that?
Jim Black: What is exactly is a...
Stephanie Bank (shushing him): JIM! Don't even say it...
She snatches the invitation out of Jim Black's hand and tears it in half, letting it fall to the floor.
Stephanie Bank: Asher can get a little....excited. There's no way in hell you're coming anywhere near an Experience party. But hey, it's been a long night, maybe you should go buy the Riot tag team champions a drink.
The crowd can be heard letting out a collective “Ooooh!” as the camera fades.
